I had to go find this commercial on YouTube just to make sure I got it right, I was so taken by the bizarre, sick premise:
A guy is going down the escalator at some mall, and he's tapped on the shoulder by a woman who says "excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids." The guy looks taken aback, but only for a moment- then replies "Ohhh.....Cancun, Spring Break?" She answers "Um, No."
The guy freezes with the mortification of realizing that he just exposed himself as a guy who at one time regularly had sex with anonymous strangers while on vacation, AND suggested that the woman who tapped him on the shoulder is the girl who put out for him some years back. The narrator intones "Not Smart."
Then we see the guy guzzling out of a big bottle of purplish Minute Maid juice, which apparently has some kind of Anti-Asshat chemical designed to prevent social faux pas like this one. We rewind. The woman asks again "excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids." This time, the guy responds "And my daughter is in your art class- Sister Mary Catherine!"
Wow, double "fun" whammy here. Not only is this woman NOT the girl he remembers shagging in Cancun, she's a teacher- and a NUN. Oh, the hilarity!!
Of course, to get to the rib-splitting "punchline," we must accept that any woman would walk up to a guy she believes has a child in her class and say "I believe you are the father of one of my kids." Not "I believe your kid is in one of my classes." Not "I believe I teach one of your kids." Nope. "I believe you are the father of one of my kids"- which makes NO sense, unless...
---and this is why I had to check it out on YouTube, because I couldn't believe my ears....
The guy whose shoulder being tapped is a PRIEST (you know, a "FATHER?") When I first heard this commercial, I thought that the punchline was that the guy was a Priest who teaches this woman's kid at a Catholic School-- whose response to the woman's question was to instantly assume that his illicit tryst during his college years had finally come back to bite him in his nether regions. The odd "Sister Mary Catherine!" closing line implanted this impression in my brain. Since I was mistaken, this commercial doesn't fall into the Burn In Hell, You Soulless Creeps category, but it's still pretty sick.
I mean, think about it: A guy gets his shoulder tapped, and within seconds he's telling a woman he clearly doesn't recognize that Yes, I Suppose I Am The Father of Your Baby. You really get the sense that this has happened to this guy before- maybe the last time he went to the laundramat, while watching a film at the local cineplex, waiting in line to pay for his coffee at 7-11.....
Maybe he's visiting the mall pharmacy to refill his prescription for Valtrex.
Wow. That is unbelievably contrived and stupid! A teacher would say "one of my students" not "one of my kids."
ReplyDeleteNewer versions have the teacher being "Miss Foster" instead of a nun. Maybe someone got to the ad agency or the Minute Maid people and convinced them to make at least a small cosmetic change to this contrived and pointless ad?
ReplyDeleteI think that must be the case.
ReplyDeleteborrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggg, god i zoned out after the first 3 lines, do you have anything else to say? if so dont do it, plz shut up and save us the torture.
ReplyDeleteDo I have anything better to do? Good lord, YOU'RE the one who is so pathetic that you insist on reading and commenting on a blog you claim you don't like. Why don't you just admit that you are addicted to my writing style and can't tear yourself away?
ReplyDeleteI do believe you "zoned out after the first 3 lines." Considering your vocabulary (or lack thereof,) it's probably the most reading you've done in years.
Wow overthink much? I can't believe you put that much thought into a commercial. You know its funny because the situation is unrealistic. No one would really say that, that is why its funny.
ReplyDeleteYou must be the life of the party eh?
1. Actually, it didn't require that much thought.
ReplyDelete2. I have a different sense of humor than you do, obviously. I can live with that.
3. Yes, I am the life of the party. In fact, parties don't really get started until I show up. Thanks for asking.
As someone who hates most commercials (not because they take me away from pointless tv, but for a lack of creativity) - I can say I appreciate your blog. Of course, I'm sure people have suggested embedding the actual commercials when possible but it seems you've made a conscious decision not to do that. But why not at least link to them?
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow "blogger" - I can say I also appreciate how you deflect the negative comments. It seems even mild exposure comes with people telling you "you suck" - something I can surely look forward to if I continue to post and expand my readership. Oh the internet, so much good and yet so much negative BS.
Lastly, I actually found this commercial funny and yet utterly stupid. It caught me off guard and had me rewind on the tivo to do a double-take. I said "wow, that's kind of a ballsy, risque theme for a mainstream commercial." Of course, was it effective? I just read your post and I'm still not sure what the product is. A beverage product, juice maybe. Who cares? So yes, the commercial still sucks, but their are worse.
My current least favorite, reach for the remote as soon as it comes on... anything that starts with a "lesson on Drinkability." Idiotic, but throw a ton of money behind it and force it down people's throats and minds. Nothing funny or creative there.
And while I'm ranting and don't have my own commercials I hate blog - triple hopped brewed Miller Lite. Never mind that it still a shitty beer, its triple hopped brewed. Of course, we don't expect you to know or care about that, but in the off chance that you might feel you're drinking shit beer, you can rest easy that we add hops at 3 different times, therefore what you taste is just your imagination. It's actually a quality beer, because we told you so.
I'm sorry for taking this much space on your blog. But its all in the name of support. I'll be reading.
Mike
(Big Mac... you so want one. Really?)
I agree, dumb commercial and while I'm no bible thumper myself, a little tasteless if I may say so myself. As for the haters, don't worry my man, hating is a 24/7 operation for these people so just ignore em.
ReplyDeleteMike- thanks for the support. I have to post on "Triple-Brewed hops" or "Triple-hopped brews" or whatever the hell that is--- why do we expect a beer to be better if it's hops have been brewed three times instead of one, or six, or fifteen? Who the hell knows how many times you are supposed to brew hops? And, picking up from your thread, if the hops have been triple-brewed, WHY DOES MILLER STILL SUCK??
ReplyDelete