Um...are you going to actually eat that thing?

I've been looking forward to an opportunity to comment on one of my pet peeves concerning food commercials- the "food is to be carried and/or admired, not eaten" motif. This is different from the "Infinite Food" motif which dominates commercials for KFC (the bucket on the kitchen table is overflowing with chicken, even after everyone's plate is full) and McDonalds (no matter how many sips of the not-milkshake are taken, no matter how many french fries are consumed, the containers stay at the same level.) No, this is the Contemplation of Cold Food phenomena that I find really, really annoying and I'm likely to post about on more than one ocassion.

I'll start today with a quick comment on Dunkin Donuts and their commercial for their 99 cent Wake-Up Wrap. A woman is standing in an elevator, holding one of these things in her hand, sans napkin. In her other hand she holds the inevitable half-gallon cup of iced coffee, no doubt liberally doused with heavy cream (I'm convinced that there's a gentleman's agreement among fast-food places to banish any mention or display of hot coffee in commercials aired between Memorial Day and Labor Day.) A guy standing next to her says "hey, that looks good."

Woman: "It's a Dunkin Donuts Wake-Up Wrap. I got it for only 99 cents" (I'll snark in the future on the concept of tax-free fast food in the alternate Commercial Universe.) Then- "no breakfast for you?"

(Does anyone eat breakfast at home any more? Wouldn't any REASONABLE person just ASSUME that the guy in the elevator who ISNT carrying food with him ate at home?)

I'm not going to comment on the whole "belt-tightening" thing. Way too easy, and too stupid. I'll stick to my original thought and bring it to a logical conclusion by asking a few simple questions:

1. Where is the Dunkin Donuts in relation to the elevator? (How long as this woman been holding that Wake-Up Wrap? Isn't it cold by now?)

2. Why no napkin between her Wake-Up Wrap and her hand?

3. When the hell does this woman plan on actually EATING this thing? When she gets to her office? As a mid-morning snack? Is she going to eat it before she puts it down? If not, what does she plan to put it down ON?

I could ask this question of a lot of commercial-land people: the woman sitting in the middle of a field, contemplating her milkshake (because there's a McDonald's right behind the barn, I guess.) The idiots who don't understand that the drive-thru at Sonic exists to get them their food fast, not to give them a place to contemplate the mysteries of life and how they relate to their cheeseburgers. But for now, I'd settle for an answer from the woman who seems content to just carry around her Wake-Up Wrap until it's ice-cold- and sneer at the concept that some people might actually enjoy eating HOT food, at HOME.