There's No Honor Among Thieves

I've posted in the past on the phenomenon of "credit card counseling" and "debt relief services" commercials which absolutely dominate the world of satellite radio these days. But now I'm hearing an ad which suggests that even the scumbags who form these "helpful" companies realize that they are drowning out each other and need to create an edge.

The commercial is for Credit Card Relief (or something like that- seriously, make any combination of the words "Debt," "Credit," "Relief," "Service,"and "Counseling" and chances are you've come up with the name of an already-existing debt management program. The voice is that of a very gruff man who sounds like he's talking to us out of the side of his mouth. He's really ticked off that there are so many companies pretty much exactly like the one he's pimping for- "It seems like every time you turn on the radio, you hear these stories- happy young couple gets their debt completely cleaned off the books without even trying. I mean, come on! If it sounds too good to be true, it IS too good to be true. You need REAL relief- not bankruptcy, that should be your last option. And not a high-interest consolidation loan. We're Credit Card Relief, and we've been helping people solve their debt problems for almost a decade...."

Blah blah blah. Clever, no? "We know you've been hearing this same pitch every day, but don't listen to those other guys, they are lying to you with their pie-in-the-sky promises." CCR doesn't name names, but I'd suggest that they specifically mention John Commuta and his "pay off your $500,000 mortgage in two years instead of thirty just with the money you already make" bs. Maybe they fear a lawsuit. "THOSE guys are trying to cheat you. WE are the REAL DEAL." And in case you are still skeptical, "WE have been in business for ALMOST a DECADE." Wow, great history of service there.

These guys make me laugh, they really do. It's not enough that they are trying like hell to insert themselves between desperate debtors and their creditors so that they can extract their pound of flesh, but now they are starting to stab eachother in the back to do it by calling their competitors phonies. Seriously- anyone with half a brain knows that every single one of these companies is set up in exactly the same way with exactly the same business strategy- become the paid whine merchant for people with debt issues by harrassing creditors to accept lower monthly payments spread out over a longer time (and, therefore, accumulating more interest) while skimming a fee off the top for themselves. None of them do a damn thing that the debtor isn't capable of doing ON HIS OWN.

So please, Credit Card Relief, Credit Debt Services, Debt Services USA, Credit Debt Relief, etc. etc.- spare me the "we're not like those other losers" bit. You are EXACTLY like those other losers. Hell, it wouldn't shock me to learn that you ARE those other losers, and all these different names are just part of a con to convince listeners that there are a bunch of companies out there competing for your "business."

Oh- and you are all soulless bloodsuckers who will burn in hell. Just thought I'd toss that in, in case you hadn't heard it from one of your disappointed "clients" lately.