I can't Imagine why we are in the middle of an Obesity Epidemic. I really can't.

"Mrs. Jones is freeing her family from restricted calling plans by switching to Sprint..."

Freeing her family. Yes, Mrs. Jones is a regular Harriet Tubman. She's breaking the chains of Limited Minutes Slavery. We aren't told what prompts her to do this, but I think it's easy to guess- she wants to be Mommy the Hero to her cold, distant, wrapped-up-in-themselves housemates.

"Now her daughter isn't, like, limited to like, lame calling plans."

Sprint's contempt for families having long since been established, the company now takes aim at teen-aged girls. Like, they are so, like, lame, ya'know?

"And her son can talk All. Day. Long."

Which means her son doesn't have to fill his days with friends, homework, reading, sports, exercise, school because he's out of minutes. Thank God.

"And when her husband pocket-dials half the country, it's no big deal."

Of course. Daddy is a stupid dick who used to create a huge phone bill because he's too inept to avoid accidentally calling people by- what? Fingering his phone while it's in his pocket? Is this really that common? Doesn't matter- Daddy is stupid. Message sent and received- again.

What's this all about? Seems to me that it's just another chapter in the Encourage Your Family to Devote their Lives to their Phones theme created years ago and promoted with increased aggression by Sprint and their ilk. I can't see any other explanation for commercials which invite customers to spend every waking moment of every day talking themselves hoarse and developing that next layer of callouses on their thumbs. I can't see any other explanation for commercials that encourage kids to replace every other possible activity with talking and texting. Maybe these ads appeal to parents who don't really ever, ever want to talk to their kids again. Maybe they appeal to wives who lost interest in their husbands years ago ( and vice versa) and are grateful that there's this electronic gadget out there that just might keep the spouse occupied while they do their own thing (talk and text to someone else.)

All I know for sure is that this is like, a totally, like, lame commercial. And no, giving a cameo to Flava Flav at the end doesn't help. At ALL.