This is just So Very Wrong

Ok, first of all, I can't be the only person out there who is thoroughly sick of the disgusting ageism displayed by these Just for Men ads. According to the makers of this crap, men who let their hair go naturally gray can pretty much give up any hope of dating, working, or getting laid, ever again. On the other hand, if you hide your gray hair, you are going to get dates, get great jobs handed to you by leggy women who "have big plans for you" (wink wink) and get lots and lots of sex.

Look at this commercial. The hot blonde, who apparently thinks it's the year 1955 and she's on an episode of the Andy Griffith Show, rings the doorbell and asks the unseen guy on the other end of the peephole if she can "borrow some milk." She's got an empty glass in her hand, which means that she either thinks this guy only lends out milk to people who can PROVE they are out, or he's got a cow in there and can give her a quick refill.

The slightly-gray idiot asks her to wait a moment- and proceeds to throw himself out the window. This part makes perfect sense to me- he's got gray hair, you see, and the moment the hot neighbor realizes it she's going to run away screaming, so he might as well just end it all now. Except, wait- he's not killing himself. He's going through preposterous, logic-bending lengths to hide his shame before handing over the milk.

The guy manages to get to a store, buy Just for Men Hair Coloring, get back to his apartment, color his hair, get the milk out of the fridge, and open the door before the neighbor notices that he's not responding to her "Is everything oks" or that it's been two hours since she first rang that doorbell. Hey, buddy- if she's this desperate to make eye contact with you, she's not going to care about those strands of silver in your hair, ok?

Naturally, the ad ends with the kind of nausea-inducing punchline that is the trademark of Just for Men- handing the neighbor her milk, the newly-presentable guy asks "anything else?" and gets a thoughtful lip-bite from Miss Patient-Desperate. Ugh. My guess is that we are supposed to imagine the girl jumping into the guy's arms at this point, turning this into a commercial for Axe.

My birthday is tomorrow. I'm going to be at an age when a LOT of men have gray hair. I don't have any. Know what else I don't have? Hot girls offering me jobs or showing up at my place of residence asking if they can "borrow some milk." Maybe it's just me. At least if I had gray hair, I'd have an excuse.

Thanks for nothing, Just for Men.