Ok, here's the plan- Get married! Outlive your husband! Inherit! Get married again! Lather, Rinse, Repeat!!

This "long version" of a truly bizarre Raymond James investment commercial isn't so much insulting as it is disturbing. I can take the joke highlighted in the "short version"- a "fastidious librarian" was so careful with her money, and so wise in her choice of investment strategies (thanks to Raymond James) that when she retired and failed to die at an appropriate age (whatever that is) everything worked out fine.

The short version has her simply enjoying her retired life, engaging in all kinds of fun activities as the whole world is open to her, thanks to her never-ending portfolio income. It didn't matter that she made squat as a librarian- the meagre investments she made have blossomed into a fortune (again, thanks to the wizards at Raymond James.)

In the long version, we see the real reason why life continues to be good for the fastidious librarian. The key to her financial security is not Raymond James- it's her willingness to get married again (and again?) and her ability to find wealthy guys who want to marry her. Um, how does Raymond James manage to take credit for this?

And I'm not even going to get into the Honeymoon scene. Let's just say that's an image I wish I could wash from my brain. And that I hate you, Raymond James.

So what's my real beef with this ad? Not the differences between the short version and the long version, really. It's the conceit involved- Raymond James is actually trying to convince us that if you make $30,000 per year as a librarian but save your money carefully and invest with Raymond James, you can retire at 65 and spend the next 60-plus years gallivanting around the world having nothing but fun. Give me a freaking break, ok? Especially since what they MEAN over at Raymond James is that if you make $30,000 per year as a librarian, marry very well, and are willing to marry well AGAIN after you retire, you'll get by just fine. But wouldn't that be the case WITHOUT Raymond James?

This almost makes me appreciate the eTrade Babies. Well ok, no it doesn't. But I don't know any other way to end this post.