Why I don't watch the Superbowl live, ever

I simply cannot believe that this obnoxious, ugly, hateful pile of stupid was actually among the highest-rated Superbowl ads this year.

Oh wait- this is the United States in the year 2011. This is a nation of cell-phone addicts and forty year old "men" who take fantasy football and baseball so seriously that there are entire magazines and ESPN radio shows devoted to the subject. This is a nation of weirdos who spend hours singing along with digital rock bands on their plasma tvs, when they aren't blowing away "the enemy" with plastic controllers and single-handedly making the world safe for--well, whoever. Fellow losers, I guess.

So I really shouldn't be surprised that one of this year's Most Popular Super Bowl Commercials features a disgustingly clueless jackass determined to expend enormous amounts of energy to get his girlfriend's dog to slam himself into a screen door. A disgustingly pointless pile of mucus poured into a pair of jeans which somehow found itself a hot girlfriend, whose only response to the mentally challenged drek she inexplicably refers to as "babe" is to ask "please don't tease my dog." (Naturally, fuckface pays no mind- after all, who could possibly resist the opportunity to hurt a dog?)

I guess I'm mildly surprised when the commercial ends with the dog unhurt- after all, if the PROSPECT of a dog breaking it's nose on a door is hysterical, wouldn't the actual event be totally ROTFLMAO side-splitting? But I'm not at all taken aback by the non-punchline from Good Lord Why Does This Dipshit Have A Girlfriend At All She Must Have Serious Self-Esteem Issues Bag of Rocks Please Die Now Dickwad. After all, I've seen a LOT of commercials. It takes a lot more than this to throw me.

Oh and BTW, the commercial is for Doritos. Does that matter? Does anyone care or remember after this horrible thirty seconds?