Thursday, December 1, 2011

I nominate "Dinosaur! Ball! Dinosaur! Ball!" as the first great Catchphrase of 2012



Man, I love these cheap, late night, amateurish advertisements for "miracle" junk. Eagle Eye Sunglasses, Food Choppers, Magic Jacks, Snuggies- they are all so awesome in their brilliant awfulness, I almost hate to snark on them. But hey, I've got a job to do here, so....

Can we start with those kids, who for some reason are planted like stereo speakers on either side of I Swear I Am This Close To Getting Out The Gun dad, inexplicably screaming "Dinosaur!" "Ball!" "Dinosaur!" "Ball!" (What IS that argument about, anyway? One kid has a dinosaur, the other kid has a ball. What is the freaking problem? Maybe it's a contest- "let's see how long we have to keep this up before dad snaps and kills us?") We have to love these kids- they've been given one line each, and they are making the most of it.

Let's continue on to Nagging Wife in Bed, who once again reminds Daddy that he's living in a house with other people, and simply can't blast the television at the volume he'd like (a volume which may allow him to briefly forget that he's living in a house with other people?) Dad needs to explain to Mom that he's just trying to avoid the creation of any more offspring, because God Damn It if he has to listen to "Dinosaur!" "Ball!" "Glow Worm!" he really IS going to start hurting people.

The answer to this guy's horrible dilemma is a pair of headphones which allow him to drown out the world around him with the roar of the wonderful television. When he's wearing these amazing, Get An Extra Pair Just Pay Separate Shipping and Handling headphones, he can pretend the family he woke up and found himself with does not exist. Maybe he can forget- again- about that appointment his wife made to have his freaking hearing checked.

The point is that for Only $19.99 (Plus Shipping and Handling, and don't think you are getting off the phone without ordering that "free" extra pair) you can keep your sanity by escaping from your dismal existence for a while- and nobody has to get hurt. Sounds like a bargain to me.
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3 comments:

  1. RogueFiccerDecember 2, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    I love that you can go outside and listen to the TV. Now couch potatoes have no excuse not to mow the lawn or rake the leaves when the big game is on. ;p Your mention about how Hubby can now conveniently ignore the need for a hearing test hits close to home, as my father's hearing is bad but, for some reason, he still doesn't have a hearing aid and the volume is always cranked up. I'm tempted to get him a pair of these just to save my mom's and my ears.

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  2. John F JameleDecember 3, 2011 at 4:17 AM

    I think that you're forgetting that the secret behind the Low Low Price is that the product never actually works as advertised.

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  3. Morning KvetchMarch 11, 2012 at 9:18 PM

    The second scene with the annoying kids is just as fake and obnoxious...their dialogue consists of the following:

    "I want you to play with me!"
    "No!"
    "I want you to play with me!"
    "No!"
    "I want you to play with me!"
    "No!"

    Repeat ad nauseam...

    It's just so painfully obvious that the kids in this ad were never really given anything to say and were expected to ad lib their irritating banter (the director not getting too worried about it--"It's not like anyone's going to hear them above the voiceover anyway"). So they first came up with the ludicrous idea of yelling the name of the toys they were pretending to play with ("Dinosaur!" "Ball!" "Dinosaur!" "Ball!"), then decided that on the second go-round they should at least sound like they were having an interactive conversation. Hence "I want you to play with me!" "No!" repeated unto all eternity.

    Just kill me now.

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