Monday, January 16, 2012

Maybe this guy IS an authority on what is Not Funny



On some planet I will never occupy, Larry the Cable Guy is funny. "Get 'er done" is an absolutely drop-dead hysterical catch-phrase that leaves one rolling on the floor, laughing one's ass off. Anything involving sleeveless shirts, three-day beards, feed caps, chewing tobacco, pickup trucks, American flag patches and the Golden Corral is already hilarious- adding jokes about toilets, white bread, ugly wives and beer is just the icing on an already amazingly delicious cake.

And on that planet I'll never even visit, the kings of Blue Collar Comedy can sell us anything. Just by appearing on the screen and doing their schtick, which invariably involves waddling around with 60 lbs or so of extra flab spilling over their belts, spewing each line with an exaggerated southern-hick accent, and being as Caucasian as humanly possible. You'd THINK that the only things these people could effectively pitch is beer, KFC, and trucks, but you'd be wrong. On this planet, where babies can sell online trading services, fat men in dirty t-shirts can sell us anything. Including heartburn medication.

Ok, maybe this actually does make a little sense. I mean, this guy comes right out and tells us that he's a dumb ass who doesn't know a thing about medicine, but he's "got a degree" in stuffing fatty, spicy junk down his cake hole. And when he's overindulged, why, Prilosec is what he turns to. Sure beats the alternative, which is not overindulging. This IS America, after all. Still....

I'm not at all sorry I don't live in this planet. Maybe I'm a snob, but I don't think I would ever feel like I belonged there. See, I only laugh at funny things, and I only buy from spokespeople who look like they might know what they are talking about. Maybe Jeff Gordon can sell me an oil filter, but I don't care what brand of soda or ice cream treat he likes. I don't care about ANYBODY ELSE'S taste in beer, and I wouldn't buy a Light beer if you threatened to permanently revoke my Man card. And while I can believe that this jerk gets heartburn on a regular basis, I'm not taking medical advice from someone who looks like he ought to be slopping the pigs or loading grain bags onto a pickup truck down at the feed store.

And I wouldn't watch five minutes of Larry the Cable Guy if you held a gun to my head. But then again, I'm just an alien here, right?
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4 comments:

  1. John F JameleJanuary 16, 2012 at 6:42 PM

    Of course it's not "wrong" to like one comedian and dislike another. It's a matter of taste. I don't think this guy is even remotely funny. But again- that's just me.

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  2. DreadedCandiru2January 17, 2012 at 4:14 AM

    The most gnawing thing about this hamster is that his accent is fake. Off stage, he sounds like the fat jerk from Nebraska he really is.

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  3. RogueFiccerJanuary 19, 2012 at 5:30 PM

    Incredibly not impressed by a guy whose message is, "Heartburn hurts, but avoiding what causes it would just not be fun, so ignore the fact something's wrong and just get rid of the pain so you can keep indulging. Who cares if it's unhealthy?" Yeah, definitely not interested.

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  4. WoodenfanJanuary 24, 2012 at 11:10 AM

    I'll say this right now: for me, no one holds a goldurned candle to George frakken' Carlin! Shame he never did commercials recently...and never again too.

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