33 seconds of absolutely nothing, courtesy of Subaru

Apparently this commercial debuted during the Super Bowl. I'm not surprised- for all the incredibly stupid hype, the annual exercise in excess has been a dumping ground for the most god-awful junk advertisers can throw at us for quite some time now.

I suppose that there is a population of knuckle-dragging, easily manipulated mouth-breathers out there who thought that the sight of dogs driving Subarus, sunning themselves on the beach, jumping into Subarus, and driving Subarus again was OMIGOD THE MOST FUNNIEST THING EVER EPIC LOL. Personally, the only thing I saw that was even remotely amusing was the "Do Not Attempt" disclaimer. Maybe my screen was too small and it read "do not attempt, dogs can't really drive cars." I don't know, and frankly, I don't care- except to say that if Subaru DID feel it necessary to warn the sawdust-for-brains bottom-feeders who laughed at this little nub of an ad, I honesty can't say I can blame them. Wouldn't shock me at all to hear of an epidemic of car crashes caused when glue-sniffing "grown-ups" tried to make their own YouTube videos featuring Rex and Paddles driving the family automobile. In fact, I'll be shocked if I DON'T hear any such stories.

As for me, every time I see dogs manipulated into acting like people for the benefit of some massive, soulless corporation, all I can think is two things: First, at least one actor who really needs a paycheck didn't get one. Second, the animals used in this ad has no idea that they are being exploited so that some fat, money-worshiping jackass can line his pocket. Neither thought gives me any pleasure. Nor does the ever-present sense that a lot of people found this all really adorable and awesome- a lot of children in adult bodies, that is.