Friday, March 16, 2012
Non-Partisan Stupidity from Carbonite
What can Ed Schultz and Rush Limbaugh, Rachel Maddow and Glenn Beck, Thom Hartmann and Sean Hannity all agree on? I mean, besides the "need" to invest at least part of our investment portfolios in gold, "the only asset isn't somebody else's liability?"
Well, this is actually a pretty easy answer: It's that we must all back up our files using Carbonite. Because our whole lives are on our laptops.
In case you didn't buy the idea that your bookmarks, recipes, and--well, actually, for 99.9 percent of us, that's just about it- were absolutely irreplaceable, here's an utterly obnoxious, sadly topical commercial from Carbonite. A beautiful young woman is preparing for The Most Important Day of Her Life when a wizened old woman, representing the Specter of Death, tells her that she's "about to lose everything." In another room, the anxious groom obsesses with his receding hairline and is told by a male version of the vulture freaking out his bride that he, too, is "about to lose everything."
It all sounds very creepy, very ominous, especially with the eerie background music (which the YouTube losers have instantly fallen in love with and OMIGOD MUST IDENTIFY AND POSSESS RIGHT NOW LOL.) Oddly, despite the dire warnings of impending disaster, Bride and Groom go on with the ceremony, only to have it interrupted by a slovenly, stupid dick who bursts into the church roaring "you're going to lose your files!"
Oh, horrors. The new couple, having silly, non-file related stuff like Weddings and Planning for a Life Together on their minds, have totally forgotten the importance of backing up their Suddenly More Important Than Anything Ever stored information "off-site" (perhaps In The Cloud? Have I mentioned lately how much I hate this century?)
Thankfully, we aren't shown their reaction- I have this sick feeling that they would have broken off the nuptials to call Carbonite and get signed up at the Low Low Rate of $55 per year. Because you can get married any time. Do you realize how hard it is to get bookmarks back?
"You're going to lose Everything." "Everything" just isn't as all-encompassing as it used to be, is it? Except that crap like this seems perfectly acceptable to "liberal" and "conservative" yakkers alike, it's kind of hard to see the point.
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That old lady at the start was creepy in that horror-flick kind of way.
ReplyDeleteBride: "Everything? What do you mean? Is Craig going to leave me at the altar? Did my car get stolen with my purse in it? Did my house burn down? Are my parents about to die in a freak explosion that takes out the first row of pews at my wedding? Who are you, lady, and how'd you get in here? Where's my cousin, Danny? DANNY! You're supposed to be an usher! Get this crazy old bat outta my dressing room!"
The amusing thing is that old-fashioned paper records stand a better chance of lasting the centuries than anything on the cloud.
ReplyDeleteWhich is why anyone with sense makes hard copies.
DeleteBacking up your files is smart. That's why I have a flash drive. You can get one with more than enough space for the average computer user for less than $55 and it'll serve you quite well for many, many years.
DeleteJust another "here's a service you didn't know you needed because you don't" ad.
ReplyDeleteYeah, well, the cloud's so redundant that the data timespan would surprise you. And why do your files need to outlive you anywway.
ReplyDeleteI'm a writer of fiction novels, which I write on a computer, and losing those files would be a pretty bad day. So I can see why people using a backup service. Not to mention smaller businesses.
I can see why this might be a valuable service for writers and businesses. But of course, it can't be marketed to people who might actually need it- no money in that. So instead, Carbonite must convince us that flash drives and the backup services that come with our laptops aren't enough, and that if we don't use Carbonite we may lose all our "irreplaceable" junk, without which life would simply not be worth living.
ReplyDeleteThat is my main complaint with ads for all these high tech toys...they never seem to show us the product being used for something productive or useful. Instead, they waste prodigious means on dubious ends like playing Angry Birds.
DeleteAgreed. I'm a writer (to the tune of about 10000 words a week), my stupid Dell laptop dies this morning, and I have a Carbonite backup. Which I can't access because the site has been DOWN ALL FREAKING DAY. Grrr. Think I might have to look at Mozy.
ReplyDeleteDownload the free Goyus application from www.goyus.com. It finds your photos, videos and documents automatically and backs them up to Google. You can also upload entire photo and video albums to Facebook and YouTube.
ReplyDelete"STOP! You're going to lose your virginity!"
ReplyDeleteI don't know about Carbonite, but the commercial itself is just plain obnoxious and uninspiring, and I dread knowing it will be played again in the next half hour.
ReplyDelete