Maybe LifeLock would make more money just selling shredders?

I actually really like this commercial on several levels.  I like the way the guy sauntering into the bank to begin his master plan of breaking into someone else's account and stripping it of money can't decide whether he looks more threatening with his hoodie on or off.  I like the way the guard thinks he looks suspicious, but the thief is menacingly dismissive as he walks across the floor of a place which resembles no bank I've ever been in to pull off his Masterpiece of Crime  (I think the building is supposed to remind us of the US Treasury, or Fort Knox, or something.  It looks like Hollywood's version of a bank, circa 1940.)

And I love the little robot that comes swooping down to foil the Bad Guy's Evil Intentions.*  It comes complete with a rotating red light and the magical ability to bring down a set of iron bars to prevent the clueless teller from handing Bad Guy your hard-earned money.  If LifeLock actually provided a cool Super Hero Robot like that, I think I might ignore the fact that the founder of this "service" has had his own identity stolen several times and that LifeLock itself has been the target of multiple complaints and lawsuits.  Or maybe not.

And I really love that in another version of this ad, new subscribers are offered, free of charge, a shredding machine (retail value $29.95) with their paid membership.  Why do I love that?  Because for 99.99% of us, the shredding machine is pretty much all we'd ever need to protect our identities, which are most commonly stolen by dumpster divers who take advantage of people too stupid or lazy to tear up credit card offers and other sensitive material the idiots at VISA and AMEX insist on sending us through snail mail.  So we sign up for LifeLock, AND use our shredding machine, and like magic our identities are....umm....no longer stolen. Something like that.

So while I really do like this ad, Mr. LifeLock CEO, I'm not going to be signing up for your service for two reasons.  First, I don't have any money for a thief to steal.  Second, you don't offer that little robot with a paid subscription.  Just a paper shredder I can buy at any Staples without signing up for your phony "protection."  When you are ready to throw in the robot, get back to me.  Because seriously, he really does look pretty cool.

*Especially the way it taps its foot at Bad Guy.  I mean, how adorable is that?