Saturday, August 25, 2012
Despite this warning from Radio Shack, we never really saw it coming, did we?
I can remember seeing this commercial, more than 20 years ago, and just snickering at the concept of a company best known for selling cheap batteries trying to convince the average consumer that they could ever get enough use out of a portable phone to justify it's bulk and cost.
Well, shows what I know. Sure, the bulk went away- from four pounds to a couple of ounces- and so did the cost (I think this thing, which looks like it could have been used on the beaches at Normandy, retailed for around $3000.) Maybe that had something to do with it. But in twenty years cellular phones went from being a rather clunky, heavy, stupid, expensive luxury to a tiny, light, stupid, expensive luxury--errr, I mean, Absolute Necessity.
And of course, since just talking on a phone wasn't enough (it was for 100 years, remember) we got texting, video cameras, televisions, projection screens, and the internet thrown in. Because Radio Shack, and all of the other drug peddlers who got us hooked on these things, simply cannot bear the thought that we might ever put them down. So every year, they add something to give us an excuse to never do that. These days, the tag line is "Share Everything." Uh huh. Because suddenly, thanks to your cell phone, everything is worth sharing. Sure it is.
Anyway, the age of suitcase-sized briefcases and beepers didn't last very long, did it? I mean, I never even saw one of these things in real life. I do remember phones without cameras. I also remember sane people who didn't brag about the technology they held in their hands as if A) it's expensive, B) it's exclusive, C) it takes some special skill not shared with everyone over the age of six to use, and D) they built it. In other words, I'm old enough to remember the days before these things turned people into zombie assholes.
I heard a radio personality the other day suggest that life would suddenly become much more bearable if "all the satellites fell out of the sky." I can't say I disagree, though it would deprive me of this blog. But if I was to wake up one day and find that I had no more material for This Commercial Sucks, no one would be happier than I. Believe me, I'd find something else to do.
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I not only remember phones before cameras and all the bells and whistles, that's what I have right now. A camera would be nice at times, like when I'm out on a walk and see turkeys or a skunk or some deer, but that's as fancy as I want to go. I don't understand the purpose of many 'must-have' features on the most cutting-edge phones, and think others, like 'net access, are nothing more than another way for corporations to suck our wallets as empty as possible. I'm sure there are some, such as businessmen, who truly do have a use for data plans and being able to get online from their smartphone. The rest of us can bloody well be patient and wait until we get home to share the news that everyone Absolutely Must Hear about how we found the cutest shirt at the mall or our boyfriend is just the sweetest guy because he went out of his way on the way home from work to get me the cookies I love because I've been in a funk lately.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it ever occurs to the people who work for that businessman that now, thanks to their amazing Instant, Constant Access phones, they are always at work. No more downtime while traveling back and forth to the office. No more weekends out of touch. No more "sorry I missed your call, I was out of the house" or "well, that's all at the office, you'll have to wait till Monday." Nope- now worker drones are worker drones 24/7.
DeleteYes, this is MUCH better.
Gotta love America 2012. Because working yourself into a divorce, emotionally distant kids, and an early grave is totally worth it! xp
DeleteI was at a party this summer when someone made a rude, "oh my god how old is that?" comment about my little Nokia phone (camera, but no internet access or all that other crap- just talk and text.) This guy whipped out his Android phone and started to explain all the stuff he could do with it.
ReplyDeleteI told him that I wasn't born yesterday and didn't live under a rock, and was therefore well aware that for a few hundred dollars down, and another hundred dollars a month or so, I too could purchase one of these little toys and stay online 24/7, no matter where I was. My "problem," I explained, was that I didn't WANT to be on the internet all that much. I don't need to see every email the moment it arrives, and I don't have a Facebook account. I like to read my Kindle on the train, or listen to my music or the news on my portable XM radio, or just think (imagine that!)
Naturally, he looked at me like I was a 90-year old alien. Whatever.
Oh, and I'm not going to become one of these noxious dopes who take pictures of everything they see Just Because They Can. My sister has about a thousand pictures of her dog on her phone. No kidding. Her dog. Sleeping. Sitting. Looking into the camera. Did I mention sleeping?
DeleteNo pictures of the dog shitting?
DeleteNot yet but soon.
Delete