KFC's pitch: Silence is Golden. And Fat.

Here's a terrific holiday message from Kentucky FRIED Chicken:  When you find yourself between two obnoxious little monsters who simply will not stop playing their horrid "I'm not touching you" game, buy yourself some peace and quiet by simply poisoning them.

You might ask- why doesn't this slob just get up and walk away from these two spawns of Satan?  Well, just look at the guy- he doesn't look like Getting Up and Walking Away are activities that hold a whole lot of appeal to him.  However, he's probably on a first name basis with the girl behind the register at KFC.  Too bad, because this sure looks like a situation where a good, strong pair of legs would be a real life saver.

You might also ask- are these actual children, or well-trained dogs?  I mean, there is a bucket of chicken and a plate of cookies just sitting there.  But the kids are completely oblivious to their presence until their "Uncle" hands each of them a cookie.  First- I've never seen a kid shut up completely just because they have a cookie. These kids act as if they've never experienced one before, and are engrossed in the experience.  Second- that bucket is full of chicken.  So-- the kids didn't eat any chicken, but are skipping right to the desert?  Normally, I'd consider that to be rather poor modeling behavior for someone who is clearly supposed to be watching his nephews.  But then I remember this is KFC, and think that it's probably just as well the kids don't want to eat any of that stuff in the bucket.

And while I generally consider handing kids "food" like the grease-infused dead bird parts they serve up at KFC to be obvious child abuse, I can't say as I blame this guy for shutting these future heart valve donor seekers up by shoveling out the garbage.   I mean, just listen to them.  If this guy's waistline and asthma issues won't allow him to escape, he's got to do SOMETHING.