Use Shutterfly to help decorate my trash can

Here's another opportunity for disgustingly perfect, white suburban families to make sickly-sweet, treacly little reminders that they exist and that Their Lives Are Better Than Yours.  It's called Shutterfly, and as near as I can tell, it was created to stick another salt-encrusted knife into the stomachs of people like me who aren't married to beautiful women, don't live in suburban estates, and don't even have ONE offspring.  Not even ONE.  Man, am I NOT in the need for Shutterfly!

But if you have the standard white skin, pretty little palace, pretty little wife and pretty little kids who are apparently manufactured and shipped out of some factory in Utah but are only available to certain people, here's another way to show how Awesome you have it without buying a new SUV.  Just get your kids to pose for a few seconds, pick out some garish background like Santa's sleigh or a Christmas tree or a Snowman or something else so fucking cute that we just won't be able to stand it.  Your friends will be delighted to know things are still going great for you; they might even hold on to the card longer than they used to hold on those God-Awful annual updates people used to send out every year before they finally figured out that nobody gave a damn (or realized they could save postage by starting a blog nobody in their right mind would ever visit.)

You thought wedding invitations that included photos of the Lovely Couple were bad?  Wait till Shutterfly becomes all the rage among your Happily Married And Don't You Ever Forget It friends!  Man, I hate this time of year.