"THIS year, I'm think I'll ask EMILY to the dance."
1.  "THIS" year?  What is this kid, ten years old? 
2.  "I think I'll ask EMILY to the dance"- how many dances has this kid been to?  Seriously, do schools start throwing dances in kindergarten now?
3.  Maybe I'm confused, and this is actually a 50-year old man who just LOOKS like a kid.  After all, that would explain why he's trying out 35-year old dance moves in front of his mirror.
I mean, what the hell?
 
4) What kid is impressed by getting something from the Burlington Coat Factory?!
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