Calling BSers on their BS. "Inspired" by Fios

Never mind a deep analysis of this ad's obvious message- "we are taking note of our critics and are only too happy to come after you if we don't like what you say," let's just take a closer look at the disgusting, pasty douchenozzles who actually took the time to stop sucking their thumbs and bitch about a service which would have seemed utterly miraculous less than twenty years ago:

"Did you say 'my internet is so bad that it's giving my kids psychological problems?"

Steve: "Yes."

When Steve acknowledges that, yes, he admitted that his kids are so fucking shallow that less than stellar internet service is causing them deep emotional, life changing distress (or that HE is so fucking shallow that he thinks "Despicable Me 2 isn't streaming fast enough" equals "psychological distress") he's naturally treated to an upgrade.  Because the Dumbest Wheel gets the grease, after all.

"My internet is so slow it would be faster to look things up in the library?"  Did you post this?

"Yes."

Umm, when was the last time you were at a library?  When was the last thing you looked up other than the location of the nearest 24-hour Little Caesar's?  Are you actually trying to convince me that you are doing research in something you wouldn't mind your neighbors finding out about?

"My internet is so slow it's like a car without gas."

Did you post this, Lindsay S?  You did? Well, lady, a poet you are NOT.  You are aware, of course, that a car without gas isn't slow, it's stationary, right?  I mean, did you put any thought into your comment at all?

A few more honest visits like this, and these moron jackanapes will shut their whineholes and just accept the fact that not having Everything Right Now isn't the absolute worst thing in the world.  At least, we can hope.