Saturday, September 6, 2014
Miller Lite- you aren't taking credit for me, sorry
According to this commercial, I exist because
A) My dad drank enough Lite Beer to lose his pot belly and become attractive enough to convince my mom to have sex with him, AND/OR
B) My mom drank enough Lite Beer to convince herself that my dad was attractive enough to have sex with.
Well, fuck you, Miller Lite. Believe it or not, people were having procreative sex before you started producing your watery swill of a beer, and not all sexual contact is the result of alcohol consumption (gee, what a great message, btw.) And I thought Apple was being pretentious for basically taking credit for making it possible for us to exist with it's stupid technology- at least that company never claimed to be responsible for my very BEING.
(oh, and check out the comments of the YouTube monkeys- yes, there are actually people out there who did not recognize this tune. Man are we an illiterate society, or what? I'm actually willing to believe that the dumbass who asked "what is that song" probably IS the product of a drunken encounter in the back seat of van- and I suspect that his mom didn't swear off beer when the stick turned blue. But I'm not- and you can't convince me otherwise, Miller. Maybe you should go back to pretending to honor vets in order to sell your product- that wasn't quite as obnoxious as this ad campaign.)
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Oh, thank you! I have returned here after months away (long story), and am so delighted to see you attacked this commercial. Not only for the presumptuousness of Miller Lite claiming to be responsible for all our parents having had sex (sorry, Miller, I existed long before your crappy Lite beer), but to rip a new one on the YouTube commenters who DON'T RECOGNIZE THE SONG. Sheesh. Actually, I fear Miller Lite has ruined the song for me somewhat. Please, don't kill off fondly remembered parts of my childhood.
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