The happy ending to this Verizon ad

An estimated 1600 sad, techno-addled and addicted morons were crushed to death in a tragic stampede which apparently started when someone yelled out into a crowded room "look, there's a door leading to more data!"

The tragedy comes on the heels of the Great Hey I Wasn't Finished Recharging My Phone At the Airport Recharging Station Asshole massacre of last fall, and the Christmas You Are Using All The Bandwidth Streaming That Movie Dicktard melee of last month.

Officials expressed something less than total surprise at this occurance, because after all, More Data.

The fourteen people in the room who were reading books or carrying on actual conversations with each other or just entertaining themselves with their own thoughts were unharmed in the incident.  That's the happy ending suggested in the title of this blog post.