My apologies to M&M Mars

A few days ago, I picked on M&M Mars for producing a god-awful commercial tying their candy with the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie.  I don't take back anything I said; it was a very stupid attempt at cross-promotion which came across as lazy and insulting and made me retroactively hate both the candy and the original movie.  All of that stands.

But compared to this schlock, the candy ad was high art.  I mean, I know Dairy Queen ("DQ" this, seriously) is pretty much expected to produce the most insipid, barrell-scraping stupid commercials which don't feature beer or Real People, Not Actors.  But this is even lower than their usual standards.  We've got the thirtysomething white people in jobs held in real life by teenagers and college students, first of all.  But then we've got one of those employees getting a thrill repeatedly wiping off a lifesized carboard cutout of one of the actors....um, wtf-ever, Dairy Queen.  Anything to distract us from the Artificial Cold Junk In An Only Slightly Less Digestable Cup, I guess.

Oh, and just try to take one of these things into the theater with you when you try to obey the commercial's command to see Guardians of the Galaxy II.  If I were you, I'd just smuggle in a bag of M&Ms.  And go see a better movie while I'm at it.