Paul, McDonald's, and coworkers who want Paul dead

I hope you guys don't actually have to go through nearly four minutes of another ad featuring some jackass wandering around his office showing us the highlights of something or another for some reason or another ("I've got a lot of books here, and I've learned a lot from them.....here's my closet....here's my kitchen but I don't really eat there that much Manhattan has a lot of great restaurants..." seriously) like I did- but even if you don't, there's no reason to watch what is a series of really stupid "My office is full of kleptomaniacs who keep steeling my lunch so that's why you keep seeing me every afternoon ordering from McDonald's I have a legit excuse seriously" ads.  Just read the helpful description some McDonalds Monkey posted along with the commercial.  It explains everything that happens in it.  Because that's what you do when you post super-complicated commercials like this, I guess.

So this stupid fat jackass responds to his lunch being stolen by going to the only place in town where an alternative lunch is available- McDonald's.  In this ad, he gets McDiabetes Meal #3 featuring fried chicken parts and a triple cheeseburger.  In another he gets two McChicken sandwiches and a Sprite.  I think there's another where he just asks the cashier to shoot him because he's sick of being referred to as the Gassy Pig in Cubicle 5. 

And then he goes back to the office to consume his 2000 empty calories, thanking whoever stole his lunch because he had an excuse to gorge himself (and fall into a carb coma an hour later, no doubt.)  I can't help but wonder if the guy who keeps stealing the yogurt and fruit salad Stupid Paul puts in the office fridge has a life insurance policy on Stupid Paul.  One that pays a double indemnity if Paul's heart explodes during working hours.