I am not a good person, which is why I'm going to keep picking on this Verizon Fios thing

Hey look everybody, it's the squishy blob of protoplasm currently employed as a spokesomething by Verizon Fios!  Seriously, though, I don't like being mean- but what the hell is WITH this kid?

It's bad enough that he sounds like he's sucking on marbles and he looks like leftover genetic material from a Science Fair experiment gone horribly wrong, but what makes it truly horrible is his endless pimping for a crappy internet service devoted to keeping us glued to our electronic devices 24/7.

So I have only two questions for this thing-

1.  Have you ever made a friend other than online, or do your fellow gamers labor under the false impression that they are playing against a fellow human being?

2.  Do you get your raw fish treat as soon as the shoot is over, or do you have to flap your flippers and bark some squeaky code first?