Verizon Fios Presents: The Modern Version of Babysitting

So this couple has hired Dustin the Creepy Fios WonderSomething to "babysit" their kids for the evening, and immediately give him the password to their internet connection while warning him that "if" the kids go online (seriously, "if?" Really?  Are they ever NOT online?) his own speeds will be really slow.  Naturally Dustin the Fios Gnome freaks out and wonders why his Employers of the Evening don't invest in much better internet service for his own convenience.

Did I miss something?  I used to babysit.  It involved playing games and telling stories and actually KEEPING AN EYE ON KIDS.  Not just physically being in the same house with the kids while they surfed the web on one device while I used another one- maybe because the last time I babysat, the internet was still over a decade away.  Or maybe because I was being paid to take care of children, not just be nearby in case a fire broke out or because state laws required that an adult be in the home and the parents didn't want to deal with Child Protective Services.

But I guess with the internet sitters don't really have to pay attention to the kids at all anymore- they just have to be in the vicinity for a few hours until Mom and Dad come back home.  But for chrissakes, Dustin, can't you just read a fricking book for a few hours if the internet speeds are slow?  You can't even do the modern version of babysit, which involves no effort, if you can't also be online?  What a jackass.