Warm Holiday Exchange, brought to us from Portal

They aren't having an "ugly sweater" party.

She isn't having a "burnt cookie" party.

They are both having a "stupid, passive-aggressive party."

They are both better off being hundreds of miles from eachother during the holidays.

They only own Portal so that they can continue to be stupid and vicious to eachother even while hundreds of miles away.

And in keeping with television commercials in general, the woman with the burnt cookies has a kitchen larger than my apartment.  Happy holidays to you, too, Portal.