In two years, Paul from Sprint will be yipping like a puppy for T-Mobile

"Hi I'm Paul, and I had a sweet gig with Verizon for a few years that I thought might lead to an acting career. Then my shelf life expired, Verizon dumped me overboard, and I found myself on the edge of homelessness because I couldn't find an ounce of acting ability with an x-ray machine and a mag-lite. So I decided to do the only thing I had any talent for- whoring myself out to a crappy cell service company and going back to making America hate my stupid fat face and dumbass grin." "And hey, check it out- I get to share time with an attention-sucking CGI robot thing, because Sprint is smart enough to know you sure as hell aren't about to switch phone services on MY word. After all, I've proven that I'll be a brown-noser for any company willing to put money in my pocket. Aren't I trustworthy?"