I'm ready to Cart Witness for Glow Pets!

Children all over the world are discovering the magic of Glow Pets!

Glow Pets are soft and fluffy and light up with the push of a button!

Glow Pets are great for storytime, or just for snuggles.  Glow Pets are extremely rare- only one child in ten thousand will ever actually have a Glow Pet, as written in the Holy Scriptures of the Glowing Pet!

Glow Pets exist in jungles, space and even under water- but if you look for them and you can't find them, that simply means that you just Don't Believe Enough!

Glow Pets are the only source of True Happiness in the World.  Other toys, friends, parents-- those are all temporary, damaged, and superficial comforts compared to the Everlasting Joy that only a Glow Pet can bring!

Glow Pets love you, and demand that you love them back.  If you don't love them back, you are a horrible sinful creature who needs a Glow Pet all the more.  Open your heart to Glow Pets, who only want the love and obedience they deserve.

Go out and spread the Good News of the Glow Pets.  No child is complete without a Glow Pet of his own. 

Glow Pets are Jealous Pets.  They shall have no other Pets before Them.  To truly enjoy the love of a Glow Pet, children must throw out all of their other material comforts and embrace only their Glow Pet.

Glow Pets will Provide.  Have Faith in the Glow Pet.  Think nothing of today; This System will soon pass away, and then the true believers will be with their Glow Pets for eternity.  Those who rejected the love of the Glow Pet will suffer a fate too horrible to comprehend.

Have no Association with anyone who has turned away from Glow Pets, for they are no longer your brothers and no longer enjoy the graces of the Glow Pets. (Paul's Epistle to Walmart, 4:15)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get started on my 70 hours per month of Glow Pet Witnessing door to door.  All Hail the Glow Pets!