One Boomer's take on these stupid Verizon Ads

 

1.  The random stupid smiling faces.  What the hell are you people on?  Oh, right- the drug called FaceTime.  You are so very sad.

2.  "I'm on my phone 24/7."  Again, said with a smile.  That's nothing to be happy about, you freaking idiot.  There's more to life than interacting with your phone.  Am I speaking a foreign language to you?  Well, what difference could that possibly make, as you're clearly already dead.  And you can't hear what I'm saying anyway, unless of course I'm talking to you over your phone, which you're thrilled to be on "24/7."  Pathetic. 

3.  "We're a big soccer family."  Wow, so YOU'RE the one.  Is this an attempt to sell Verizon's soccer package as a reason to buy it?  

4.  "Handmaid's Tale...."  I loved the book.  The series is pretty much the most boring thing that has ever been committed to television.  I mean, come on.  Logan's Run translated into a weekly series better than Handmaid's Tale.  And the television series Logan's Run was basically just Star Trek on Earth.  Didn't work.  Neither does Handmaid's Tale. 

5.  "I love Frozen...."  You know it's available on DVD, right?  You don't really need a service package from Verizon, or anyone else, to watch Frozen as many times as you want.  You need a DVD player.  

6.  The stupid forced diversity.  Who are these people?  Are they a family?  If not, why are they all there together gushing about how awesome it is to never be off their phones or be able to watch tv shows and movies on tiny screens?  These people are simultaneously sad and ever so punchable.