Step One: Call our convenient toll-free number. It's free! It's the only part of our service that's free, so you might as well use it. For free!
Step Two: Wait on hold for a minimum of twenty-five minutes while our Dedicated Operators deal with other frustrated, worried customers who are dumb enough to think that they are actually going to benefit from the "insurance" and "peace of mind" they think they've been paying for for months if not years. Enjoy the tinny music running in an endless loop periodically interrupted with messages like "your call is very important to us" and "did you know that you can save us even more money by not bothering our operators and just filing a claim which we'll totally ignore online? You get the same non-service online as you'll get if you keep waiting on the phone, stupid!"
Step Three: Actually file a claim which will be carefully filed in the circular file container next to the operator's desk which looks suspiciously like a trash can.
Step Four: After three weeks or so, call back to be told that your claim was rejected because the damage done to your car includes items that are not included in the All Covered Parts are Covered covered list. Should have read the fine print, stupid.
Step Five: File an impotent complaint at the Better Business Bureau website, which you think will do something because you think that the BBB is some kind of government watchdog agency when in fact it's just another private company that has done an extraordinarily good job convincing people that it's some kind of government watchdog agency.
Step Six: File an impotent complaint with Ripoff Report.com, which will accomplish exactly as much as that BBB complaint accomplished: it will help you blow off some steam about the money you wasted.
Step Seven: Admit you paid the Stupid Tax and never, ever buy into Car Shield, Home Shield, or any of these BS "extended warranty" scams again.
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