How about "Diabetes EZ Pass?"

 

Or "Heart Attack Fuel?"

Or "Obesity Express Lane?"

Or "Afternoon at the Office Sleep Assist?"

Or "Roadblock to Universal Health Care/This is Why Americans Can't Have Nice Things?"

Or "Latest Contribution to the Problem?"

Any one of these would be more accurate than "Five Dollar Grande Crunch Up Meal," where the only accurate word is "Crunch," to describe this Unnecessary, Disgusting Carbohydrate and Fat Overload.*

*Hey, I just came up with another one!!