I just Can't with this Buick "Iggy" commercial

 

I mean, is Buick just trolling us now?  This awfulness starts with Obvious Trophy Wife escorting her kids out of their multimillion-dollar suburban home to the car.  After one of the kids is in the car he actually asks "woah mom, is this your new Buick?"  What the actual hell?  How is Mom supposed to answer this question?

A)  "Yes, this is the car you got into, and I'm driving it, so it belongs to me.  Your mother did not steal a car."

B)  "Yes, I reminded your dad that I'm still hot and I'm sick of showing poorly for the other Trophy Wives on the block."  or

C)  "Yes, it's my new car.  Why did you get into it if you had any doubts?  Why did you not notice when I brought it home from the dealership yesterday?  Did you get into the paint chips again?"

And then one of her awful little brats is dealing with a cell phone that is almost completely dead.  She responds by telling her to put the phone in the Buick's charger (she has to keep saying "Buick," because that's what people do in Buick commercials.  They constantly remind everyone what kind of car they are driving, and that car is a Buick.  Because Buick isn't exactly the most-sought after car among people with multi-million-dollar suburban mansions, and Buick would like to change that.  Buick.

And I guess there's more drama with a lizard one of the kids is bringing to school for Reasons.  This becomes a big deal after the LookAtMeMobile pulls up to school and the kids get out and "the crowd starts screaming" for more Reasons.  

"How can you remain calm?" a fellow parent asks TrophyWife.  Possible answers include

A)  "What do you mean?  A lizard is loose outside my car.  I am about to drive away, leaving you with my kids.  Why shouldn't I be calm?"

B)  "Why are you talking as if you were along for the ride and you know about the MAYHEM THAT OCCURRED when Thing One mentioned facts about the lizard and Thing Two's phone was almost dead?  I mean, you weren't there to see that.  So you are asking me 'how can I remain calm' over a lizard being on the sidewalk?"

C)  "Look at my life.  There is zero reason for me to be upset about anything, ever."

Instead we get "massaging seats," which yeah we didn't hate you enough already, thanks for including that.  Now hurry along, you're late for your daily pedicure or whatever else you do to spend your time waiting for Sugar Daddy to come home and display the kind of genius that resulted in your stupid kids.  He'll probably ask something like "Hey Honey, is that your new Buick?"