There is so much hilariously wrong with this scam, it would take pages and pages of commentary to get through it all, but I'm just going to focus on a few of the lowlights:
Most of this ad is a glowing description of a coin which is NOT FOR SALE HERE; a $50 Gold Buffalo Coin which was released back in the 1930s. We are told how much gold THAT coin had and how rare THAT coin is.
Then, without missing a beat the narrator segues into a discussion of the coin which is ACTUALLY FOR SALE HERE: a "tribute" to the previously mentioned, actually valuable coin which is "clad" in cold (gilded) but which in fact provides what is currently about seventy cents worth of the precious metal the original coin was MADE OUT OF. If you aren't paying attention- and this scummy fraud company really, really hopes that you aren't- you won't notice that the commercial is asking you to buy a cheap imitation of a valuable coin. You'll think you are being offered a rare $50 gold piece for a preposterously low price by nice people who for some reason want to practically give them away because they are so nice.
We are told that "the price of the original edition is going through the roof"- so yeah, if you happen to own one, you have got a nice little investment there that you might want to keep in a safe deposit box. But if you don't own one, we can buy this piece of garbage which kind of looks like the real thing. The narrator isn't going to put it quite like that, but that's exactly what he's saying- this is a "tribute copy."
The price of this junk was "supposed to be set at $50" but of course that wasn't going to get morons to grab their phones to call, so instead this next-to-worthless piece of tin is being offered for "only $9.95 plus shipping and handling." As soon as we get this price, we're reminded that the price of gold is skyrocketing- which is information about as useful as telling us that bark beetle infestations are expected to rise in the next three years. The price of gold has zero to do with the value of this particular "tribute," since there's virtually no gold in it. The ratio of aftershave to my face is probably greater than the ratio of gold to this trash. But the scam must go on.
This 2014 commercial, which I saw rebroadcast while watching MSNBC the other day, tells us that this offer can only be guaranteed for the next seven days. Well, that makes this the longest week since Genesis.
We get guff about "strict limits of five per caller" (yeah right- I GUARANTEE that if I called the number I could talk the operator into giving me a special deal for as many as I wanted) and "registration numbers" (if these coins were legitimate, why would they have such things? Just more evidence- as if we needed any- that we are being offered commemorative medals, not coins.)
Ok, there's fifty seconds left to this nonsense but I'm exhausted so I'll just end it here: This stupid impulse purchase comes with a Certificate of Authenticity, authenticating that, yes, you've purchased an all-but-worthless trinket you can try to explain to your exasperated children the next time they come over and beg you to sign over your power of attorney while you still have a little money left.
When they're not taking advantage of people's greed, they're taking advantage of their generosity and greed....thus, trapped funds scams.
ReplyDeleteI thought buying water in plastic bottles was the height of Western stupidity, but this was the year where people spent thousands of dollars on digital pictures of monkeys and imaginary money they couldn't access, so....
DeleteTerrific piece, John. Thanks for the laughs. Any politician who promises to put some teeth in FTC regulations and stop advertising from scammers like this from taking advantage of and capitalizing on people's ignorance will get my vote even if I disagreed with them about every other issue.
ReplyDelete