"Thousands of truck owners are switching to Ram...which means thousands of people who grill are switching to Ram. Thousands of people who eat grilled food are switching to Ram, and thousands of people who live next to people who grill food are switching to Ram."
"So basically, it's like we said with our first sentence: thousands of people are switching to Ram. Ok, now that we managed to say that in several sentences instead of One, let's continue to waste everyone's time:"
"Ram trucks can be used to move people from place to place- you know, just like cars. They can be used to move ATVs into the desert if you happen to live near one, or surfboards to the ocean if you happen to live near one, or a lot of fishing rods to the lake if you happen to live near one. They can bring heavy things from Point A to Point B better than cars, but if we're honest, no better than any other truck. But if we were honest, we'd be showing people parking these stupid overpriced Overcompensation-mobiles in their suburban driveways after coming home from their desk jobs. That kind of honesty might be admirable but it doesn't sell trucks to people who don't need trucks."
"So here's a truck you can use to do all those things you never do but you'd like people who don't know you to think you do because let's face it, you're kind of sad in your need for validation from total strangers- a need so strong, you'll pay twice as much for a utility vehicle with no actual utility for your actual life rather than just buy a car that fits your needs rather than your ego."
"So as we become more and more urbanized in our lifestyle, more and more people are switching to Ram, a truck allegedly built for rugged rural use. Makes sense to....well, our stockholders, and who else really matters?"
"Thousands of truck owners are switching to Ram. And after forty years of ads convincing suburbanites that they ought to be truck owners for Status, that's a lot of people switching from one truck they barely get use out of it that they couldn't get out an SUV for another truck they barely get use out of that they couldn't get out of an SUV. Thanks, America, for making Keeping Up With the Joneses the driving force of the suburban lifestyle! Never change!"
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