Where can David Ortiz possibly go from here?

 

2022:  David Ortiz appears in commercials for Cryptocurrency, "subtly" encouraging thousands of economically-ignorant viewers to put actual money into a mirage.  It's kind of hard to see which group of CryptoCrap "investors" are dumber- the ones who invest because they see a sports or entertainment millionaire suggest that its a good idea, or the ones who invest because they want to make a bold stand against "Fiat" currency by putting some of their own into an "Unregulated" (and therefore better, because remember how much more stable banks were before the Great Depression, when the official policy of the Federal Government was Hands Off.)  They both end up in the same place- wondering where their "worthless" paper money is and wishing they had it back.

2023:  David Ortiz appears in commercials for DraftKings, "subtly" encouraging thousands of economically-ignorant viewers that putting their money at risk every few seconds by tapping their iPhones makes the sportsball game they are watching a thousand times more fun than it was when they just viewed it with nothing but emotional stakes on the line.  99 percent of the customers for the "new" Make Your Own Poverty* app Ortiz is peddling are economically insecure (regardless of what we see on these commercials, customers of online betting- like customers of scratch-off tickets, Powerball, MegaBucks and the other 20,000 or so "games" being "offered" at the counter of your local convenience and liquor stores- are already living on the margins, which is why they are risking their money in the first place.)  And despite what we see in the ads, 99 percent of the people engaged in this destructive behavior lose money.  But it's all in fun, right?

2024- David Ortiz appears in commercials celebrating the fun of eating Tide pods?  Vaping?  Soliciting Prostitutes?  Speeding through School Zones?  It's gotta be something like one of those, if Ortiz wants to continue on his mission to destroy lives in exchange for some more of that sweet, sweet "Fiat" currency.

*Nothing new about gambling, of course, or commercials which make gambling look like more innocent fun than a day at Santa's Village with the grandchildren.  But it's never been so easy to lose money from the comfort of your own couch- I'd say "to scratch that itch," but "feed that addiction" would be more accurate.  Bottom line is- hey David Ortiz, why do you hate your fellow Americans so very, very much?