Yeah, don't just eat oats. Eat oats drenched in sugar. I guarantee that if you are the kid who gained fifty pounds of adipose tissue and is on insulin before the Senior Prom, she'll notice you.* I do NOT guarantee that the attention you get will be positive, however.
Seriously, I've checked out Honey Bunches of Oats. They taste really, really good. That's because they are really sweet. Sugar tastes good, in case you were born on another planet and weren't aware. It has absolutely zero positive impact on your health, however. I suggest that this kid finds some other way to get the object of his attraction to notice him that doesn't include taking on crap eating habits.
*actually, I shouldn't guarantee this. If this kid goes to a typical American high school, it's entirely possible that morbidly obese kids already on insulin are depressingly common.
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