Hey look, it's another Smarmy Kid Lecturing His Parents on what he needs to be Cool for School ad. I think that makes pretty much all of them.
I do think that the anger expressed at the little brat is misdirected, however. Yes, the kid has a very punchable face and his "hey lame parents, let me explain something to you in words even you can understand" condescension is grating, but let's remember that he's just reading lines fed to him by someone else and he's being exploited by his actual parents, who will be taking care of the royalties. Chances are this kid will have a moment of stardom in his little community that will quickly fade away and we'll never see or hear from him again. And the money from this ad will not exist by the time he's ready for college and could use it. Maybe to buy a backpack with sharks on it.
So we see a guy having fun with his dog, playing tug-of-war in...um, the living room. This is really stupid yet so typical of American television ads to watch a grown male with the means of possessing a large suburban home but not enough brain cells to avoid doing something common sense tells us not to do. Surrounded by expensive furniture, with sunlight streaming in the windows, he's going to play tug-of-war with his dog in the living room because of course he is.
Naturally, the guy falls down and breaks something while doing this stupid thing because again he's a Guy in an American Television Commercial. And then we get the pointless single phrase- an off-screen "What was that?" female voice because of course this doofus is married to a probably long-suffering woman who is somewhere else in the house trying to hold everything together despite her pathetically dense partner and his tendency to do damage every time she turns her back for fifteen seconds. We did not need to hear from this woman. She doesn't actually make an appearance. The guy quickly uses Gorilla Glue to mend the piece of furniture he broke. Maybe the message is that he would not have fixed the broken item right away if not prodded by the threatening tone of his female partner? Maybe his quick action is motivated by sheer terror? Maybe if that voice didn't pop into the ad we'd be wondering why he was in such a hurry to fix a broken piece of furniture in his own house (there's no woman in my house, so there's literally nothing BUT broken furniture here. Why would I fix anything- I'm not afraid of anyone pointing out my inability to take three steps without breaking something?)
Now that I've done all of this analysis, I guess the "pointless single phrase" wasn't so pointless. Watching this ad without sound, it makes perfect sense that this guy is playing with the dog in the living room instead of the lawn- he's a male, which means he's a moron, after all. But we'd be totally confounded as to why he's so quick to repair the damage he does. The off-screen female voice puts it all together and makes it all work. Thanks again, Sexist American Advertising Agencies!
Here's my answer to the customer who asks "my tween wants a new* phone, how do I get one without breaking the bank?": Don't buy your tween a phone at all. She wants one. She doesn't need one. Don't buy the phone, and you've instantly saved an amazing amount of money. Oh, but you might have to do some parenting, instead. So I guess you're going to go ahead and buy that phone and deal with the cost any way you can, because the important thing is that a kid under 13 years of age wants a phone.
My better question is "why is this geek wearing a winter hat indoors? And why is he getting a free pass from a woman who needs to spend less time sitting and looking at her phone and more time actually using some of that energy she's been storing? Why is she snarking that a guy driving a golf cart should "get a helmet for that thing" when the obvious response from the guy should be "why are you wearing shoes, you never seem to use them?"
*note that the tween doesn't want a phone- she wants a NEW phone. So she's under 13, and she's already had at least one phone that she's "grown out of (doesn't show well for her peer group.") This is so gross. Are American families struggling to make ends meet, or are they in "need" of an updated phone for their not-yet-13-freaking-year-old kids? We can't have it both ways.
....or at least, let's be more honest with our customers than our customers are with themselves.
You're offering a magic bullet/potion to "fix" a problem that took years to create. Building visceral fat doesn't take as long as building muscle, and it's a hell of a lot easier, but it doesn't happen overnight, either. Problems that develop over time require solutions that also take time. I don't care how much money you have, you aren't fixing a lifetime of bad habits with one visit- or a thousand- to Sono Bello.
Once these people have gone through the procedure to remove the excess energy built up over years of overeating and under-moving, what then? 99 percent of them will go right back to the unhealthy habits that made them customers of Sono Bello (and before that, "fad" or "crash" diets) and gain all the weight back. Social Media is saturated with so-called "Fat Activists" who like to tell us that "99% of diets fail" and "99% of people who lose weight gain it all back within a few years." It's practically an article of faith. But it's a perfect example of lying with statistics. A "diet" is used to lose weight. If you can't stick with it (and there are approximately 8000 diets out there that will help you lose weight but aren't sustainable) you'll go right back to your old habits and, yes, gain the weight back because such diets aren't a "cure" for the problem of excess weight.
The key is to use the other definition of "diet:" the food one regularly consumes for energy. To lose, gain or maintain weight, change your daily diet. Adding movement helps, but regulating the intake of calories is the key. You'll get the same results offered by Sono Bello- but you'll also decrease your chances of developing Type 2 Diabetes, Heart Disease, Fatty Liver Disease, multiple types of cancer, etc. Sono Bello doesn't offer any of that- just a quick, less painful, more expensive version of a crash diet. With the same (temporary) results.
Bottom Line: If Sono Bello was honest with its customers, it would offer a Buy Nine Get the 10th Free punchcard along with the first visit. Because these happy customers will be back. Again and again. Wasting money on a 100 percent unnecessary surgical procedure instead of putting in the hard work of simply changing their diet. It's sad, but I bet it's really popular. Magic Pill offers always are.
Right off the bat, I have to deal with two issues: First, that kid is too old to have her father in the dental office with her at all. The doctor's "what's with your dad?" probably didn't mean "why is your dad riding a horse" but rather "why is your dad in here instead of the waiting room? Are you the biggest five year old on the planet, or are the apron strings really that strong in your family?"
Second, one of the comments under this video reads "I don't think they should have squeezed a horse into a small space like that." Which leaves me very, very concerned that the guy who left that post believes that this is an actual dental office and not a prop-filled sound stage. Maybe he thinks that's a real dentist and patient, too. Again, I am very, very concerned.
But as to dad being "on his high horse," I have two more points to make: First, no one under the age of sixty uses the phrase "on his high horse." Maybe because not one in 10,000 Americans will never ride a horse, or knows what distinguishes a "high horse" from any other horse, or sees riding a horse as a status symbol (which is where the phrase comes from.) If you see someone riding a horse today, you either live in the country or in a city that uses mounted police officers. "Because he's driving his Lexus" would be a good update for a modern audience, but I guess the 80 year old writer of this ad doesn't see it that way.
Second, this balding, fat shlub managed to get himself married to someone who produced at least one child for him- a child who talks like an 18th-century villager but a child nonetheless. And despite being super-excited about getting "the best deal" on a phone can afford to own at least two very expensive, luxury pets (if he's "riding his high horse," he must have a lower horse he regularly rides, right? Otherwise it would just be "riding his horse.") Maybe that's why he's on his high horse?
I didn't start off telling myself that my mild rheumatoid arthritis was no big deal. I have a low tolerance for pain, and I'm too active to want to be slowed down by pain flares.
So I got several x-rays and two MRIs. I had sessions with three different physical therapy providers over the course of six years. I pretty much gave up white sugar when I connected its consumption with severe pain flares. And I went on Humira. And I stayed on Humira. For three years.
I don't think any of this worked; I think that my knee and hip pain has simply become more like the back pain I've experienced since being hit by a drunk driver in 2002- something that is Just There, a minor annoyance. It doesn't keep me from doing anything. Does it limit by ability to enjoy movement? I'm sure it does. But it doesn't stop me from participating in movement.
Would Rinvoq work for me? I don't know, because my insurance doesn't cover Rinvoq. It covered Humira. Which means it paid out tens of thousands of dollars on a twice-a-month injection that did nothing (I've been off it for more than a year now. No difference.) I'll probably never know if Rinvoq would work for me. Maybe there will be an affordable generic version that my insurance will cover in the future. We'll see.
*especially today, my 61st birthday. I feel pretty young today. Some days I feel very old. Pretty much depends on how sore I feel from one day to the next. But I watch my weight, take my cholesterol meds, and my doctor says I have the heart of a 25-year old** so I guess a few aches and pains are no big deal.
**I don't know how he found this out, and until the police get a search warrant, it can't be proven either way.
What is Sally willing to do for a few seconds of screentime and a few bucks as a "paid spokesperson?" Let us count the ways in which Sally is willing to sell her dignity.
For one, she's willing to use her place of employment as a backdrop for this nonsense. For another, she's willing to lie about "reading the clinical study" (what study? Where can we find this study?) and this convincing her to try Prevagen, because "reading the clinical study" sounds better than "was suckered in by a lame commercial."
She's also willing to give Prevagen credit for what she says is "sharper focus" and "better memory," when it would make as much sense to praise the stone in her shoe considering that there is actually no real evidence that this nonsense does anything at all and isn't just an expensive placebo.
Seems to me that the only real impact Prevagen has on its users is to make them more susceptible to offers to pitch Prevagen for cash. Maybe a future "clinical study" will reveal that Prevagen is a powerfully effective Dignity Removal Drug, or DRD, which is especially useful to anyone looking to pursue a career on Social Media?
Apparently, "Being Professional" means nothing more than "having a job" or even simply "being human."
Hey, guess what? I can do this without LinkedIn. Now, how do I go about convincing LinkedIn of this?
But from LinkedIn's point of view, "Being Professional" also means remaining tied to LinkedIn even if you aren't looking for a job or seeking help. It means getting endless Emails urging you to check out who is looking you up, what everyone else is doing, and in short using a "service" you don't really need and aren't at all interested in using because you're already employed, don't need the ads, or simply Have a Life. A life in which too much time is spent trying to Unsubscribe from LinkedIn.
Sorry, but I'm not interested in spending several minutes every day Congratulating people I haven't seen or heard from in years for their Anniversary at Their Latest Address That Pays Them. Call me distant, but I just don't care if someone I worked with, taught, or knew casually twenty years ago posted something about something that has nothing to do with me. I don't need LinkedIn cluttering my inbox with notices that this or that person has done this or that thing at this or that company. I'm simply. Not. Interested. Because I simply. Don't. Care.
But again- good luck Unsubscribing. It ain't happening. The Facebook of Capitalism will never let you go. So remember this person? They posted an update. Go check it out. NOW.
This guy has been offering very high-interest loans ("usury" is a slur and judgment call, not a legal term- at least, not on the federal level- and state usury laws are ridiculously generous to lenders and hard on borrowers. Pennsylvania and New Jersey define "usurious" rates at above THIRTY PERCENT. Nevada has NO LIMITS AT ALL on interest rates for personal loans) for more than a decade, and he's currently polluting the airwaves by claiming that people "better" know him as "The Godfather of Credit." Which is kind of telling when you remember that "The Godfather" is a term given to the patriarch of a massive criminal cartel.
Apparently, this guy has been offering desperate/stupid people barely-legal lines of credit in exchange for high interest payments, fees, etc. etc.- fans of Dickens will think The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Life Assurance Company in Martin Chuzzlewit. He's a Lender of Last Resort- when the customer doesn't have anything of value to pawn but still considers himself a budding Small Businessman who just Needs a Break.
The people who fall into this net will get less than they were promised (in exchange for up-front fees, no doubt) at a rate higher than they were offered over the phone (but not in writing.) Just like those "warranty companies" that cold-call, it's all about getting access to the CUSTOMER'S bank information or credit card. The promises made by the company? If they aren't in writing, they don't exist. It's why the common denominator for all of these "offers" is that you never get a contract until AFTER you've signed up. Because that's how business is done legitimately, right?
*to be fair, after twenty years as a subscriber, I hardly needed more evidence that Sirius/XM will provide advertising for any person or company willing to pay for advertising. Just off the top of my head, here is a list of "companies" I've heard advertised on Sirius/XM since 2004:
Blue Hippo (remember those super-cheap computers with FREE printers people paid $30 a week for but never actually received?
Ronnie Deutsch "Legal Services."
TaxMasters "Legal Services." I think that guy- who looked suspiciously like Ray Reynolds- ended up doing jail time.
Ox Car Care and I've Lost Count of How Many Other "Car Warranty Services."
Home Repair "Warranties."
California Psychics.
Any number of "Credit Repair" companies.
Any number of "Get out of your Time Share" offers.
An almost infinite number of "Skip out of your completely legitimate tax debt" offers.
Big Lou and any number of "Term Life Insurance" offers.
Prevagen and other non-medicines.
Headhunter and other payroll and HR "services" geared at convincing small business owners that they need help dealing with Awful Awful Regulation and Evil Evil Unions.
"Tribute Proofs" pretending to be coins.
"Start a Computer Career" non-offers to train people for non-jobs.
Etc. etc. etc. I suspect that more than half of the ads I hear on Sirius/XM are scams. Hurrah for Free Speech, right?
The most unintentionally funny part of the radio ads is when we hear a guy say "my mechanic recommended Ox Car Care." Why is this line so funny?
1. Why would a mechanic recommend any car warranty at all? Mechanics- like any other provider of services- like to deal directly with customers. Why would any recommend a middle man? Do mechanics LIKE additional paperwork? How is this better than getting handed a credit card by the customer to pay for the repair?
2. Why would a mechanic recommend OX CAR CARE? Do mechanics like having to go back to customers to say "sorry, that work I did for you will not be covered by this non-insurance insurance?" Do they LIKE having repaired cars sitting in their lot? Do they LIKE not getting paid for work done, unable to pay for parts and labor because a scammy warranty "service" and the customer keep insisting that the other is responsible? Now imagine being the mechanic who recommended Ox Car Care- how do you then turn around and insist that the customer pay for a repair that is not covered by the COMPANY YOU RECOMMENDED?
Oh wait, maybe you own a big lot and your real business is charging storage fees? Maybe this conspiracy is deeper than I thought?
Most of the commercials I review simply Shouldn't Be. Because they are dumb and don't actually "sell" anything. They just waste time and burn brain cells and make us all a little bit more stupid. Beyond that, they are pretty harmless.
What's different about these E*TRADE Baby Commercials is not only that they Shouldn't Be, but that they Shouldn't Be Legal. The children being digitally superimposed over CGI can't consent to the use of their images. They don't agree to being made laughing stocks for the economic benefit of their parents. They don't consent to have thoughts they don't have about a subject they can't comprehend be attributed to their images. In short, they are being exploited. I'm pretty sure that there's a word for this.
As to the glue-sniffers who enjoy this garbage; I have nothing for you but contempt. Get a life.
One shot a week,* plus diet and exercise, and you can lose 20 lbs. in six months.
One stone in the pot, plus water, vegetables, and a little meat, will make a great soup.
One rabbit's foot, plus careful planning and caution, will prevent accidents and bring "good luck."
I could go on. I don't think I have to.
*there's something in the small print about the "impact on humans" being "unknown." I'm assuming it's talked about the drug contained in the once-a-week injection, because the impact of diet and exercise on the body has been well-known for quite some time.
These people aren't afraid of the "F" word, and their hatred of the "F" word is misplaced.
What they fear and hate is the "R" word- Responsibility. Also the "O" word- Obligation.
They worship the "V" word- Victimhood. And the "D" word- Deflection.
These people think it's cruel and unfair that they are expected to live up to the terms of signed contracts d to pay a certain amount of money each month for a certain number of years, at the end of which they would own those big beautiful homes that they gladly moved into. They snap like starving bass at any company that will call them victims of "Predatory Lenders" because sure they were legal adults but that print was really really small and that house looked so nice and all they wanted was to live the American Dream plus they Deserve It Because Reasons.
Having proven themselves easily-manipulated victims of their own gullibility, the LoanMod Hotline looks like a super-attractive way of escaping the legal agreements they freely entered into as a way of keeping the houses they never could really afford.
Oh, and what is "something that they can afford?" It's another "R" word - "Rent"- that of course was not good enough for them because They Deserve Better, again Because Reasons.
The dystopian universe in which this unassuming donut shop exists includes a small business that is so successful in its sale of a 100 percent unnecessary, at least 90 percent unhealthy product that people are lined up around the block to purchase. A successful business that nonetheless has zero relationship with an actual bank and has to go to some sketchy online-only loan company to get some extra operating cash.
A business that is successful despite the fact that it appears to be operated by two total schmucks too cheap to even hire cashiers so they can tend to the more important operations. Yeah, the co-owners of the company are handling the transfer of goods to the public; sure, that's how it works. And interrupting the sales to apply for a loan. Because Brains and Time-Management Skills are not needed in this universe.
Except for the broken glass and possibly injured customers, its hard to see how OnDeck can beat the "Loan Falcon," which flies in to drop money without even getting a signature on a contract in return. If the money is right, I'll clean up the glass, and it really doesn't look like anyone got hurt, so no harm done in that regard- I'm picking Loan Falcon to drop free money on me. Heck, I'll take Loan Falcon over a legitimate BANK loan. Who wouldn't? Maybe these two idiots, because they are from the generation that thinks if it isn't provided through the tapping of a screen on a phone or at least a tablet, it's Your Grandfather's loan options and totally lame, yo.
...although, to the writer's credit, it was repeated at least once.
That word is "inaccurate," as in "inaccurate lines on your credit report can hurt your score" and "we can help remove inaccurate reports that damage your credit." This is the ONLY thing that "Credit Repair" companies can do that will help improve one's credit score.
The problem is that for the vast majority of people who are attracted to ads like this (I'm going to throw my guess of 99.99 percent,) their poor credit score has nothing to do with "errors" or "inaccuracies" and are instead completely justifiable by a fair audit of their finances and history of borrowing. In life, things happen- unexpected medical bills, loss of job, etc.- which can damage one's credit but should not be used to condemn the victims of these events. This does not however change the fact that the dings on the credit report created by these events are completely accurate and, more to the point, can't be smoothed over or erased by this or any other "Credit Repair" company.
Also- if there are false reports that are damaging your credit score, you can get them fixed yourself without hiring a "Credit Repair" company. So- if your credit is fixable, you can fix it yourself. If it's not fixable, no company can fix it. Bottom Line: there is no legitimate market for "Credit Repair" services.
But just as dopey rubes don't hear the word "proof" or "tribute" when watching pitches for medallions that look like 1883 silver coins or hear the word "covered repairs" when hearing pitches for crap non-auto warranties, I bet a lot of people don't hear the word "inaccurate" when watching this ad. We're good at not hearing what we don't want to hear. Just like we're good at pretending to have money we really don't have. We're funny like that. Funny, and Stupid.
As late as the Reagan Era, Hollywood could produce movies in which career women learn the error of their ways and come to appreciate the simple pleasures of Motherhood, giving up the rat race for raising a child and dating the local veterinarian who is also Sam Shepard. Ok then. So why is this film so eye-rollingly insulting to anyone paying attention?
1. Babies can be left to virtual strangers living on the other side of the planet through the simple use of a Last Will and Testament. Diane Keaton's character "inherits" a baby because she's the closest living relative and that's just the way it works so shut up and be glad that this only happens in movies and you don't really have to worry that your distant cousins whom you've never met have assigned children you also haven't met to you. It's not going to happen. I don't think.
2. Super-sharp "Tiger Lady" business woman buys a house totally unseen in a place she's never been and leaves the city to go live in that house without getting it inspected or securing any kind of warranty.
3. Turns out that she's moved into what I wanted to call a Hallmark Channel version of a Vermont town, except that this film predates the first version of the Hallmark Channel by six years. So instead, I'm going to call Baby Boom the inspiration for every Hallmark Channel Vermont Town. Drawling yokel locals, a veterinarian who is also the local doctor, idiot tourists buying everything that has Made In Vermont stamped on it- oh wait, that part is accurate...
4. Diane Keaton's character supposedly made big-time money in New York that allowed her to reside in a massive Manhattan apartment, but in a manner of months after moving to Vermont she's dead broke. How much did she pay for that house where a few thousand dollars in repairs leaves her destitute?
5. Remember how Diane Keaton's character was supposed to be a razor-sharp businesswoman who ran multiple ad campaigns at the same time in NYC? Well, maybe it's the weather or the lack of skyscrapers or something because when she decides she wants to try to sell boiled applesauce labeled "baby food" she goes to the local library to ask for all the material they have on consumer trends and baby boomers, exactly as if she were a single mom with absolutely zero experience in the business world. Why isn't she just putting her education to work? Why is she behaving like she has no idea how to sell a product when that was literally HER JOB back in NYC?
6. This character doesn't need information on consumerism or the spending habits of baby boomers. She needs information concerning health codes and why the Food and Drug Administration tends to frown on the mass production of food products in home kitchens, especially when those kitchens are in homes with unreliable water sources and holes in the roof. Child Protective Services might also be interested in a woman who takes a baby out on a rowboat with neither she nor the baby wearing lifejackets. The local Psych ward might also be interested in talking to her when they realize that she's regularly leaving her baby alone while she takes an obvious plastic doll out on the lake...
7. Ok, exactly how much time passes between this woman inheriting this baby, quitting her job, moving to Vermont, establishing a business, seeing that business become front-page news throughout the nation, and ultimately becoming SO successful that she's offered a ridiculously generous contract by her old employers? It SEEMS to take a while, since she arrives in Vermont in what looks like summertime, survives a winter, and later goes to a dance clearly set in autumn- but that baby doesn't seem to age a single day for the entire length of the film. She can't crawl or stand or talk when we first meet her and there's no evidence she can do any of those things at the end. So what is going on here? Why isn't this baby aging AT ALL? Did Diane Keaton quit her job in NYC on Monday, move to Vermont on Tuesday, break under the strain of modest home repair on Wednesday, start selling apple sauce on Thursday, hit the cover of The Wall Street Journal on Friday and get her huge offer back in NYC the next day? Should I just ignore what appears to be the passage of time presented in a montage and figure that in her case "Overnight Success" is a literal truth?
Siskel and Ebert, may they RIP, gave this film two thumbs-up. They found it funny and engaging and forgave the fact that it's dripping with twee throughout. So did I, when I first saw it. But my ability to suspend my sense of disbelief has faded with age, and there's too much here that is dumb, predictable and, yes, Contrived. Maybe the biggest problem with this film is that it's So Damn 80s I can't just turn my brain off and go with it anymore. I suggest that anyone who wants to revisit this schlock spend a week watching Christmas-themed Hallmark films first in order to smooth out your brain and prepare it for this particular package of predictable pablum.
I hear the radio commercials for Swish funding all the time on Sirius XM. They all involve a narrator blowing smoke up some small businessman's ass- "you are an entrepreneur, a trailblazer, one of the 30 million small business owners in the United States. You wake up every morning thinking about your cash flow, your employees, and your dreams" blah blah blah blah blah.
First of all, if there are 30 million small business owners in the United States, that means that approximately one in ten Americans (including children) are small business owners. In other words, you're nothing special, we could do just fine without the vast majority of you, get the hell over yourself.
Second, I suspect that the vast majority of these sacred small business owners are running businesses the rest of us could do just fine without and won't even notice the absence of when they go under, as most do within three years after first opening. They aren't "trailblazing" if they are providing the same services that existed before they opened up shop and will continue to exist long after they've come to the realization that they need to just go out and get a job.
Third, I suspect that the figure of 30 million "small business owners" MUST include Multi-Level Marketing grifters. They all call themselves "small business owners" and/or "CEOs" despite the fact that they actually exist within a pyramid of salespeople making money for the ACTUAL owner of the company. It's all about stroking that ego and convincing people with no skills and nothing more than a High School Diploma that they can become Boss Babes by playing with their phones and annoying everyone they've ever known with unsolicited "offers" through Facebook and Twitter.
Fourth, there's no shortage of money in the banks for people who have stable cash flow, pay their bills on time and (if they want a LOT of money) have some kind of security to put up in exchange for that cash. If you're dealing with Swish because you need thousands of dollars quickly, you've already failed as a Small Business Owner. You're borrowing money at a high interest rate because banks won't touch you. Ask why this is happening. The answer will hurt your ego, but it might save you some money. If I find out that your small business is being funded by Swish I'm going to assume that you don't know what you are doing, just like if I walk into your house and see that your TV and furniture has Rent-A-Center stickers on it I'm going to assume that you are living beyond your means and your credit is in the toilet.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If you want to call yourself a small businessman, that's fine, but there's no reason for me or anyone else to care about you or your dreams- we're the other 90 percent of Americans who have a stronger grasp of reality and are just going to work and don't need to pretend to be Important Trail-Blazing Entrepreneurs. And while we're at it, stuff "Small Business Saturday." You aren't entitled to my money at any time, no matter how much Swish tells you how Super Awesome and Important you are.
Think about it: An organization with about 2500 employees develops a nationwide reputation for being able to judge ("rate") businesses on a scale from A to F based on...what, exactly? Well, as I suspected all along- and has been proved through good old fashioned investigatory journalism- the ratings are based on how much money businesses are willing to shell out to get that coveted "A+" rating. And this method is so successful, that A+ rating is flaunted by the very worst car "warranty" companies, Tax "relief" services, Medicare-ish "insurance," etc. etc. etc. If Ox Car Care and Home Defender have A+ ratings despite literally thousands of complaints, class action lawsuits, and entire pages on RipoffReport.com exposing their deceptive garbage, who CAN'T get an A+ rating? Oh right- small companies who aren't willing or able to pay for it.
This pay-for-play scam used to be associated with big-city political machines, the Mafia, and corrupt cops. "You gotta nice business here....be a real shame if anything happened to it" being met with a fat envelope filled with cash representing a certain percentage of the proprietor's take for the week. Today it's much more subtle- sure, your business is doing ok, but how good is it going to do if your competitor has an A+ rating and yours doesn't? Even worse- what if your competitor has an A+ rating and yours is lower Because Reasons? This is a problem that can be handled with a sum of money- and all the Better Business Bureau knows about your company is that it paid up. That makes it worthy of that A+ rating.
All of this is why I call the BBB the biggest scam in advertising- "the Better Business gives us an A+ rating" has the same level of legitimacy as "you can trust me, I'm a good Christian" as far as I'm concerned. The biggest scam in advertising- and a Modern Protection Racket. The BBB won't break your legs, just your reputation with the buying public. Hey, it's up to you, but as I said before, sure'd be a shame if....
On my last day of my beach vacation, I got a notification from Uber One that my credit card had been "successfully" charged for an annual membership- $96. Thing is, I never signed up for Uber One and had no interest in doing so.
So today- my first full day back- I visited the Uber One site to find out how to cancel this "membership" which I guess is supposed to save someone who regularly uses Uber delivery fees and earn cash rewards or whatever, I seriously have used Uber for two rides total and I really can't describe any more clearly how totally uninterested I am in becoming a regular user. Well, the site brings you on an endless loop of directions on how to get rid of the membership and get a refund- apparently the App USED to have an End Membership button but they removed it because it was making it too easy to remove the membership. Uber One also makes it very clear that there is no contact number so you will not be able to talk to a human being about this issue or any other issue. Allegedly there's a chat available but it's so well-hidden that it might as well be non-existent.
Then I did what everyone does when they can't find an answer to their problem- I looked for a YouTube video explaining how to cancel a membership to Uber One. Unfortunately, the video I found was six months old and it showed how to navigate to the End Membership option which no longer exists (I only know that it once DID exist because of this video.)*
Finally, I went to the Uber One Facebook page, and surprisingly enough was able to contact Uber through it and cancel the membership and get a refund in about five minutes. I didn't get out without one more insult from Uber however- a note that said that the membership I never signed up for was being cancelled and my money returned "as a one-time courtesy"- in other words, the next time Uber decides to charge me for something I don't want and didn't ask for, I'm out of luck they are keeping the money go pound sand I guess. So I decided that I couldn't just get the refund- I had to freeze my credit card, order a new one, and delete the Uber App from my phone. I'd say "live and learn," but that would imply a level of responsibility I do not feel. So I'm not going there. More like "corporations will mug you if they think they can get away with it."
*I left this modest proposal in the comment section of this YouTube video: The CEOs of every company that sells a service with a membership fee, automatic reoccurring payments, etc. should be strapped to chairs, handed smartphones, and given the task of cancelling payments and providing refunds through their own sites. If they can't cancel a payment or request a refund through their own apps within five minutes, every minute thereafter should result in one month in prison. If it's not possible to do either of these tasks through their sites, they should serve a year in prison. If the site claims that it is possible but does not actually provide a way to do it, they should serve life sentences. That would fix problems like this quickly. Someone seeking high political office- Run with this. You've got my vote.
