That AT&T "Joyous Bundle of Three" Commercial is a War Crime

 

...and, to the surprise of absolutely no one, the comments are turned off.  I can only imagine how badly this disgusting thirty seconds of Awful was flamed before THAT happened.

"He loves that baby..." coos one of the morbidly obese "adults" in that hospital room.  I guess they can tell daddy loves the baby because he hasn't put his phone down to interact with it in any way, but instead is spending all of his time staring at a screen and talking about how he's "thinking about" bestowing gifts upon his extended family like he's a freaking Lord of the Manor or something.  I mean, listen to the language he's using.  Who talks like this?

"My pride and joy...." he muses, again as he continues to stare at his phone, which really does make me wonder what he's talking about.  Wait, is "his baby" that phone, or the infant the woman in the bed is holding?  I mean, I can see which is getting all of the attention here.  And now I'm thinking that the guy with the phone just came to the hospital to show off his awesome new tech (a "joyful bundle of three"- just kill me now) because he knew that's where his wife and parents would be for some reason- oh right, that baby.  

And his parents are delighted with the electronics, and think it's a perfectly appropriate time to be talking about an AT&T "bundle of three" because seriously how long can you stare at a newborn anyway?  How much connectivity does THAT thing provide?  Can you get an NFL streaming package on it?*  I think not.

*Or order Uber Eats?  I imagine it's been several minutes since these garbage bags with underused legs has consumed processed food.  

Some Hard Truth for the couple in this Kit Kat commercial

 

This is going to hurt, but it needs to be said, and please keep in mind that you both sound like you are still young and have time:  

You two have run out of things to talk about, and your time together has devolved into this....nonsense.  When you find yourselves talking about what part of a candy bar you like best, that's a sign that this is not going to work out.  Unless you both are dull as ditch water and find "conversations" like this endearing.  If that's the case, hold on tight and never let go, because your options out there are super-limited.  

Meanwhile, keep your voices down.  If anyone within earshot picks up this conversation, I give them permission to walk up and bat both of you upside the head.  Dullards.