Once Upon a Time....there was this trailblazing pioneer in television news. Her name was Barbara Walters. In an era when males all but monopolized a very limited medium, Walters managed to become a familiar face for television viewers throughout the United States-- no, make that throughout the world. For fifteen years she hosted The Today Show. Then, she cohosted and ultimately replaced the iconic Hugh Downs on 20/20. Finally came the ultimate honor- becoming a host of The ABC Nightly News. By the 1980s, Walters had really arrived- she was an honored professional taken seriously by both her peers in the journalism community and by the public. Now nearly eighty, she continues to draw good ratings with The View (I'm not a fan, but kudos to Ms. Walters for not being willing to just slip into the background.)
Which is why the commercial for her Sirius/XM Radio show, Barbara Live, is so damned depressing. Here Walters breathlessly tells us that we should tune in and listen to her interview "the most fascinating people in Hollywood and the Music Industry!" Examples? "The great Elton John. Michael Caine. And LIZA!!"
For my readers who are under the age of fifty or so, "LIZA!" is Liza Minelli, best known for being Judy Garland's daughter. She won an Academy Award for Best Actress in 1972 and then went on to star in several box-office flops. She had a decent stage career in the 1960s and 1970s, but by the mid-80s had more or less fallen off the radar screen. Elton John doesn't need any introduction, but more than a dozen years after that God-awful remake of Candle In The Wind (A God-Awful song in it's ORIGINAL form) does he really qualify as one of the music industry's "most fascinating people?" And Michael Caine--- seriously, Michael Caine??
Just for the record- Liza Minelli is 62 years old. Elton John is 63. Michael Caine is 75. I've got nothing against Seniors, but only Barbara Walters could think that these people represent the "most fascinating people" in Hollywood and the Music industry. At least she doesn't refer to them as "fresh young stars," which would REALLY date the host.
I'm looking forward to Walters' warning us not to miss future shows featuring Twiggy, Kate Jackson, and Lee Majors. I'd suggest that she perform a duet with Tiny Tim, except I'm pretty sure he's dead. I wonder if that disqualifies him from being on this show.
Seriously, Barbara- it's nice that you are still on tv and the radio (and you sure as hell don't look like you are going to be eighty in September,) but you are dating yourself with this nonsense. Still, I won't snark on you too harshly- at least you aren't hosting that Pet Psychic show or trying to sell me a Credit Card Counseling service. For that, I'm eternally grateful.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Do People STILL Fall for Extended-Warranty Scams??
A well-dressed guy is being given the bad news by his auto mechanic: "you'd better plan on leaving your car here for a few days, it needs a lot of work..."
Well-Dressed Guy (who has greasy geri curls and looks like he fell out off the set of "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka") replies "yeah yeah, no problem....."
Mechanic: "No really, we're talking at least $1900 for parts....and then there's the labor and taxes..."
Well-Dressed Guy, who is barely paying attention: "Whatever, whatever, uh huh..."
Mechanic: "You're going to have to rent a car..."
Well-Dressed Guy: "Hey, it's no problem, I got Mogi!" And he whips out a little green credit card. Ah, I get it! This guy went to Getmogi.com, bought an extended warranty for his car, and it's covered! He's right, there IS no problem!
Except, come on now. Well-Dressed Guy is suffering from a severe reality detachment if he really thinks that Mogi is going to cover thousands of dollars in damages to his car just because he happens to have an extended warranty with them. Extended warranties have ALWAYS been dicey propositions bordering on rip-offs-- they rarely if ever are worth the additional cost involved, either because the item being "covered" could be replaced for less than the premiums or because the most common repairs are conveniently left off the list of those covered. Extended car warranties are even bigger scams- since companies like Mogi know damn well what is likely to go wrong with automobiles when they reach a certain age or mileage level, they simply fail to include those in the warranty- something you find out ONLY when you need the work done on the car. Plus, extended warranties purchased along with the item usually accomplish nothing beyond jacking up the price of that item, providing no benefit to the consumer; I've lost count of how many times I've been "offered" an additional six months or a year of "service" (which usually involves sending the product through the mail to some factory, on my dime of course) on a vacuum or clock radio which adds maybe twenty percent or more to the price. It's almost always cheaper and more convenient just to chuck the thing and buy a new one when it breaks down beyond the manufacturer's warranty.
Check out these testimonials concerning automobile extended warranties:
http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/447/RipOff0447447.htm
http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/365/RipOff0365379.htm
You'll see that companies like Mogi are in business to scam people into shelling out their hard-earned money on worthless warranties. Of course, this should come as no surprise to anyone who has matured enough to realize that no insurance company is going to offer complete coverage for your 2001 KIA with 180,000 miles on it for a reasonable price. That won't stop Mogi and others from trying, however; I'm still getting monthly "warnings" from College Park Honda that the warranty has expired on my 2003 Honda Civic EX. Gotta give them an "A" for Effort, I guess.
Well-Dressed Guy (who has greasy geri curls and looks like he fell out off the set of "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka") replies "yeah yeah, no problem....."
Mechanic: "No really, we're talking at least $1900 for parts....and then there's the labor and taxes..."
Well-Dressed Guy, who is barely paying attention: "Whatever, whatever, uh huh..."
Mechanic: "You're going to have to rent a car..."
Well-Dressed Guy: "Hey, it's no problem, I got Mogi!" And he whips out a little green credit card. Ah, I get it! This guy went to Getmogi.com, bought an extended warranty for his car, and it's covered! He's right, there IS no problem!
Except, come on now. Well-Dressed Guy is suffering from a severe reality detachment if he really thinks that Mogi is going to cover thousands of dollars in damages to his car just because he happens to have an extended warranty with them. Extended warranties have ALWAYS been dicey propositions bordering on rip-offs-- they rarely if ever are worth the additional cost involved, either because the item being "covered" could be replaced for less than the premiums or because the most common repairs are conveniently left off the list of those covered. Extended car warranties are even bigger scams- since companies like Mogi know damn well what is likely to go wrong with automobiles when they reach a certain age or mileage level, they simply fail to include those in the warranty- something you find out ONLY when you need the work done on the car. Plus, extended warranties purchased along with the item usually accomplish nothing beyond jacking up the price of that item, providing no benefit to the consumer; I've lost count of how many times I've been "offered" an additional six months or a year of "service" (which usually involves sending the product through the mail to some factory, on my dime of course) on a vacuum or clock radio which adds maybe twenty percent or more to the price. It's almost always cheaper and more convenient just to chuck the thing and buy a new one when it breaks down beyond the manufacturer's warranty.
Check out these testimonials concerning automobile extended warranties:
http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/447/RipOff0447447.htm
http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/365/RipOff0365379.htm
You'll see that companies like Mogi are in business to scam people into shelling out their hard-earned money on worthless warranties. Of course, this should come as no surprise to anyone who has matured enough to realize that no insurance company is going to offer complete coverage for your 2001 KIA with 180,000 miles on it for a reasonable price. That won't stop Mogi and others from trying, however; I'm still getting monthly "warnings" from College Park Honda that the warranty has expired on my 2003 Honda Civic EX. Gotta give them an "A" for Effort, I guess.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
KGB: Because You STILL Aren't Using Your Cell Phone Often Enough!
A guy is standing in his yard, surrounded by friends and what looks to be some kind of physician doing an examination of his condition. The guy appears to be frozen.
"He's suffering from brainlock" announces the "physician."
"He was trying to remember who played first base for the Red Sox in 1986" a girl suggests helpfully.
Grooannn...stop right there. Of all the stupid things to get "brain freeze" on....as if anyone, ANYONE who knows ANYTHING about baseball could suffer "brain freeze" on the question "Who played first base for the Red Sox in 1986?" At LEAST the question could be "who was Bill Buckner's defensive substitute?" I can see missing THAT. But BUCKNER? Oh well....
"Physician:" "Buckner." And the guy unfreezes. Problem solved.
The commercial is for something called "KGB" (it's not just a brutal police force operated by a totalitarian Communist state anymore!") which offers to answer dumbass questions like this for you if you just use the cell phone you already have stapled to your palm to text it to 542542. Yes, there's a fee involved. Yes, if you just give yourself a couple of seconds or- hey, here's a concept- actually ASK A HUMAN BEING IN THE VICINITY, you can probably get the answer without texting or paying a fee. Yes, any answer available through KGB is also available through a 10-second Google search. But KGB gives you another excuse to whip out your cell phone and start developing that third layer of callouses on your thumbs!
And that's what drives me nuts about this commercial. It's not enough that "tweeting" went from rather silly non-activity to common practice adopted by CNN in about five minutes. It's not enough that we've been made to believe that if we don't have streaming video and XM radio and this "Ap" and that "Ap" with our phones, they are just paperweights that will leave us showing poorly to our friends. Now we are being told that any time we can't remember something, we should abandon the old-fashioned methods of thinking for a few minutes or asking someone (after all, the latter might start a CONVERSATION with a person who is ACTUALLY THERE- a conversation carried out without the use of cell phones, is such a thing stil possible??? Is it really conceivable that no one at this little lawn party knew the answer to this guy's "brain freeze" question?) and instead go right to our electronic security blankets. Because God Knows we don't ever, EVER want to debate or discuss ANYTHING with ANYONE, EVER, right?
Not to mention that in this economy, who WOULDN'T mind dropping a quick dollar or two every time it takes you more than a few seconds to remember something? After all, thinking makes my brain hurt. Not knowing is bad and wrong. Instant Gratification- that's where it's at!
So the next time you can't remember who won the Academy Award for Best Actor in 1988, for God's Sake do NOT ask someone in the same room. Do NOT give it any thought at all. Just text away- it's probably what you were doing anyway. And when you look up and you find yourself alone, breathe a sigh of relief that there's now no chance that your texting will be interrupted by one of those organic life forms you are forced to share the planet with.
"He's suffering from brainlock" announces the "physician."
"He was trying to remember who played first base for the Red Sox in 1986" a girl suggests helpfully.
Grooannn...stop right there. Of all the stupid things to get "brain freeze" on....as if anyone, ANYONE who knows ANYTHING about baseball could suffer "brain freeze" on the question "Who played first base for the Red Sox in 1986?" At LEAST the question could be "who was Bill Buckner's defensive substitute?" I can see missing THAT. But BUCKNER? Oh well....
"Physician:" "Buckner." And the guy unfreezes. Problem solved.
The commercial is for something called "KGB" (it's not just a brutal police force operated by a totalitarian Communist state anymore!") which offers to answer dumbass questions like this for you if you just use the cell phone you already have stapled to your palm to text it to 542542. Yes, there's a fee involved. Yes, if you just give yourself a couple of seconds or- hey, here's a concept- actually ASK A HUMAN BEING IN THE VICINITY, you can probably get the answer without texting or paying a fee. Yes, any answer available through KGB is also available through a 10-second Google search. But KGB gives you another excuse to whip out your cell phone and start developing that third layer of callouses on your thumbs!
And that's what drives me nuts about this commercial. It's not enough that "tweeting" went from rather silly non-activity to common practice adopted by CNN in about five minutes. It's not enough that we've been made to believe that if we don't have streaming video and XM radio and this "Ap" and that "Ap" with our phones, they are just paperweights that will leave us showing poorly to our friends. Now we are being told that any time we can't remember something, we should abandon the old-fashioned methods of thinking for a few minutes or asking someone (after all, the latter might start a CONVERSATION with a person who is ACTUALLY THERE- a conversation carried out without the use of cell phones, is such a thing stil possible??? Is it really conceivable that no one at this little lawn party knew the answer to this guy's "brain freeze" question?) and instead go right to our electronic security blankets. Because God Knows we don't ever, EVER want to debate or discuss ANYTHING with ANYONE, EVER, right?
Not to mention that in this economy, who WOULDN'T mind dropping a quick dollar or two every time it takes you more than a few seconds to remember something? After all, thinking makes my brain hurt. Not knowing is bad and wrong. Instant Gratification- that's where it's at!
So the next time you can't remember who won the Academy Award for Best Actor in 1988, for God's Sake do NOT ask someone in the same room. Do NOT give it any thought at all. Just text away- it's probably what you were doing anyway. And when you look up and you find yourself alone, breathe a sigh of relief that there's now no chance that your texting will be interrupted by one of those organic life forms you are forced to share the planet with.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
The Continuing Adventures of AT&T Boy and Harpy Jellyfish-Spine Mom
The voice from the back seat simpers "hey mom, I need some more minutes." Naturally, he's holding his cell phone, which I think are now being surgically connected to the palms of anyone under the age of 30, for a small fee. For convenience.
Harried, clearly on-the-brink-of-a-nervous-breakdown-if-this-kid-pushes-just-one-more-button mom spins like Linda Blair in The Exorcist and snaps "What? I just gave you some back at the restaurant!"
"Uh....no, those were old. I threw them away."
Well, we know the rest, don't we? A tape recorder in mom's head goes off, and she proceeds to give the same speech she's given in at least three other commercials about how the "old minutes" (still represented by little plastic clocks) are just as good as "new minutes," and how other people (starving children in China, perhaps?) would consider themselves lucky to have the old minutes....only this time, Worthless, Apparently Stoned Ungrateful Choad Son interrupts by parotting "Saving Minutes Saves Money, I know."
Mom glares at son. Stoned son stares blankly at mom. Mom stares at son. Stoned son stares blankly at mom. Mom stares at son- and actually appears on the verge of bursting out laughing- maybe these commercials are getting to this actress, who is on the verge of being typecast. Stoned son stares blankly at mom.
All this while, Younger Son does nothing but give a sympathetic glance at his older brother- might as well say "Oh Christ, here goes mom being a total bitch about her minutes, again. God she's lame!" And Unseen Dad, presumably driving the car, says nothing- which means he's as helpful in dealing with this ongoing problem as he is in all the other commercials.
Will someone PLEASE get SNL to do a parody of this commercial? Because I really need to see this woman take that fucking cell phone out of the kid's hand and toss it out the goddamn window. Or, failing that, order Unseen Dad to turn the fucking car around and go back to the restaurant, so mom can drag her Stoned Son into the manager's office and ask him to put Stoned Son to work washing dishes- because, you see, Stoned Son needs more minutes and thinks money grows on fucking trees.
Seriously, I've had more than enough of the Battle of Wills between an Alleged Head of the Family and her Asshole Son who can't stay within the confines of the Family Plan. And the truly pathetic thing is, AT&T's "solution" is to just sign up for their Unlimited Plan, so your worthless slacker kids can Tweet and Twitter and Roam and Surf and Text and Gab their fricking fingers off without annoying you with their presence, or a big bill.
AT&T continues to hate people, and I continue to hate AT&T. ESPECIALLY these commercials.
Harried, clearly on-the-brink-of-a-nervous-breakdown-if-this-kid-pushes-just-one-more-button mom spins like Linda Blair in The Exorcist and snaps "What? I just gave you some back at the restaurant!"
"Uh....no, those were old. I threw them away."
Well, we know the rest, don't we? A tape recorder in mom's head goes off, and she proceeds to give the same speech she's given in at least three other commercials about how the "old minutes" (still represented by little plastic clocks) are just as good as "new minutes," and how other people (starving children in China, perhaps?) would consider themselves lucky to have the old minutes....only this time, Worthless, Apparently Stoned Ungrateful Choad Son interrupts by parotting "Saving Minutes Saves Money, I know."
Mom glares at son. Stoned son stares blankly at mom. Mom stares at son. Stoned son stares blankly at mom. Mom stares at son- and actually appears on the verge of bursting out laughing- maybe these commercials are getting to this actress, who is on the verge of being typecast. Stoned son stares blankly at mom.
All this while, Younger Son does nothing but give a sympathetic glance at his older brother- might as well say "Oh Christ, here goes mom being a total bitch about her minutes, again. God she's lame!" And Unseen Dad, presumably driving the car, says nothing- which means he's as helpful in dealing with this ongoing problem as he is in all the other commercials.
Will someone PLEASE get SNL to do a parody of this commercial? Because I really need to see this woman take that fucking cell phone out of the kid's hand and toss it out the goddamn window. Or, failing that, order Unseen Dad to turn the fucking car around and go back to the restaurant, so mom can drag her Stoned Son into the manager's office and ask him to put Stoned Son to work washing dishes- because, you see, Stoned Son needs more minutes and thinks money grows on fucking trees.
Seriously, I've had more than enough of the Battle of Wills between an Alleged Head of the Family and her Asshole Son who can't stay within the confines of the Family Plan. And the truly pathetic thing is, AT&T's "solution" is to just sign up for their Unlimited Plan, so your worthless slacker kids can Tweet and Twitter and Roam and Surf and Text and Gab their fricking fingers off without annoying you with their presence, or a big bill.
AT&T continues to hate people, and I continue to hate AT&T. ESPECIALLY these commercials.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
From Drug Addict to Thoughtless Ditz, thanks to Advil
The woman who is the only character in this commercial is standing in the medicine aisle, filling her basket with one box after another of Tylenol. I think she ends up with about eight boxes of the stuff in there, before the disembodied voice so popular in ads like this intones "you can get the same relief from one Advil (All Day Long, All Day Strong) as with EIGHT Tylenol...."
She then proceeds to do something that would probably not set me off if I had not spent four years working at a Wegman's Grocery Store: she puts her basket, still filled with boxes of Tylenol, right down on the floor, and walks away, carrying her one bottle of Advil.
I know people like this woman, and worse. I worked in the Dairy Department at a Wegman's in Cheektowaga, New York back in the early-90s. I saw seniors open 1-lb boxes of butter so they could remove one quarter- even if there were already boxes open from the last band of marauding "I buy butter one stick at a time" old farts to pass by. I saw people open cartons of eggs, find one broken one among the dozen, and then carefully close the cartons and put them back right where they found them- so the next customer could find the broken eggs, I guess. I saw drooling hick morons take gallons of milk off the shelf, decide they didn't want them, and leave them on the floor to spoil (or WORSE- attempt to put them back on another shelf, causing a gallon already sitting there to fall backwards into the refrigerated stocking area, creating a huge puddle for John in Dairy to clean up.) I saw worthless Please Die In a Horrible Accident on the Way Back to the Trailer Park bottom-feeders prove utterly incapable of taking a container of yogurt off the shelf without spilling two onto the cooling grate at their feet.
And I saw many, many, MANY clueless, indecisive, ADD-addled morons move through the store, picking items off of one shelf and dropping them on a random shelf with each mood swing.
Look, I get that stores these days are big, scary, complicated things. I understand that the choices offered are enormous and bewildering, especially for people with IQs roughly equalling that of brain-damaged lemmings. Sometimes, people think they want to buy something, change their minds, and just don't have the time or energy to go ALL THE WAY back to the correct aisle to return it. But GOD DAMN IT, this woman is STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO THE SHELF. Is it really too much to ask that she PUT THE MEDICINE BACK and RETURN HER BASKET TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE??
Ok-- I'm calmed down now. I'll just leave you with three additional thoughts which ran through my head while suffering Wegman's flashbacks:
1. Is the woman in this commercial stocking medicine for a bomb shelter? Before she realized that 1 Advil = 8 Tylenol, was she really planning to buy what looks to be two decades' worth of pain medication?
2. If this woman really needs to take this much medication, shouldn't she, maybe, check with her doctor?
3. If I was the cashier at a grocery store and this woman plopped down eight boxes of Tylenol, I'd call a manager. I don't know what powerful hallucinogens can be extracted from large amounts of Tylenol, but I'd be convinced she had some form of meth lab off the basement rec room. Or in the bomb shelter.
She then proceeds to do something that would probably not set me off if I had not spent four years working at a Wegman's Grocery Store: she puts her basket, still filled with boxes of Tylenol, right down on the floor, and walks away, carrying her one bottle of Advil.
I know people like this woman, and worse. I worked in the Dairy Department at a Wegman's in Cheektowaga, New York back in the early-90s. I saw seniors open 1-lb boxes of butter so they could remove one quarter- even if there were already boxes open from the last band of marauding "I buy butter one stick at a time" old farts to pass by. I saw people open cartons of eggs, find one broken one among the dozen, and then carefully close the cartons and put them back right where they found them- so the next customer could find the broken eggs, I guess. I saw drooling hick morons take gallons of milk off the shelf, decide they didn't want them, and leave them on the floor to spoil (or WORSE- attempt to put them back on another shelf, causing a gallon already sitting there to fall backwards into the refrigerated stocking area, creating a huge puddle for John in Dairy to clean up.) I saw worthless Please Die In a Horrible Accident on the Way Back to the Trailer Park bottom-feeders prove utterly incapable of taking a container of yogurt off the shelf without spilling two onto the cooling grate at their feet.
And I saw many, many, MANY clueless, indecisive, ADD-addled morons move through the store, picking items off of one shelf and dropping them on a random shelf with each mood swing.
Look, I get that stores these days are big, scary, complicated things. I understand that the choices offered are enormous and bewildering, especially for people with IQs roughly equalling that of brain-damaged lemmings. Sometimes, people think they want to buy something, change their minds, and just don't have the time or energy to go ALL THE WAY back to the correct aisle to return it. But GOD DAMN IT, this woman is STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO THE SHELF. Is it really too much to ask that she PUT THE MEDICINE BACK and RETURN HER BASKET TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE??
Ok-- I'm calmed down now. I'll just leave you with three additional thoughts which ran through my head while suffering Wegman's flashbacks:
1. Is the woman in this commercial stocking medicine for a bomb shelter? Before she realized that 1 Advil = 8 Tylenol, was she really planning to buy what looks to be two decades' worth of pain medication?
2. If this woman really needs to take this much medication, shouldn't she, maybe, check with her doctor?
3. If I was the cashier at a grocery store and this woman plopped down eight boxes of Tylenol, I'd call a manager. I don't know what powerful hallucinogens can be extracted from large amounts of Tylenol, but I'd be convinced she had some form of meth lab off the basement rec room. Or in the bomb shelter.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Oedipal--err, Olive Garden's Creepy Storyline
I don't know where Olive Garden is going with it's Mom Wants To Know About Son's Girlfriend commercials. I'm sure I don't want to. Because first, judging from the age of the kid (maybe sixteen,) it's not going to end with a "we're engaged!" announcement (and what if it did? Why should we care?) And second, this woman is just way too wrapped up in her son's life- seriously, she and her husband must being going through some serious issues.
In the first commercial, mom tells us "when my husband works late, I like to take my son out to Olive Garden." I suppose Freud would have a field day just with this statement- but it's the mom's body language that disturbs me- she's curled up on the couch, right next to her son, knees up against her chin, wearing this stupid smile as she minces "and maybe I can find out about his new girlfriend!" Ugh. And as if that's not bad enough, throughout this commercial- and the second one- she's constantly tugging at her kid's clothes, picking at him, brushing his hair back, stroking his ear- good lord woman, what is WRONG with you? BOUNDARIES!!
In the second commercial, mom has successfully maneuvered her teen-aged son (who, btw, is the oldest of the preteen "heroes" from the film Unaccompanied Minors. Hey, there was nothing else on) into a booth at Olive Garden. Surprise surprise, she's sitting right next to her son (practically on his lap) and is constantly leaning toward him, touching his shoulder, and otherwise violating his personal space. And always with that same stupid "count my teeth" grin on her face.
"So, is it serious?" she asks her boy. "Yeah!" He responds, holding up his fork. "This is SERIOUSLY good!" Naturally, this evokes a chuckle and yet another lunge by mom.
The way this "storyline" is progressing, I suspect that the next episode will feature the mom tucking in her son and smoothing his hair back before giving him a kiss on the forehead (if we're lucky- hell, it wouldn't shock me to see this woman crawl into bed with the kid) before heading off to lay out his clothes for the morning. The weird vibes these commercials set off- who thinks this is cute?- make me nostalgic for another "we had an amazing time doing something really stupid" Smirnoff's ad. They sure don't make me hungry for cheap, faux-"Italian" food.
And I thought that the Taster's Choice Soap Opera of the 1980s was lame. At least that involved a romance developing between two unrelated adults. These commercials are just disturbing. I don't want to see some middle-aged mom trying to live vicariously through her 16-year old son, thanks anyway, Olive Garden. Please go back to pushing the Endless Spaghetti and Bread Sticks angle. Those commercials didn't convince me to go to Olive Garden either, but at least they didn't creep me out.
In the first commercial, mom tells us "when my husband works late, I like to take my son out to Olive Garden." I suppose Freud would have a field day just with this statement- but it's the mom's body language that disturbs me- she's curled up on the couch, right next to her son, knees up against her chin, wearing this stupid smile as she minces "and maybe I can find out about his new girlfriend!" Ugh. And as if that's not bad enough, throughout this commercial- and the second one- she's constantly tugging at her kid's clothes, picking at him, brushing his hair back, stroking his ear- good lord woman, what is WRONG with you? BOUNDARIES!!
In the second commercial, mom has successfully maneuvered her teen-aged son (who, btw, is the oldest of the preteen "heroes" from the film Unaccompanied Minors. Hey, there was nothing else on) into a booth at Olive Garden. Surprise surprise, she's sitting right next to her son (practically on his lap) and is constantly leaning toward him, touching his shoulder, and otherwise violating his personal space. And always with that same stupid "count my teeth" grin on her face.
"So, is it serious?" she asks her boy. "Yeah!" He responds, holding up his fork. "This is SERIOUSLY good!" Naturally, this evokes a chuckle and yet another lunge by mom.
The way this "storyline" is progressing, I suspect that the next episode will feature the mom tucking in her son and smoothing his hair back before giving him a kiss on the forehead (if we're lucky- hell, it wouldn't shock me to see this woman crawl into bed with the kid) before heading off to lay out his clothes for the morning. The weird vibes these commercials set off- who thinks this is cute?- make me nostalgic for another "we had an amazing time doing something really stupid" Smirnoff's ad. They sure don't make me hungry for cheap, faux-"Italian" food.
And I thought that the Taster's Choice Soap Opera of the 1980s was lame. At least that involved a romance developing between two unrelated adults. These commercials are just disturbing. I don't want to see some middle-aged mom trying to live vicariously through her 16-year old son, thanks anyway, Olive Garden. Please go back to pushing the Endless Spaghetti and Bread Sticks angle. Those commercials didn't convince me to go to Olive Garden either, but at least they didn't creep me out.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A Match Made in Heaven- Just Don't Lend these People Money
"My fiancee and I were shopping for her engagement ring. We picked out the perfect one- but then my credit card was rejected because I was over my limit. I was so humiliated!"
What happened next? Well, let's see...Once Upon a Time, I was engaged to a beautiful, smart, and above all financially sensible young woman. We went shopping for engagement rings, figuring out exactly how much we wanted to spend, because after all, very soon our financial fortunes would be intertwined and our credit rating would depend on how responsible we were with money. Buying a piece of rock wasn't our top priority. Surely, we can say the same for the couple in the American Express Ad, right?
Wrong. "My fiancee suggested that I get the American Express Card, which has No Pre-Set Credit Limit." Oh, SUPER IDEA!! Because clearly, the best way to deal with being maxed out on your credit cards is to get a credit card that can't be maxed out!!
And his FIANCEE suggests this- so she can get the engagement ring of her dreams, of course. Having let her husband-to-be know what her priorities are, it's not hard to imagine their future together, when they decide to splurge on all sorts of wonderful and "necessary" items because after all, there's no risk of being stopped short by an annoying credit limit. These two are made for each other- a guy who can't keep his spending within his means, and a girl whose "solution" is to make sure he keeps spending regardless of cost. Lovely.
If I had been maxed out on my credit card, my fiancee would not have suggested another one. She would have suggested- strongly- that I get my finances in order before we proceed with the wedding plans. Because she wasn't a selfish dunce living in the moment, like the dope in this commercial and her clueless partner-in-debt-to be.
What happened next? Well, let's see...Once Upon a Time, I was engaged to a beautiful, smart, and above all financially sensible young woman. We went shopping for engagement rings, figuring out exactly how much we wanted to spend, because after all, very soon our financial fortunes would be intertwined and our credit rating would depend on how responsible we were with money. Buying a piece of rock wasn't our top priority. Surely, we can say the same for the couple in the American Express Ad, right?
Wrong. "My fiancee suggested that I get the American Express Card, which has No Pre-Set Credit Limit." Oh, SUPER IDEA!! Because clearly, the best way to deal with being maxed out on your credit cards is to get a credit card that can't be maxed out!!
And his FIANCEE suggests this- so she can get the engagement ring of her dreams, of course. Having let her husband-to-be know what her priorities are, it's not hard to imagine their future together, when they decide to splurge on all sorts of wonderful and "necessary" items because after all, there's no risk of being stopped short by an annoying credit limit. These two are made for each other- a guy who can't keep his spending within his means, and a girl whose "solution" is to make sure he keeps spending regardless of cost. Lovely.
If I had been maxed out on my credit card, my fiancee would not have suggested another one. She would have suggested- strongly- that I get my finances in order before we proceed with the wedding plans. Because she wasn't a selfish dunce living in the moment, like the dope in this commercial and her clueless partner-in-debt-to be.
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