Taco Bell's Hashtag Obesity Campaign

Hash Browns/Hashtag.  Get it?  Me too.  Don't think it's funny? Me neither.

Nor do I think that old geezers bitching endlessly about the greasy crud people are eating is funny either.  In fact, I've never thought that old geezers being portrayed as comic foils in commercials or sitcoms is funny.  Not ever.  Not even once.

And I sure don't think that this hash browns inside a bacon and cheese taco breakfast sandwich thing is a good idea AT ALL.  And it's not because I'm an old geezer.  I'm not.  It's because we are already the fattest nation that has ever existed, on a planet in which half the population goes to bed hungry every night, and we seem obsessed with finding new ways to kill ourselves with our food instead of oh, I don't know, eating less and eating sensibly.

If this is the "next generation of breakfast," it's more and more likely we've seen the last generation of healthy Americans, as refusing to eat oneself to death seems to have gone out of style.  Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.

DirecTV ramps up the Sexism. Anyone want to defend this?

Maybe someone over at DirecTV reads my blog?  Or (more likely) someone over there noticed the YouTube comments?

  Either way- maybe someone who gave the thumbs-up to this ridiculous, disgusting, insulting ad campaign saw that there are actually a few people who DON'T find it a blatantly sexist farce and figured "ok, let's see if it's possible to get EVERYONE angry."

Because there's got to be a reason for this ad, which features a deeply insecure puppet-wife stripping and dancing for her guy and begging for affirmation.  "Am I pretty?  How about if I dance like this?  How about now?"  Ugh.

And the guy just sitting on the bed isn't just dealing with his partner's desperation.  He's enjoying it.  Please.

Come on, DirecTV.  You aren't pushing the envelope anymore.  You have decided that grossing out your audience is better than being ignored by it, and that you'd rather have us hate your company than be indifferent to it.  Mission Accomplished.

Anyone out there STILL think these are just innocent, goofy little nuggets of inoffensive dumb?  Because I'm sure they can get worse.  And I'm sure they will.  Just keep defending this crap.  Just keep telling me to "lighten up," or explain how DirecTV is advertised exclusively to men (and of course all men just love ads which objectify women as sex toys.)  Go ahead, tell me this is "just a commercial" and I need to get a life.  Because I'm pretty sure DirecTV isn't going to stop serving up this increasingly bizarre garbage until the most chauvinistic cretins out there finally respond with "oh wait-- that's a bit over the top, even for me."

It was only a matter of time before Friskies brought us this

It's LSD for cats.

And it's official.  This is the end of the world.  In my opinion, it was overrated, and it won't be missed.

When you spread your "joy," could you keep the f--k out of my neighborhood?

Um, seriously, Nissan?

I have often accused commercial producers of living in some weird fantasy world in which they think people really, really enjoy watching others be total douchnozzles, or at least shrug off the douchnozzlery of society with a shrug, a nod and a "whaddayagonnado?"  But Nissan has really taken it up a notch with this one.

According to this ad, what really makes us happy is listening to other people's taste in music, blaring out of their awesome Bose sound systems installed in their even more awesome Japanese imports.  When we hear it, we smile and give a big thumbs-up because hey, we weren't doing anything like reading or listening to our own music or just thinking and taking in the world.  We were just waiting for someone to come along with speakers big and powerful enough to let us know exactly what someone else likes to listen to, because we all have exactly the same taste in music.*

I know we all have exactly the same taste in music because I ride the DC Metrorail system pretty much every day, and if we didn't all have exactly the same taste in music the very thoughtful dicktards sharing the subway with me wouldn't be so kind as to use earbuds which allow their- umm-- "music" to carry throughout the car.  They'd figure "hey, I want to listen to my sound, but I don't know if anyone else wants to, so I'd better wear actual headphones or turn down my volume."  Thank goodness we all love the same music, huh?

So Nissan has this exactly right, don't they?  We all get a kick of suddenly being jarred by the dulcet tones of heavy bass, or crap '60s music, or whatever, be it at 2 PM or 2 AM, coming past our cars or our homes- doesn't matter, it's great because like I said, we all have the same taste in music and it's all about sharing.  Right?

So why do I hope that the people who made this commercial spent an eternity in a very special hell in which massive car speakers are forever blaring Mony Mony** or something that doesn't have lyrics but is just the rhythmic pounding bass which is mysteriously popular in every suburb in the United States, especially between 1 and 4 AM, when we would probably be deprived of it if not for the very thoughtful people who are kind enough to roll through our neighborhoods with their windows down?  Must be something wrong with me.

*Let's cut to the chase.  People who blare music from leaky earphones or car stereo systems are sociopaths, pure and simple.   They aren't clueless.  They know exactly what they are doing, and they simply don't give a flying damn if they are bothering anyone- in fact, I suspect that bothering people is precisely their goal.   I don't know what caused them to be such bitter, angry dicktards, and I frankly don't really care.  I just hope that there is an afterlife worthy of their deeds waiting for them.

**which eight-year old kids on a school bus are somehow familiar with.  Uh-huh.  WTF-ever, Nissan.

And if you take this poser seriously, I've got plenty to sell you, too

I'm not sure exactly when Al Sharpton graduated from race-baiting bullshit artist stirring up hatred on the streets of New York City by throwing false accusations around like they were candy to "respected voice of Civil Rights" on MSNBC, but I can tell you he did absolutely nothing to earn this promotion- unless you count getting a steady 1 percent of the vote in Democratic primaries for President.  Oh, and being a total 100 percent loyal suck-up to the Corpo-Democratic Party.

These days, MSNBC is running commercials in which Reverend Al brays cliche'd phrases about Civil Rights interspersed with images of a real, actual rights leader, Dr Martin Luther King Jr.  Apparently, Sharpton is to be taken seriously on the issue of Civil Rights because.....umm, well, because....he's black?  Sharpton kind of forgets to tell us that he when he wasn't way, way, WAY in the background of the Civil Rights movement he was acting as an informer for the FBI- I guess that would damage "fight the establishment" narrative just a little bit.  And don't ever, EVER mention Tawana Brawley- never mind that if it had not been for that mild case of outright slander and thuggery, we never would have even HEARD of this disgusting rodent in an expensive suit.

I'm a pretty big fan of MSNBC most of the time- but do my very best to avoid Sharpton's incredibly undeserved hour, Politics Nation.  Sometimes I don't hit the button on my XM/Sirius radio quite fast enough, and get an earful of this jagoff screaming GOOD EVENING ED (anyone who listens to Sharpton- hey, whatever floats your boat- knows that the man long ago decided that YELLING INSTEAD OF TALKING is what mental midgets do to try to convince the audience that there's substance behind the BS. I think Sharpton's theory is Volume=Sincerity, or something.)   I probably agree with every single conviction he claims to have because MSNBC is cutting him a check, but I absolutely cannot stand this sack of garbage, and it really adds insult to injury when he attempts to lecture me on honesty, integrity or rights.  It's almost as bad as listening to Joe Scarborough tell me that the Koch Brothers are at heart just good Americans exercising their freedom of speech.  Almost.

We really feel for you, buddy.

Ed Schultz started with a radio show back in 2004.  Then he was given an MSNBC show on weeknights but kept his radio show.  Then he moved to a weekends-only MSNBC show but kept his radio show.  Then he came back to a nightly MSNBC show but kept his radio show.  And how he's giving up his radio show, but keeping his MSNBC show.   I guess he got over his "I need two shows" complaint.

BTW, while I like Ed, I wish the people who want him to read their tweets on the air weren't such butt-kissing brown-nosers.  Asking Ed "are you going to go fishing this weekend?" or "what's your favorite food to grill?" will get your question answered on the air, which I guess is all you want, but your pathetic need to be a shameless bootlicker makes me, a fellow human being, deeply ashamed of you.  "Big Eddie" might be a good progressive, but he's also a guy who in the past has bitched about not being able to get a business class ticket to North Dakota for less than $3900 (that's not a typo) and how he really wants to fish the Kamchatka Peninsula someday (and certainly will.)  Yeah, he's all Middle Class and Just One of Us.  Sure he is.

But whatever you think of Ed, please, save a little of your dignity and stop asking him stupid questions that have nothing to do with anything except feeding his infinite desire to talk about himself.  Or just ask him if he's hiring toadies.  You choads are more than qualified.

Next year, tablets and cell phones will be curved too. Just watch. It is simply who we are.

Yes, Doc, I know what this means.  It means that once again, we are being told that our perfectly good television sets- which were yesterday's Must Buy, is now a lame-ass, flat piece of crap and our lives are basically over unless we toss them to the curb and bust through our credit card limits to buy this new Technology That Makes Life Worth Living.

To the owners of Dr. Carl Sagan's image- there are no words to describe the contempt I have for you.  When Dr. Sagan was discussing new inventions and technology and the renaissance-to-come, he was NOT referring to another excuse to obsess over the fucking idiot box as our ticket to a stationary, obese lifestyle.

To all of the other actors who whored or where whored out for this dreck- well, I know that these are just random movie clips, none of which actually show you having an orgasm over a new television set (unlike the slack-jawed losers seen drooling over their new toy- I have no words to describe the contempt I have for them, either.)  Still, I hope you feel a little bit of shame to be associated with this horror.

And to all the morons who bought into the I Must Have This Right Now message ten seconds in, well- if TV is your life, I guess this is pretty cool.  And if TV is your life, well, I think I've written enough about undefinable contempt for one post.  Enjoy your- um- existence- with your new, awesome, curvy idiot box, oatmeal-for-brains.