Oscar Mayer doesn't take pollution very seriously

Just one question- does it come with it's own designated landfill?

Twenty-five years ago I was stacking "Lunchables," Oscar Mayer's 90s version of it's Very Little Food Surrounded by a Lot of Plastic, at a Wegman's in upstate New York.  "Lunchables" at that time consisted of about eight crackers, eight slices of pre-sliced cheese, and a square of pressed ham you'd expect to see being dished out in some dystopia/crapsack world movie like "Divergent."

As it turns out, Oscar Mayer wasn't kidding- they don't like "fads" over there.  Here's the proof- Snackables for "adults" who have no more economic sense or social conscience than their parents did back in the 90s.  A handful (almost) of nuts, an ounce or two of cheese, and "meat" (not even named in this commercial- just to be safe, I guess- and because it's spoken you can't see the quotation marks around the word "meat.....")  I can totally see 5-6 of these providing a nice energy burst for the truly active guy.  Oh, and with a super-hip name: P3.  I guess that's "Protein 3," for the three ingredients- except it leaves out the Fat, Salt, and Preservatives that make up most of what's in the package.

And speaking of the package- again, the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Here's about six ounces of food wrapped in eight ounces of plastic that will still exist when the sun goes supernova.  Thanks, Oscar Mayer.  Twenty-five years later, you're still part of the problem.

(Oh, and BTW- smug doofus eating this junk? You'd be far better off doing any of those "stupid" things you are sneering at, including guzzling that protein drink, than popping that fatty, salty junk.  And you'd be doing the world a favor, too.  Not that you look like you're in to that kind of thing.)

Quick Message to Taco Bell

Proving that you can make a commercial as vapid and just plain dumb as any McDonald's ad doesn't make me want to eat your grease-infused, calorie-dense yet nutrient-deficient junk any more than I want to eat the lard-based crap being served up by McDonald's, ok?

In one version of this ad which I could not find, the group is asked "why do you get  burritos at Taco Bell" or something like that.  There's a long pause, until the Oldest and Widest Amongst Them quips "you don't go to a burger place to get sushi."  His fellow losers are so impressed by this example of Old Guy Wit that they break into laughter.  No kidding. Find the ad.  See for yourself.

(Personally, if I want Actual Mexican Food, I don't go NEAR Taco Bell.  My guess is that quip wouldn't make it into the final commercial.)

Now you can tell these attention-starved losers who were cursed with unfortunate names by their parents to go home and live down their appearance in this god-awful commercial.  We're done.

An Open Letter to Wendy's

The ad campaign with this woman really, really needs to be over now.  Because you didn't just jump the shark with this crap- you jumped it, turned the boat around, and jumped it again, practically daring us to toss bricks (or pretzel-roll burgers, whichever is less edible) through our TV screens.

Flo and Jan are bad enough, but at least they have the excuse of actually working for the companies they are forever praising to the heavens.  The Wendy's girl doesn't work at Wendy's.  There's no reason for her obsession with the company or it's food.  I didn't want to see her eating every single meal at Wendy's.  I sure as hell don't want to see her singing about the place- let alone singing a freaking love song to a particular sandwich.  I'm sure this is supposed to be kind of funny.  It's not.

Let's move on, Wendy's.  This woman is not getting her own sitcom.  She's had lots of exposure and the networks have responded with a collective yawn.  This blogger is also responding with a yawn- and an "enough, already."  Jeesh, I don't think the Aflac Duck is as Played as this horrible woman is.

Let her go.  Flo and Jan will be along in the very near future, god willing.  But this chick needs to be shown the exit.  Now.

The little frosted mini wheat guy is the most believable part of this ad

Yeah, thank goodness you eat your frosted mini wheats, lady- it allows you to get all the complicated coffee orders from the over-indulged upper-class dicktards right on the first try.  It also allows you to work faster faster FASTER, which makes you a real asset to the owner of this coffee shop, who might someday actually reward you with a fifty cent per hour raise.  Welcome to Capitalism 101, where Lesson #1 is learning that the reward for hard work is generally....more hard work.

Oh, but she lives in this beautiful house with lots of naturally light streaming in from her front yard garden.....hmmmmm.....methinks someone in Ad Land has no clue what these coffee monkeys bring home in their weekly paycheck.  This woman has a husband who makes real money but doesn't give her any of it, forcing her to take on a part-time job to earn pocket change, or she's sharing that house with about four other people, all of whom earn more than she does.

It's almost scary to imagine that the good people at Kellogg's might actually believe that this is how "barristas," waitresses, grocery store clerks, etc. live.

Point of Personal Privilege- For Glenn Beck, it's all about the taxes

For those of you who are blessedly unfamiliar with this smooth-talking Lonesome Rhodes reincarnation, Beck is a guy who was Fox's biggest star for a few years with his own late-afternoon cable show until he got too insane even for that network (there are times when Beck makes Alex Jones seem sensible, to let you know how truly nuts he can be.)  Now he peddles "love and understanding" in a sing-song voice when he isn't calling the President a racist Communist and urging his listeners to stock up on gold and "food insurance."   He tells "thoughtful" little stories featuring dramatic pauses you could drive a truck through which I guess is supposed to make him sound deep, or something.

Anyway, the reason for this particular blog post:  I happened to stumble on to Beck's morning radio program today while he was discussing the subject of taxes.  He mentioned that the winner of the World Series of Poker (yeah, there really is such a thing) received a grand prize of $9.2 million " but because he lives in Denmark, which has a very high income tax, he walked away with only $2.5 million."

Beck:  "Now, if you want to live in a country like that- I sure don't!- Bernie Sanders and the Socialists are ready to have that all set up for you."

Meanwhile, the second-place winner received a prize of $5.8 million, "but because he lives in Russia, he only paid $700,000 in taxes.  After taxes, he walked away with more than twice as much money as the guy who beat him!"

Strongly implied by Glenn Beck:  Russia is better than Denmark.  Life expectancy in each country?  Education and literacy levels?  Quality of life? Actual free elections?   Irrelevant.  Russia has lower taxes.  Russia is better, because Russia has lower taxes.

And here's the punchline, as far as I'm concerned:  I'm pretty sure that the average Beck listener makes about $40,000 per year.  Which means their taxes are historically very low, regardless of what Beck tells them and what (therefore) they think about their tax burden.  Yet, I am sure that 90 percent of his listeners were just as horrified as Beck at the thought of a poor, put-upon poker player "earning" only $2.5 million- more than any of them will make in a lifetime- after taxes.  Talk about misplaced sympathy.  Maybe they should send that poor Danish poker player some gold or dried food or a ticket to Russia or- hey, I know!- one of these nifty safes!

"The best part was when our relationship finally became legal!"

"You've always made a great team.  It's been that way since the day you met."

Yeah, that day you decided that she was very "mature for her age"  and that she could "keep a secret," at least until she hit the age of consent.

Come on.  I can't be the only person out there who's noticed that practially all of these Cialis commercials feature guys married to women who are at least fifteen years younger than they are.  I guess it's nice that these guys want to keep their trophy wives satisfied, but jeeesh.....

InfinityQ50- when paying attention is just not your top priority

There's a longer version of this ad out there which features this guy avoiding about six accidents because his car is doing the driving for him- noting other cars in his blind spot, braking, nudging him back into his lane- as the doofus "driver" (more like "passenger") muses at how close he just came- again- to doing some serious damage to his LookAtMeMobile, and maybe killing a few less fortunate people in the process.

Hey, Euro trash with the requisite three-day growth that makes us hate you even more than we already would- instead of forever reflecting on how nice it was that your car kept saving your life (and ours,) how about putting the smug self-satisfaction on the shelf for a while and, I don't know, just PAY ATTENTION TO THE FREAKING ROAD?  Because I'd rather not have my survival depend on all of those freaking electronics working perfectly, each time.  I'd like a Plan B- you keeping your freaking eyes open and brain focused on what's going on around you.  Too much too ask?  Then sit in your driveway in your ridiculous car.  Hey, the neighbors will still see it and know you are Better Than Them- and that's all that really counts, right?