Point of Personal Privilege: My problem with Suze Orman

I love the Suze Orman show, though I admit that I don't really know why.  Most of it features people who have vastly more money than I do calling in to ask permission to make what are usually very modest purchases, only to be told that they don't have enough in retirement savings to afford to buy something they want right now.  Which makes me feel even more impoverished than I do most of the time.

I'm pretty sure it's not the Multi-Millionaires calling in to ask permission to spend a tiny sliver of their mountain of wealth on a trinket, a bauble or a man cave.  I think those idiots only call so they can talk about their money to a stranger on television.  And I know I don't take any pleasure out of the interviews with 35-year old knotheads who are $300,000 in credit card debt and who make $35,000 a year but live in $2 million dollar homes and who mysteriously find themselves in financial trouble.

I guess what I like about this show is Orman's ridiculously curmudgeonly attitude toward spending money.  She has people calling in every week who have what seems to me tons of money and would like to spend a little of it- only to be told that they are DENIED permission because they "don't have enough for later."

I'm all for saving money- I save almost 30 percent of my take-home pay (I'm not bragging- I have to save that much, because my take-home pay is so pathetically low, if I want to have ANY money "later.")  But I also know that people who are so obsessed with "later" that they can't part with a nickle right now are really letting life pass them by- and may end up finding out that "later" isn't so hot even if you HAVE money.

In my opinion, everyone should travel when they are young.  I waited a long time to visit Europe, but not TOO long.  Suze Orman would have DENIED my trip to the UK in 2013, telling me I need that money for retirement.  And I would have asked her what the hell is going to be so great about retirement that it's worth giving up a trip to the UK.  Orman's attitude smacks of Christianity- "suffer now, reap your rewards later."  Nice things, like trips to Europe?  That's for rich people- or for you when you are really, really old and have that retirement fund set.

Well, to hell with that.  I know people who have saved and saved for something only to have an emergency pop up to wipe out their vacation/new car/whatever funds.  I don't like debt, but I've learned not to be so afraid of a short-term credit card balance that I do without everything but the bare essentials.  And I also don't see the value of waiting until you are in your seventies to take that dream vacation- and then seeing it from a bus seat or experiencing much less of it because you are now suffering from limited mobility.

In short (I know, too late) I think Orman's show is valuable but she's way too mean with money.  My father-in-law used to shrug "pigs won't eat it" when called upon to spend.  I'll just say that while savings are very important, life is meant to be lived, and money is meant to be spent.  If you wait until you have the cash before you buy anything, you'll rarely buy anything.  And if you keep putting off a dream because it costs a little money, there's a very good chance you'll never get there.

I just saved you maybe $50. Send that check to....

The Catch Caddy is just another As Seen On TV product that I can't believe I didn't invent like thirty years ago- or at least, that someone else didn't invent like thirty years ago.   It does absolutely nothing that a towel shuffed in that space won't do, and you can use a towel for absolutely no money, and because you already have one, shipping is free.  Heck, if you do it right now you can double your Catch Caddy fun and use TWO towels, and shipping is STILL free.

By the way, the only thing I ever lost in that "black hole" area of my car were french fries, popcorn, and a little loose change, all of which was taken care of with a vacuuming now and then.  I'm pretty sure that french fries, loose change and popcorn have magical properties that would allow them to avoid any Catch Caddy and end up on the floor anyway.  But I PROMISE you that they will NOT be able to avoid the Amazing SuperTowel method.  Order Now!

Community Tax- for people who just find speaking for themselves too scary a thought to bear

I really love the dramatic music that accompanies this ad- I found it so compelling that I called and signed up with Community Tax within thirty seconds of hearing it, despite owing the IRS exactly no money.

"Calling the IRS can be stressful...." so don't do it- call Community Tax instead, and pay them to handle the super scary grown-up phone calls that have you stressed.  Of course, that super-stressful phone call most likely would result in the creation of a repayment plan* you can deal with (and that would relieve you of your stress) but as implied earlier, the really grown-up thing to do is to hire someone to take care of the spooky stressful phone call stuff until you are old enough to make your own phone calls.

Because after all, if you were mature enough to make a phone call, you probably wouldn't be in trouble with your taxes in the first place.  And if you were averse to hiring someone to do something you can do yourself, you'd probably have the money to pay them.  Child.

*"In many cases, we may even request a Stay of Action."  Wow, really?  That almost sounds bold and decisive until you actually read the sentence.  There are no fewer than three qualifiers in that 11-word statement.  But it SOUNDS great....

She'll have enough change in that crystal piggy for a new Audi in no time!

Because when you live in a fricking million-dollar house and own a $800 Smartphone, every penny counts, thank goodness for Walmart!

Looks like some guy is getting his money's worth out of his trophy wife.

Budweiser's Mayor of Nowhere

Sometimes I wonder what people who work forty hours or more a week for an insufficient living think about beer ads.  Sometimes I wonder what people in impoverished nations would think about these ads if they could see them.  And sometimes I wonder what the hell goes through the minds of people who make and approve of these ads- and what is in the minds of the YouTube knuckle-draggers who love them.

And sometimes I just wonder what Budweiser could be doing INSTEAD of building a town for this jackass to be mayor of (I'm assuming Budweiser really is doing this because, well, this is America and this is a totally believable thing for a beer company to be doing in America.)  Like, how many people it could be feeding.  Or how many more people it could be hiring.  You know, stupid non-beer and non-HILARIOUS stuff like that.

And then I just shake my head, write a blog post, and try to forget that I live in the richest country on Earth- a country in which millions of people work forty hours or more a week for an insufficient living.  A country which cheers self-indulgent, stupid garbage like this.

State Farm's Double Check gives us Discount-- ummm-- "Comedians."

1.  Nobody under the age of forty knows who the hell these characters are supposed to be.  Virtually nobody under the age of forty knows who the hell Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon are, for that matter.

2.  Nobody over the age of forty who does remember who these guys are thought that they were funny beyond their second or third skit as reoccuring characters.  Will Farrell's freaking cheerleader bit stayed fresh longer than this crap.

I have to admit- if Apple is snarking on liberal posers here, they really nailed it

....rest assured that self-important, self-satisfied upper class dicktards are busy "contributing their verse" and being celebrated by the most self-important, self-satisfied corporation in the history of the universe.  Remember when Coke's "I'd like to teach the world to sing" seemed a little pretentious? 

In this particular episode of Self-Important Choads Doing Important Things Which Keep The Earth Revolving, "Community Activist" Jason starts his day by randomly seeking out a Cause on his electronic device.  This time it's going to be reclaiming a peice of urban blight and turning it into a garden ( I guess- maybe 5 percent of Jason's time is actually spent on the garden, the rest spent meeting people on his bike, having meetings about what an Involved Think Globally Act Locally little hero he is, and advertising that fact with his electronic device.)  For some reason starting a garden involves gathering together like-minded (equally self-important, showy faux-liberals) to make posters and t-shirts and arrange meetings on bikes and at pretentious coffee houses (because that's how you clear and plant a garden, you know.)

What planet do these assholes live on, anyway?  On mine, life isn't one big Biking Party for No Reason, and I'm kind of tired of all these "the world is waiting for you to make it better with your Apple Product" messages, Apple.  Especially as they come from a business which pays crap salaries which guarantee that the preteens who put together this junk will never, ever ride a bicycle, let alone become acquainted with the concept of a "weekend."  I bet they spend a lot of their "free" time working in urban gardens, though.  Maybe they could give Jason some tips (not that Jason is ever actually going to be doing any gardening, of course.  He'll be moving on to his next Big Earth-Saving Project long before the first seeds begin to sprout.)

Thanks for the "verse," Jason, you tool.

"What will your verse be?"  I got my verse right here, Apple.