When it comes to medication, Daughter knows Best (as usual)

There are a million of these ads featuring children picking up tiny nuggets of information about certain diseases and immediately using that information to pressure their parents into pressuring their doctors into changing their medication Just Because Look There's This New Drug I Saw On TV.

Here, Daughter tells dad "hey, you've got A-Fib (man I hate that...)"  I'm pretty sure Dad already knows this- after all, he's already being treated for it, as revealed when he tells his daughter "I'm on Warfarin."

In one ear and out the other- it's all very well and good that dad knows about his disease, and it's Simply Adorable that he thinks he and his doctor can manage it without Daughter's interference---errrr, help.  But daughter didn't show up with her laptop and her link to a Pradaxa Ad just to be turned aside with a "yes, I'm already dealing with it."  I mean, who knows more about the drug dad should be on- the doctor who has been working with dad, or dad's own DAUGHTER?  Case closed.

So Daughter escorts Dad to the doctor- Dad thought he was a big boy and could go to the doctor all by himself, but Dad was wrong.  If Dad goes to the doctor without Daughter, he might get fed some "Warfarin is working fine for you, there's no reason to change" BS by Uncaring, Uninformed By Television Drug Commercials Doctor.  Daughter has to be there to make sure Doctor knows the score- put Dad on Pradaxa, or Daughter--- um, I mean Dad--- is going to be finding himself another Doctor to hand his Medicare Part D money to.

This being television, we are supposed to believe that yeah, Doctor was vaguely aware of this Pradaxa stuff but is usually reluctant to change prescriptions for his patients unless talked into it by someone who has more knowledge on the subject than he does, like the children of said patients.  After a five-minute conversation at his desk- who needs additional tests?- Doctor agrees to switch Dad to Predaxa.  If this happens in real life, I'd be asking the doctor if the medication really matters at all, we're being so flip about dumping it and trying something else.

At the end of the commercial Daughter is happy- for now.  After all, Dad and Doctor did her bidding, without putting up any kind of fuss at all (it looks like she had a harder time convincing Dad than Doctor- I guess Doctor doesn't really give a damn what Dad's taking, as long as insurance is covering the office visit.)  In a few months, she'll see some new drug on tv and immediately conclude "I think Dad should be taking that.  Like, starting yesterday."

My dad takes a basket of pills every morning.  I don't know what any of them are.  I'm sure as heck not going to be dropping in to pressure him to try this or that new drug Just Because.  Either I'm not as caring as Daughter, or I've got a lot more going on in my life than she does.  I'm pretty sure it's the latter.

On the Simpsons they called it "vitamins and alka-seltzer." That's about right

I wondered why this commercial was treating me and the rest of it's audience like stupid children who have no idea how the immune system works, or if the makers of Airborne think that the average customer for their product is eight years old and therefore will buy the whole "immunity army of not-minions working to keep you healthy" bit.

Then I remembered that Americans just love taking unnecessary drugs* and really don't need to be talked into popping just one more thing if they think doing that means they won't catch a cold.   Hey, at least it's not Viagra.

*Full disclosure- when I grade AP exams in Louisville every June, I have to spend eight hours a day for seven days in a convention hall with 1200 people- so I use Airborne or a generic equivalent all that week.  But every day, 365 days a year?  I'm pretty sure that constantly "boosting" your immune system like that would eventually result in a high level of tolerance toward these fuzzy wafer things.  And maybe even a weaker immune system when you don't use it.  At least that's how it seems to me.

Samsung's Love Note to mute obsession

And we're supposed to think that the Simple Latina thinks finds it positively charming that her stalker has been following her, taking photos of her, and captioning those photos to fit his personal fantasy world (which revolves around her.)  And that he's incapable of speaking to her with his voice, like a normal, well-adjusted person, thank goodness he's got this stupid toy to do his talking for him.  Uh huh.

"Please tell us you do more with your Note than this loser.  Because we'd really like some better ad ideas than this.  Less creepy ones, too."

"Ok, time to come clean- I didn't exactly get this from a rusty nail...."

"I remember when I used to get away with telling The Little Woman that I picked up Hepatitis C by touching someone else's razor, or by picking up the wrong knife.  She was really sympathetic back then, and gave me a speech about 'for better or for worse' or some such bilge.  That was really adorable.  Those were good times."

"Then some bastard invented the internet, and suddenly Clueless Suzy could do her own research about Hepatitis C, and she found out that more than 75% of infections come from intravenous drug use and unprotected sexual intercourse.  Suddenly she felt betrayed by me, and I felt betrayed by The Google. "

"It didn't even help that Hepatitis C now has a cool hip name- HepC.  Come on, who wouldn't want a little HepC?  Hmmm...turns out the answer is 'my wife,' who thought she was safe as long as she didn't touch my razor or any knives I had been handling after suffering a cut.  Ooops, sorry honey."

"And sorry I didn't tell you about what me and my boys did after the big meeting during our business trip to Vegas back in '98.  But once my doctor cleared me for HIV and Syphilis, I thought I was in the clear- um, I mean, I thought WE were in the clear.  Hey, at least I'm not shooting up anymore, that's something, right honey?  Honey?"

Personally?  I'd take action by dumping this guy in exchange for a nice divorce settlement.  You can take that "For Better or For Worse" bit only so far.

Another Golden Corral Ad (hey, it's been a while!)

What's the difference between a Seafood Restaurant and Golden Corral?

1.  At a seafood restaurant, the customers tend to be wearing clothes which suggest that they are doing something special.  Clothes like pants with zippers and shirts with buttons.  At Golden Corral you are far more likely to see customers wearing sweatpants and pullovers.  You should be grateful.  Believe me.

2.  At a seafood restaurant, you tell the waiter what you want and he brings it to you on a plate.  You eat what's on your plate and then the dinner experience is over.  At Golden Corral you bring your plate up to a trough with a sneeze guard, stand behind a few drooling yokels as they pick over the Fried Everything, and eventually load up with more food than you really want to eat, figuring you'll lose at least ten percent of it on the way back to your booth.

3.  At a seafood restaurant, you're likely to get food that used to swim around in the water.  At Golden Corral, whatever you end up eating spent a lot more time swimming around in grease and bread crumbs than H20.  In fact, at Golden Corral you'll be eating a lot more grease and bread crumbs than seafood.  And don't forget to save room for macaroons, the Chocolate Wonderfall and the Cotton Candy Machine!

4.  And oh yeah, there's the whole price thing.  At a decent seafood restaurant, you'll get pretty good food at a pretty high price.  I hope you don't react like these awful hicks.  At Golden Corral, you'll get really crappy food at a price which seems pretty low, unless you take the time to reflect on the quality of the junk you just ate, at which point you'll realize the price is pretty high.   But if you are a Golden Corral customer it's all about quantity not quality anyway, so no worries.

Stupid Shortcuts come in Kosher!

"I want to keep 'regular' and promote digestive health and feel great, but not if it's going to take any actual thought or planning which might distract me from downloading stuff to my cell phone or dancing through a field or something!  To heck with that- I don't have time to eat a decent, balanced diet including actual fiber!  Just give me this junk I can pour into water and be on my way!"

"Benefiber:  When you're too old for Pediasure, too young for Metamucil, and too stupid and lazy to actually take care of yourself!"

(I have no idea why I went for the Israeli version.  Maybe it was the "yum yum" at the end.)

Dove joins the "make our next horrible commercial for us" parade

Fifty-seven seconds of guys acting like Human Beings with their kids to get to the punchline "Real Men Show They Are Strong By Being With Their Kids," or something like that.   Followed by two punchlines:

1.  This is an ad for soap.  I don't have any idea what soap has to do with any of this, unless Dove is trying to tell us that if we REALLY want to be strong for our kids, Hey We'd Better Use This Soap.  Actually, I think it's more like "the last fifty-seven seconds was brought to you by this stupid soap company, who'd a thunk it?"

2.  This is also an ad for exhibitionist jackasses who live to make videos of themselves doing perfectly ordinary (and perfectly boring) things and posting them in public places on the odd theory that anyone outside their house could give a flying damn.  Dove is actually inviting guys to take videos of interaction between themselves and their kids and send them to Dove.....so they can be included in a compilation that will be used to torture the next round of Gitmo detainees, or what?  I mean, seriously- I thought fifty-seven seconds of this dreck produced by actual cameramen with high-grade equipment was painful.  Hours of additional material posted using shaky iPhones?  Good lord, I think I'd rather be waterboarded.