"Stop messing with the insane Toyota lady!"

"You know her brain is so fried on Uppers that she'll talk to anything that gets within three feet of her desk!"

In this commercial, Toyota finally admits that Jan is a loopy basket case who might as well have a pull string attached to her back.  I'm not sure why a toy drone was used in this ad- a squirrel wandering in to the showroom would have worked just as well.  Oh, but that would have deprived us of the Obnoxious, Ugly Kid Motif.  We would have managed, Toyota.

I think Jan should be introduced to Red.  Jan could bleat the virtues of Toyota's latest Can't Miss Sales Event, and Red could reply by reciting the Wendy's menu and expressing amazement that anyone would ever eat anywhere else, ever.  Those loons totally deserve adjoining cells in whatever asylum worn-out spokeschoads end up in when their companies finally realize (usually two or three years after their audience) that no one thinks that they are funny, interesting or persuasive anymore.

(BTW, I can't help but hope that toy drone ends up scratching an unsold car or causing an injury to some customer who innocently walked into Toyota expecting to be able to look at automobiles without being victimized by yet another parent-deprived little brat.  Because- enough, already.  Hire a babysitter and leave your spawn at home, or take away the potentially destructive toy for a few minutes while you're in the building.  You know, like PARENTS would do.)

Here's a better idea: Parent your freaking brats

I guess the message of this stupid pile of dreck from Volkswagen is that children are destructive, nasty little creatures who are totally incapable of being taught how to behave (or, at least, incapable of being taught how to behave when their mom is an easily-distracted, totally disinterested, self-absorbed jackass who lets them run around convenience stores unsupervised while she pumps gas.)  The solution?  Nope- it's not Unlimited Talk, Text and Streaming this time.  It's to buy a car that allows you to get from Point A to Point B without stopping- so if your kids want to be horrible little monsters, they'll have to hurl themselves out of the moving car as it passes 7-11 to do it.

BTW, we know where the "mom" is in this ad- putting gas in the car, and (if she has any brain cells left) contemplating taking off, faking her own death, and starting a new life in another country.  But why aren't there any store employees around to stop these awful creeps from doing so much damage?  Are they just watching this happen?  Are they distracted by the losers carefully picking out scratch-off tickets at the counter?  Has the last ounce of life been sucked out of them and they are fully aware of what is going on at the store- but simply don't give a damn anymore?  I  mean, what the hell?

Frankly, I couldn't get past the 7:02 time stamp*...

But before I get back to that, let's watch in horror as people react to seeing Flo like people in another, saner, less rock-stupid time reacted to seeing the President or at least a famous movie star.  Let's see the doubletakes and gasping and OMIGOD ITS THAT HORRIBLE PALE WOMAN FROM THE COMMERCIALS looks and the inevitable selfies.   Because there's no loser like a "I'm swooning over what passes as a celebrity these days" loser, is there?

*What hemisphere is this ad being filmed in?  Wherever it is, it sure is bright there at 7:02 AM.

Offer not available to certain couples in Indiana

"Ok, guys, I'm off on vacation!  See you when I get back!"

"Hey Flo, before you take off, could you just do one commercial for us?  You know, just to tie us over?"

"Come on, guys, my plane isn't going to wait for me.."

"It'll only take a moment.  Just hold your old pricing gun, stand next to this cake pan, and say something like 'it's a piece of cake' and then say something about wanting a piece of cake."

"Um, seriously?  We're that out of ideas?"

"You said you were in a hurry.  Just bleat the stupid line please.  We can do this in one take, honestly."

Yeah, this is a company I'm going to trust with my insurance.  Sure it is.

Mindy's got Nationwide Issues

1.  The idea that a good-looking woman could be invisible is more than a little absurd on its face.  And this woman is good-looking.  Her personality?  Revolting.  Her looks?  Not an issue at all.

1(a) could it be that Mindy has been "invisible" because her chip-on-her-shoulder personality is so caustic, a lot of people just try to screen her out and pretend she isn't there?  You know, as kind of a defensive measure?

2.  Try to imagine this commercial with a man in the title role.  Can't, can you?  Maybe that's because it's still acceptable to show women doing things like gorging on ice cream and getting bent out of shape at the idea of being ignored and even touching someone without asking first.  But if this commercial featured a man touching a female stranger and then copping an attitude when called on it- nope, sorry.  Can't see that happening.

Nature Valley: your new home for easily-digestable, manipulative tripe

Ugh, really?  So, Nature Valley- you decided to right out and prove that you have absolutely no shame at all?

On the other hand- if you want to convince yourself to eat this junk, being blind is probably an advantage.

As for the rest of this drivel- well, to be perfectly honest, I didn't watch past the first ten seconds.  That was enough saccharine to last me at least a month.  The only thing worse are the YouTube comments that follow.  Like I said- Ugh .

Meet Dale, the saddest tool in the Domino's box

I'm sorry, but there are very few ads out there that fill me with more bile than this one.  There is just so much wrong going on here, it's hard to figure out exactly where to start.  So I'll just plunge in--

Maybe Dale is actually proud of his ability to make boxes faster than anyone else on the Domino's payroll.  Hell, I'm sure that if you took a time machine back to 1790, you might actually be able to find a slave on some Virginia plantation proud at being the very fastest at picking out the cotton seeds by hand.  Guess what?  Doesn't make it worth celebrating.

That this middle-aged doofus is thrilled at his "celebrity" as the Most Famous Domino's Trained Seal (even that stupid, pointless laugh- what is he laughing at? The depressing absurdity that has become of his life?)  isn't heartwarming or interesting- it's just pathetic and diminishing and, well, gross.

That we know the only payoff this guy is going to get for all of his work is a pat on the head from some corporate tool making 800 times what Dale can expect IF he gets the hours he wants next year is predictable and expected.

And that this video will be shown to thousands of other Domino's drones as an "inspiring learning experience" which can be more accurately translated into "why can't you be more like this idiot?  Because if you don't make an attempt at emulating him, it's back to the unemployment office, prole.  Oh and BTW, you've used up your benefits."