Here's a News Flash for this whiny insurance user....

Nobody cares if you are "the poster child for paying your premiums on time."  That's what you are supposed to do.  Paying bills on time is a prerequisite for getting service without interruption.  This woman sounds like people who pay their premiums when they are due are worthy of special consideration.  She reminds me of students who think that they are entitled to a high grade because they have a good attendance record.  Um, no.

Then the commercial actually gets funny.  This woman segues from her pointless "people who pay their premiums on time are amazing" intro to express shock and disgust that insurance companies react to an accident by- get this- jacking up your rates!  OHMIGOSH, really?  Has the President been notified?

Her wide-eyed astonishment is downright funny here.  Um, this is what insurance companies DO, lady.  They take premiums and deliver "security" in return- and they have a captive audience, because if you own a car, you MUST buy insurance for it.  As long as you continue to pay and don't have a claim, they'll adore you, and they'll show how much by sending you a birthday card with your agent's business card stapled on the inside.  "Tap a bumper" and file a claim?  Now you've broken a covenant with that agent (how could you? He sent you a birthday card!!)  Now you are costing that insurance company money.  Maybe this particular company will provide "accident forgiveness" and not raise your rates the first time (especially if you just "tap someone's bumper") but don't expect that to keep up.  Those massive buildings and these commercials aren't free, you know.

Here's a tip to this stupid lady and all the other stupid people in these stupid commercials- if you "tap someone's bumper" or someone else taps your bumper,  just take your car to a mechanic and pay for it to get fixed.  Or just leave a dent in your bumper.  Save your insurance claims for the big accidents- you know, the ones that will get your rates raised or your insurance cancelled.  By the guy who sent you that nice birthday card.

What's the "Hidden Message" in this Walmart ad?

A commentator on YouTube suggests that there is a "hidden message" in this commercial.  I don't think the message is hidden.  I think it's pretty obvious.  The message is "this package from Walmart gives you the freedom to jabber away like a witless, cell phone-addicted idiot and that's a good thing."  Nothing hidden about it.

Oh, she's a black woman married to a white guy?  Is that what he's talking about?  So he thinks the hidden message is "mixed marriages are bad because they lead to shopping at Walmart and spending every waking moment yakking away like an obnoxious moron and thinking 'I can do this all day' is a GOOD thing?"  Seems kind of obscure.

Our Awesome Future, provided by Verizon....

These two women have gotten together for movie night, but because the host's internet connection is so slow, the movie won't load and they are reduced to painful, awkward, terribly uncomfortable attempts to make small talk while playing Scrabble.

Wow, they must be such great friends.  With no movie on a giant screen to distract them, they have no real clue what to do with themselves.  A game like Scrabble might have been fun and educational for their parents, but we've got Connectivity now- or, at least, we're supposed to.  And just talking over coffee or a few glasses of wine?  Maybe that worked as a regular weekly thing once- but hey, now it's all about TV TV TV.

I'm going to assume that this woman's internet connect is really bad, because neither of them are retreating to their laptops or even phones.   So they are trapped in this terrible situation, with absolutely nothing to break the agony because oh my god the electronics have failed us.  It's like they are two hunter-gatherers sitting around a fire after taking down a mammoth.  Except that the hunter-gatherers had stuff to talk about, of course- boring stuff that didn't involve downloading, the losers.

Giving up any idea that these women might just forget the damn tv and just start chatting (TO EACHOTHER, IN PERSON,) wouldn't popping in a DVD at least partially solve this problem?  Or how about going OUT to see a movie?  I know it means going outside, but as long as you can't really stand to just BE together, wouldn't it be better than this?

Ok, who is the most insane person in this ad?

1.  Is it the younger woman, who lives in a house so filthy, and is so determined to hide that fact from Evil Mother In Law Cliche, that she spends an afternoon spraying the hell out of it with Febreze?  I mean, sure the house might not stink anymore, but isn't anyone going to notice how damp the pillows and curtains are?

2. Or is it Evil Never Satisfied Mother In Law Cliche, who proceeds to have a religious experience upon entering the Febreze-soaked house....and then attempts to consume the couch and drapes with her nose?  Ick- I mean, what the hell is that all about?

Dear first woman- you need to either keep your house clean (by which I mean, divide the cleaning chores up between yourself, your husband, and your kids) by actually CLEANING, because guess what?  Roaches don't care about Febreze.  And all you are teaching your family here (besides that mom is scared of Mom-in-Law) is that smelling clean is just as good as being clean.  Not a great message.

Dear second woman-- oh, never mind.  You're a lost cause.  Mom is pathetic, but Mom-in-Law....you're just gross.

One more Yes You Can and this guy gets shipped to Gitmo

I'm as liberal as they come, but.....

It would have been perfectly ok with me if the Department of Homeland Security had interrupted this pointless little "argument" by clubbing Mr. Yes You Can to death with billy clubs.  Or at least slamming his face into the x-ray machine, confiscating his passport, and sticking him on the No Fly List for the next thirty years.  Even though he does seem to be in the only airport in the United States featuring a "line" consisting of exactly four people at security.

Actually, I think that if this guy pulls one more "yes you can," that fourth person in line is going to do the clubbing honors.  I can only see part of her face and her elbow, but it looks like she's had just about enough of this conversation.

Another stupid man gets a well-deserved slapdown*

It's so funny when guys in commercials try to do things that don't involve cars, trucks, barbecues or killing weeds, don't you think?

This guy thought he was finally doing something right when he bought the bargain brand dishwashing detergent.  Hey look, honey, I'm saving us money!

Haha, loser.  Your wife is setting you back into your place and setting you straight- sure, you "saved" a little money, but now we have to use twice as much, Dumbass Why Don't You Stay In The Garage Until It's Time To Get Me Pregnant Again Idiot Man?  And now it's back to the store to buy what every woman knows is the GOOD detergent- bet you bump into a few other moron males who thought they could buy detergent too.  Jackass.

I bet this doofus even buys bread and clothes and tries to parent his kids every once in a while, and it always turns out badly because....hey, he's a guy.  Probably spends half his life apologizing for trying to act like he knows what he's doing.  If he would just stick to buying Round-Up and pickups, they'd both be better off.

*snark, of course.  Just imagine the roles being reversed in this ad, with the guy lecturing his wife and sending her back to the store.  Maybe in 1955.  Not today.

Three days later, someone's bloated corpse washes up on the beach, and the investigation begins

Personally, I think this guy should drive that SUV into the ocean and get this over with.

Failing that, however....

Is this guy used to being berated about taking the garbage out?  If so, why is he so damned happy about it?

Why is this woman thanking him for taking the garbage out?  Does he thank her for doing all of her chores?  And why is she so damned happy about "needing to talk?"  "Needing to talk" is never good news and is never anything to smile about.

Why is this woman so damned happy about applying for a Medicaid Supplement Plan (or Insurance or something- I don't know.  I don't care.  I just know it's not worth that Check Out My Dentures Smile?)  Is she on serious drugs, or what?

"Did you do your situps?"  Jeesh, lady- he looks like he's a retired man in his 70s who has enough testosterone to go kayaking, and enough money to own his own kayak which he can strap on the top of his SUV All By Himself, or at the very least with your help.  Situps?  He's about to row around in a kayak.  Is he in training for a triathalon?  It's not like you're asking if he took his heart meds or blood thinners.  He's about to row a freaking kayak!  Maybe he doesn't need to do situps today!

The guy responds to his wife's declaration "I think we need to look into spending more money" with a "right now?"  But we don't get an answer from the wife.  Next thing we know, she's moved on to nagging him about his situps.  So, did they get on their iPhone and order the extra coverage?  Or did they just agree to have this talk at a more appropriate time- like, when the guy isn't driving his SUV or getting ready to row a kayak?

Personally, I'd be a little worried if my spouse suddenly mentioned the need for more insurance just before we went out kayaking.  I wouldn't turn my back on her, that's all I'm saying.