Xfinity's drive to turn us all into zombies continues unabated....

Woman near the end of this horrible Joys Of Sitting On Your Ass Watching TV Whenever Wherever ad:  "What does it not do?"  Easy answer- it doesn't do anything to encourage you to get off your overfed ass and go outside and actually do something, you addicted moron.

But she's just the last person in the long parade of slouching couch potato jackass mouth-breathers who populate this two minutes of sludge.  Everyone here is just enchanted with the idea of getting rid of their "dissapointing" DVR-- "it only lets you record two shows at the same time,"ooooh poor baby how DO you find the courage to get through life?  With Xfinity, you can record up to FOUR shows at the same time while watching a fifth show- well, it's about damn time, and never mind that there has never, ever in the history of television been more than two shows worth watching on the tv at the same time.  Hell, I can't remember I flipped back and forth between two shows because I was actually interested in both of them.  More like "meh, whatever, I might come back to this, but let's see what else is on just in case it's better...."  I don't have DVR at all, and believe it or not, I couldn't care less.

The people in TV land apparently all have so many channels and so many fun things to watch that they need to be able to record four shows at the same time even when they are home watching a fifth show.  Which leads me to two questions- what kind of cable package to they have, and where do they ever find the time to watch all these recorded shows?

Oh, and if you're carrying around your television on your phone, forever watching one show while recording four others for later consumption, do you ever get around to doing anything other than watching tv?

Oh, and for you people who have bought in to this TV Is My Life crap- do you really want your kids to emulate your sad behavior?  Really?

Volkswagen brings Fail to a whole new level

Ok, forget the disgusting antics of these women attempting to pick up a guy half their age in a Volkswagen dealership by bleating lame innuendo that, if uttered by a guy at a bar, would get a drink thrown into his face. Once again I could point out that if you reverse the roles here and feature three old men tossing sleazy lines at a young female seller this ad probably gets rejected during production and never sees the light of day.  Because, you know, it's 2015.

Because the lines are being put into the mouths of elderly women, and are being directed at a guy who works at the dealership, it's not only stupid, but also very confusing- aren't these women customers?  Then why are they trying to sell the car instead of letting the salesman do that?

I could do an entire second post on all this, but I'm not going to bother.  I'm way too interested in getting an answer to just one question:

Why are elderly women, children, and animals ever used to sell anything that is not specifically geared to elderly women, children, or animals?  I just don't get it, and I never have.

A peak into Toyota's Fantasy Showroom

I'm certain that if it could, Toyota would gladly swap out all of it's actual human salespeople- who, after all, get sick every once in a while, have to take coffee and bathrooom breaks, and engage in all of those other Not Pimping Cars With A Huge Fake Smile On their Faces activities- with holograms of chirpy idiot Jan Forever OD'ng on Starbucks, Five Hour Energy, Red Bull and Speed.  In fact, that's apparently what happened in this TV Land Toyota- Virtual Reality Jan gets to do all the work, and everyone who used to work here got shown the door.

I bet actual car salespeople really appreciate these commercials, and car commercials in general which always show drooling, super-eager customers who are blown away by every little buzzer and gadget and who are never really being talked into buying a car, just being shown the one that happens to be closest to the entrance so they can swoon for a few moments before pulling out their wallets.   Ads which made being a car salesman look like the easiest job on the planet were bad enough.  Ads which show the job being done by a lunatic with nothing more to do than escort customers across the room to The Perfect Car 'Cause Look Its Got WiFi have to be a thousand times worse.

What cave did this woman grow up in?

Sometimes, I can't get past one line in an ad.  Here's the line I can't get past this time:  "A sleeping cream.  That's a new one."

Um, seriously?  Cream you apply to your skin at night is "a new one" for this woman?  Um, whatever.  I suspect that later in the day, she stared at amazement at cheese being added to hamburgers and chocolate sauce being added to ice cream.

I mean, really- where has this woman and her smashed-with-a-frying-pan sleepy-eyed face* been for the last several hundred years?  CLEOPATRA applied cream to her face for crissakes.

*what is with her face?  Is she supposed to be attractive?  Because I don't see it.

Highly Stupid Chevy Commercial

So is this a scene deleted from Saw, or what?

I like how these guys, who have just been caged and threatened by a lunatic, are instantly distracted by the "manly" Chevy truck.  Wow, talk about ADD.  "Sure you forced me into a cage and threatened me with being eaten by a grizzly for no reason I can comprehend, but man check out that shiny truck! That's manly!"

I don't want to know what's "manly" about this truck.  I just want to know that the very first thing these guys did with it was run over the smarmy psychopath who subjected them to this experience.

Not only is this ad not funny, it does nothing to make me want to buy the product being advertised, which I kind of thought was the whole freaking point of advertising in the first place.  All it makes me want to do is punch someone in the face.  And then maybe toss them into a steel cage.  With a grizzly bear.

The Value of Pointless Spending

This is why your kids' schools are falling apart.

And why your Social Security payments aren't certain to be there when you retire.

And why the deficit is so high.

And why we "can't afford" to rebuild our crumbling infrastructure.

And why we "can't afford" the kind of high-speed rail that exists in other countries- including countries that were reduced to rubble seventy years ago, one by atomic bombs.  Including countries that were once run by Never Get Anything Done Commies.

Because we have to buy showy, ridiculously expensive crap like this instead.

Both of these grinning idiots need to be beaten to death, right now

Hashtag just being honest.  Hashtag I hate the 21st century.  Hashtag the sooner the whole Hashtag thing is over the better.   Hashtag bite me, Honda.