LegalZoom- yeah, I'd totally trust these guys with legal matters. Totally.

1.  There has never in the history of television been a persuasive commercial which features half a dozen people saying something that could be said by one person.  I really don't care to be greeted with "hi" from a series of total strangers.  Just get to the f--ing point already.

2,  I know what a robot is.  Don't need you to demonstrate it to me.  Having insulted me once with all the stupid "hi's," you are doubling down with this crap.  Don't know you.  Don't care about you.  Don't want you to show me what you think a robot is.

3.  I guess this is what you do when you have nothing to sell, because I sure didn't hear much of anything about the product, and I don't remember anything about the commercial except that it irritated me.  Great job, LegalZoom.

More of GE's Condescending Crap

Quick Quiz:  What is the most repulsive aspect to this latest chapter in the "GE:  We Hire Geeks And Are Not Particularly Proud Of It" ad campaign?

A.  The grizzled coal miner just-back-from-beers-at-the-Union-Hall sitting on the couch waxing poetic about grampa and his Beloved Hammer (because who doesn't treasure the blunt instrument one uses to perform an unskilled labor job until crippled by a hernia or a cave-in?)  He's pretty awful if only for the reason that he seems to be dissapointed that his greasy geek son is achieving what I thought was the American Dream- to have your kids do better than you do.

Or

B.  The greasy, overly styled Eurotrash creep son who has to look as if he'd shatter if he tripped and fell on the sidewalk and who, like his compatriots in the other GE commercials, acts as if he's completely incapable of explaining to us non-engineer lessers exactly what he's going to be doing and why it's so much more productive and Better than what grampa did with that hammer?

Hint:  There's no Wrong Answer.

GE doesn't stand for "Good Enough," I guess.

I'm a history teacher- one of several at my school.  If I were this guy, I'd be telling my friends and family that I teach every class at my school while simultaneously running the payroll department and handling all parent-teacher relationships as well as handling all repairs.  Seriously, this jackass is so miserable at the prospect of working for GE that he has to try to convince his loser friends and family that he's basically going to be responsible for the running of the entire freaking company?  What kind of insecurity is being exhibited here?

On the other hand, if he is proud of the job he actually got and not the one he's fantasizing/lying about, why does he give a fat rat's ass what his slacker loser family and friends think?  "Hey, I'm working for GE- which means I can expect to bring home a decent paycheck every two weeks.  When you slack-jawed yokels can keep the lights on without hitting the Money Store for a payday loan and stop getting all your furniture from Rent-A-Center, you can snark on my job.  Until then, kiss my ass and check out my new car."

I get the feeling that these drooling white trash idiots save their admiration for the brother-in-law who just got promoted to Assistant Manager at PapaJohns and gets to bring the leftovers home after working the 6PM- 2AM shift.  It's pizza for breakfast every other day at his place, freakin' awesome man!

Works until you realize he bought a KIA.

I'm sorry, but I really don't get this ad at all.  A son tells his father that he quit his job and then sold all his stuff so he could buy a car and drive across the country.  I do understand that the punchline is the father totally understanding, wishing he had been so juvenile and irresponsible, and goes along for the ride (which I'm pretty sure wasn't part of the son's plan.  Though judging from the look on this idiot's face as dad slurps at his Big Gulp, maybe I'm wrong- maybe Dad and his wallet were a very, very important part of his plan all along.)

That's all there is, right?

Well, if that's the case, shouldn't the tagline of this commercial be "KIA- It's the car Idiots With No Sense Drive?"  Or how about "KIA- When you're an aimless moron with a rich dad to fall back on?"

If I were the dad, the first question I'd ask is "um, why a KIA?"  The second I'd ask is "why are you telling me this?  Judging by the facial hair, you seem to be an adult. As long as you aren't asking me to finance your extremely early midlife crisis, why tell me?"

"And by the way, if you ARE asking me to finance this, you know where the door is.  I'll wrap up this sandwich and you can eat it on the road."

But at 7-11 I can pick up a Big Gulp and do my investing at the same time

As near as I can tell, the people in this ad were taken in by the fake broker because he used what to them were impressive terms like "401k" and "Asset Management."  I'm giving them a little credit- maybe it was the use of the word "Retirement" that won them over- or the glass doors to his office.

Whatever it was, this is just another of a long line of ads which aims at the less than 10 percent of Americans who find themselves with a little bit of money at the end of each month and actually want to try to grow it for the future instead of going for the bigger Data Plan Package or treating VISA to something other than the minimum monthly payment.   Not the kind of people who think that they are doing something amazingly smart by setting up a college fund with a company that makes baby food, or who think being financially wise involves taking advantage of every Buy One Get One Free deal at McDonald's.  Because they don't have any cash to hand over to actual brokers or DJs beyond that $2 per week they use to invest in the Powerball.

So good luck in your quest to get your share of the Extra Money very, very few Americans have these days, CFP.  With Voya, Edward Jones, Morgan Stanley, etc. out there chasing the same diminishing group of people who are doing better than just getting by and just keeping up, you've got a tough job ahead of you.   I guess that explains these stupid ads.  They don't put any more money in our pockets, but hell- neither do ads for the iPhone6, and lots of people on the margins were apparently willing to ignore the reality of their financial situation to line up to buy that Just Because.

Old Spice gives society a gigantic middle finger

This wall of noise is too stupid to even comment on.  The YouTube commentators who approve of it are beneath contempt and beyond snark.  Everyone involved in it's making deserve to die a slow, horrible death.  It's ok with me if the sun doesn't come up tomorrow, because that will mean I'll be spared of ever, ever having to see this painful nub of an ad again.

Nissan Rogue craps all over a classic song. Nothing new here

Lily-white suburban jackasses race eachother home from the airport in their whitebread Nissan Rogues, checking out who can get back to the Made of Ticky-Tacky plywood palace first.  Because Family, don't you know.

For some reason- probably because the people who wrote this awful ad have no sense of dignity or respect- it's all played to the song "War."

Lily-white jackasses end in a tie again, despite the best efforts of both to drive dangerously fast down crowded streets and construction sites in order to...um, avoid being the one who makes the hot dogs and potato salad, I guess.

All in good fun, since apparently nobody actually died during the contest.  The only casualties were, again, dignity and respect.  Oh, and basic decency.  F--you, Nissan.