Better warn Mom- this guy will be moving back in soon

...because he's proving in this ad that he's simply not ready to be out on his own yet.

I mean, think about it.  He's an "artist" obsessed with the need for a good couch (you know, buddy, if you spent more time actually working and less time reflecting on how badly you need a place to comfortably rest your butt, you might not have such crappy credit...)  He doesn't need a clean apartment, he doesn't need a good credit score, he just needs a good couch.  That will fix everything.  Uh huh.

Ah, but he's got a girlfriend ready to give him truly horrible advice- "just go to Aaron's- you just need first month's payment!"  Yeah, that's all you need- kind of like those "Sign and Drive" events where you can drive off with a car "for practically just your signature."  Next comes the other 35 payments you'll be making on the awesome couch you "needed" and which will end up costing you roughly five times more than you would have paid for the same couch at Penny's if you had just been willing to save for it.  Then again, if you had ever shown any inclination to save for anything, you wouldn't have that terrible credit score, would you?

Tip to couch guy:  That girlfriend is not your friend.  Tip to girlfriend:  Your "artist" boyfriend is in a big enough hole without you handing him another shovel.

Someone do this idiot a favor and introduce him to a few Aaron's customers- or Rent A Center customers (same people.)  Maybe he'll get a badly-needed education concerning companies which take advantage of people with crappy credit scores who want to pretend that they have the right to nice things like people who have good credit scores (or who just save up for the things they want, and know the difference between "wanting" and "needing.")

Maybe the same person can also do his mom a favor and encourage her to change her locks.  Because her idiot son is on the way back to her basement, this time with even more dismal prospects than before he moved out.

The Most Sexist Ad of All Time

"Hey Moms, if you have kids, does this look familiar?"

Um, I'm not a Mom, and I don't have Kids, and this STILL looks familiar.  Maybe because it's f---ing 2015 and even single guys do laundry these days.  This Good Housekeeping Better Homes And Gardens Betty Crocker crap really ticks me off-- and the comments underneath this YouTube clip don't exactly restore my faith in humanity; they are mostly "I hear ya!" affirmations from empty-headed clucking idiots almost as proud of the label "Housewife" as they are of their "MRS" degree.

Seriously what the hell is this? "Mom Hacks?"  Apparently it's a series of videos designed to help "typical moms" through what is supposed to be their "typical mom" lives- lives which involve preparing meals, cleaning, making beds, arranging and rearranging rooms, picking up after their kids and laundry, laundry and more laundry, all in a big cage--errrr,, house-- that hubby provided as his side of the bargain...err, I mean marriage.  When it comes to actually maintaining the home, I don't see a lot of input from Hubby-- oh, but I already forgot; he's out Making All This Possible by bringing home the paycheck.  He also gets to impregnate Mom every once in a while- that's part of the deal, after all.

A man doing laundry?  I think that would give the people who made these videos the vapors.

"Mom Hacks."  Because in someone's world, it's always going to be 1955.

One more Mom Hack- "don't keep a loaded gun near the washer, you might suddenly realize what your life has become.  Keep a bottle of Sherry behind the drier instead- you know, like your Mom always did."

Dear Mr. Thomson: This isn't helping

Do I really have to explain why this shucking and jiving act shouldn't have any place on television in 2015?

I mean, is that necessary?  Is this necessary?  Does it really sell movie tickets?  Even if it did, is it really worth it?

National's Actors Welfare Program is getting on my nerves

When this actor realizes that his acting career has been reduced to playing a character he portrayed on a sitcom which has been off the air for 20 years in 30-second bits in order to pimp for a rental car company, I suggest he be kept away from sharp objects and be lovingly guided to therapy.

In the meantime, why on Earth would any of this convince us to use this particular rental car company?  "Putty' didn't work for a rental car company on Seinfeld.  He was a mechanic (and later, for one entire episode, a car salesman.)  He was also an idiot.  So why are turning to him for advice on which car rental company to use?

Come to think of it- considering the arc of this guy's career, why does he need to rent cars anyway?

Thing is, there is no "In Between" Anymore

Unless it's to make us hate every single person who appears on the screen over the course of this twenty seconds of Obnoxious, I don't get the point of this ad at all.  I mean, it can't mean "this is the phone you want to have to share the moments in between the moments you are already sharing," can it?

Can It?

I know it's early, but can we as a civilization consider this for a New Year's Resolution:  To make 2016 the year we admit that 99 percent of our lives are really not worth "sharing," and to just cut back on the g-d-- sharing until we have something that qualifies as valuable?  Because this.....this is just wrong.  Man, I can remember thinking that everyone having blogs was Over-The-Top in the self-important department.  When you are recording yourself sipping from a water fountain or just walking....geeeessssh....man, what went wrong in YOUR life?

Axa* Commercial, Translated

"Here at Axa, we think that offensively condescending commercials are the way to draw upper-middle class couples away from Voya, Morgan Stanley, and all the other brokers.  Plus, those guys have already done ads with idiots stretching ribbons and carrying around their fantasy retirement income numbers, so this is pretty much what's left."

"In an interesting twist, we are going to throw in a ridiculous line about how investing money instead of spending it can be an 'enjoyable' experience."

*Axa?  Hmmm.  So not only were all the plausible ad ideas already taken, so were all the decent brokerage firm names?

The only thing "surprising" in this Nissan commercial is that no one died during it

Upon the fourth or fifth viewing of this ubiquitous junk, I figured out that what the guy wasn't supposed to be "expecting" was that he and this girl were actually going to be watching the game at the stadium down the street, and not at Buffalo Wild Wings, Hooter's or anywhere else he might have seen as more plausible.  Exactly why watching the game live is such a surprise, considering (as I've mentioned) the stadium is apparently just a few blocks away from where this guy lives (and only a few seconds when you're traveling with an idiot who is perfectly comfortable driving seventy miles per hour down urban streets while applying eyeblack) continues to escape me.

It's still a better explanation than my original take- that this guy didn't expect her to be able to spew generic bs anyone spending thirty seconds listening to sports talk rado could have picked up in their sleep.  Nothing she says is especially impressive, even when you consider that she's saying it while driving at least twice the speed limit over potholes (and, probably, lots of small animals and people) as she drives to the neighborhood National Football League stadium across town.  (Seriously- why is this guy so surprised again?)