"The Forest?" Again?

Remember that part of Brave New World where they show babies being shown flowers and then being electrocuted to condition them to hate the countryside and want to spend their entire lives in the cities?

Well, we seem to be living in a century where Hollywood absolutely loathes the outdoors.  Maybe it's the leaves, or the fresh air, or the wild animals.  But I've lost count of how many "scary" movies take place in the supposedly scary scary woods.  Jeesh, what do we own all these guns for if the sound of crickets gives us nightmares?

But hey, if going to the movies makes everyone afraid of those oxygen-producing monsters, that's fine with me- I spend every summer in a farmhouse on the edge of those Might As Well Be Hell Itself woods.  I hear those horrible crickets, and at night you can see a billion stars from my parents' front porch, and sometimes you can hear coyotes and there are always herds of deer enjoying the salt licks and corn dad puts out for them when it's not hunting season.  I hope I'm not terrifying anyone too much.  But if I am, that just means more Scary Nature for me.

Back to my original thought- I'm becoming convinced that this generation of movie-goers is being conditioned to hate nature, probably to grow the population of global warming deniers and fuel the demand to just pave the hell out of everything as soon as possible- before the trees eat us.  Because you know they will, if we let them.

A few of my favorite things about this Credit Repair Commercial

1.  The old guy who actually has a LIST of all the things he "requires" in a credit repair company.  You'd think someone whose credit is in the toilet would have divorced himself from the idea that he has the ability to put conditions on people who claim to want to help him repair that credit, but I guess you'd be wrong.

"Listen, I want a Money-Back Guarantee and a military discount and I want to be able to cancel anytime at no charge..."

"Um..you do realize you are the one with the crap credit, right?  Did you notice what happened when you brought your List of Demands to Rent A Center?  Did you notice how they laughed at you?  Do you get that you really aren't in any position to make demands, and it's your own damn fault?"

2.  The "Yes Yes Yes" girl.  As in "Yes!  I finally found someone to take more of my money in exchange for empty promises!  I am SO LUCKY, I'm going to treat myself to another round of binge spending with my 29.99% interest Secured VISA Card!  Just gotta get them to raise my credit limit to $1000!"

3.  The fact that if these idiots had spent one-tenth the energy trying to find a Credit Repair company on...oh, I don't know...paying their freaking bills on time....as well as, oh, I don't know....living within their means....they wouldn't be going through any of this?

Rated R for Republican Propaganda

Just take a look at some of the YouTube comments.  I dare you.  If this film doesn't include a scene in which an evil Secretary of State is cackling "what difference does it make" while watching a video of the Benghazi attack sitting next to a Kenyan-born Muslim Marxist President, I think half the audience will burn the theater they are in down around them.

And since it's a Michael Bay film, we know that the propaganda won't be cluttered with anything like relatable characters or plot development.  I mean, we've all seen Pearl Harbor.

Propaganda from the Church of Frozen Food

I didn't even know that there was a Frozen Food Council, but there was no such thing, how else could I explain the existence of this "Not a Commercial" which spends more than a minute singing the praises of frozen foods?

I mean, look at this.  Grandmas love frozen foods ("but don't let my grandkids know that, never mind I just said it on a Not-Commercial.")  Dads love frozen foods.  Mom love frozen foods for the saddest reason- "because dinner is the only time we have our whole family together."  Ugh, really?  Well, that seems to be an argument against frozen foods- maybe if you made dinner more of an event rather than something to be got through quickly through the use of Heat, Eat and Run precooked garbage, Family Time could be made less rare?

I'm frankly surprised that this ad doesn't end with a big American flag dominating the screen while the narrator intones "Eat Frozen Food- or the Terrorists will Win."  Weirdness.

Admitting they ran out of ideas years ago. It's what Geico does

1.  This ad admits that we got sick of Geico's awful commercials years ago and do our best to skip them whever possible.  Well, at least you got one thing right, Geico.

2.  Naturally the mom in this commercial is playing both cook and waitress, because that's what Moms do on tv. Naturally Dad is waiting to be served and has a big "gee, glad I married you, or I'd be sitting here with an empty plate" smile on his face.  Because that's what dads do on tv.  Still.

2.  Geico then rips off a classic gag from "Police Squad" to pad the rest of this awful commercial.  I didn't sit through it beyond the dog eating the guy's dinner, but does it end with one or more members of this family attempting to "escape" from the fake room and finding themselves "trapped" by the camera?  Leslie Neilsen is spinning in his grave.

Toyota's Blow Off Steam By Trashing the Planet Ad

If this is what passes as 'blowing off steam" these days, gas prices can't start rising fast enough or high enough for me.

Seriously, you stupid choads- want to blow off steam?  Take a kickboxing class at the local gym.  Start jogging or just walking.   Do something that will provide some benefit.  Don't do this.*

*Of course, 99 percent of Americans have no access to the kind of flat desert areas these ads are always showing, so "blowing off steam" in this manner remains a stupid fantasy for pretty much everybody.  Good thing- because until these machines actually run on steam, you aren't doing anyone any favors when you zoom around in them for no purpose larger than "because you can."

And again- the most productive people on Earth.....

Summing up this commercial:  Guy mopes about doing absolutely nothing.  We soon learn the reason for his foul mood:  He missed yesterday's games because he "had to work."

Ah, but his coworker has the answer:  Go to NFL GamePass and watch yesterday's games right now! Yay!

Never mind that

1.  As a YouTube poster points out, it's a pretty lame idea to get excited about watching games where you already know the final score.  You can go on NFL.com and watch highlights of the good games.  You don't need to invest money or time on downloading entire games, unless you are really, really into watching all the posing and pomping and posturing that might not be included in the highlights (who am I kidding, I just described most of the highlights.)

2.  This guy didn't watch the games because he had to work- so he's going to make up for it the next day by walking around aimlessly making tiny paper airplanes and feeling sorry for himself, and then waste even more time by.....watching the games.  Um, if he was going to blow off work, why didn't he do that yesterday, when the games were live and maybe worth watching?  What exactly does he accomplish by working on Sunday if he then spends Monday catching up on his football viewing?  What am I missing here?

Oh right, I forgot- I'm missing some level of appreciation for two jackasses who are so comfortable in their jobs- and so ungrateful for them- that they have no problem cheating their employers by spending a day either yakking aimlessly about football or watching it while on the clock.  A few more of these ads, and I'll turn Conservative, I swear.