Here's a better idea- therapy.

Don't blame me if you watched all three minutes of this awfulness- I didn't ask you to, after all.  Personally, I gave up after about forty seconds of this horrible woman's monotonous voice, which convinced me with each passing syllable that she was completely and utterly dead inside.

I mean, think about it- she's not interested in being healthy.  She's obsessed with causing her body considerable pain in an attempt to get rid of a little "bump" in her stomach area Oh It's So Frustrating.  Geesh, really?  Never mind a Flex Belt- wouldn't sitting down with a professional and discussing your lack of self-esteem and poor body image be more productive?

I gotta share this ad with my twitter followers before the light turns green.

If corporations weren't so damned powerful in this country, we might get to see public service ads like this on television instead of having to find them on YouTube.  Unfortunately, we who live in the United States will never get anything more edgy than "you can learn a lot from a dummy" and posters slapped on bus stops showing attractive people with tire tracks painted on their faces.

Maybe if we weren't so damned busy trying to jam our cars with distracting electronics ("traveling WiFi? Awesome, something to do while Cruise Control and warning cameras are getting me where I need to go without my active participation!") we wouldn't need commercials like this.  But we do.  Aren't going to get them, though.  They'd be too much of a downer.

Now back to the latest Hey Look Facebook on your dashboard commercial.  Much better.

Gotta struggle with something....

I'm sorry that this woman is suffering with diabetes- I have family members who manage theirs and I know it's an expensive pain in the butt.  But looking at her life, I can see that there are other things she could easily be suffering from, including

1.  Badly burned irises caused by living in a blindingly white world.  What the hell is going on here?  I know that in commercials everyone lives in houses with snow-white interiors (I think it has to do with making things easier on the camera crew and creating a distraction-free environment) but man what I would give to see a crumpled newspaper or dirty coffee cup SOMEWHERE in this ad.  And before she gets inside, she walks through a world that is every bit as bizarrely white and perfect on the street as in her living room.  This woman's world is disgustingly clean and glowing right down to her freaking dog.

2.  Deep confusion caused by the flood of confusing disclaimers concerning possible side effects. I think I know what a "site reaction" is.    Do I not know what any of this stuff means because I don't have diabetes?  What the hell are TZDs, for example?

3.  Deep confusion caused by the usual "don't do this without asking your doctor" stuff.  Isn't this medication available only through prescriptions?  Doesn't that kind of imply a conversation between patient and doctor which covers these warnings?  Who the hell would mix this medication with other insulins?  Diluting it I totally understand- watering down prescription liquids and chopping up pills  are just fringe benefits of our wonderful for-profit health care system.  But "Mixing it with other insulins?"  What the hell is that?

Some questions about this weird Symbicort ad

Why does the doctor in this ad sound exactly like the female voice featured in this program?



I mean, it's not like it's hard to get doctors to totally whore themselves out for pharmecutical companies.  Are the makers of Symbicort really this cheap?

Oh wait, what am I saying?  They decided to use a "grampa explains his serious medical condition to his grandchildren, who can't possibly understand any of this and just want him to finish the damn story" cliche.  So a robotic "doctor" bleating drug boilerplate should come as no surprise to anyone.  I do have one more question, though- is the grampa actually repeating all of this to his grandchildren?  What the hell?

A Girl, a Starter Guy, and a bottle of Downey.

I think it's sweet that this woman has finally managed to train her pet boy to do laundry, but I don't know why she just didn't date any one of the millions of guys out there who have been doing their own laundry for years and years.  Maybe she grew up watching commercials like this and just became convinced that laundry just isn't one of those things that "guys do," so when you find one who not only CAN do it but is WILLING to do it, by golly better hold on to that treasure with both hands, never mind that it's his only attractive quality.

(Seriously, what does she see in this guy?  Hey, lady- Match.com isn't perfect.  You kind of have to do a little studying on your own.)

Dealdash.com proves- in America, the sucker birth rate is skyrocketing

I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time dissecting this scam; I'll just hit the highlights:

1.  How stupid are people who use this site?  Almost unbelievably stupid, considering that before you sign up, you are required to click a box which confirms that you read a disclaimer which explains that when you use (actually, "play" is more accurate) dealdash.com, you understand that you are LIKELY TO LOSE MONEY.  Seriously- says it right there.  Dealdash.com tells potential "customers" that the "entertainment value" of the site, in the opinion of Dealdash.com, makes it worth it even if find yourself spending a lot of money for nothing.

In other words, it's a gambling site.

2.  There are several videos available on YouTube which describe exactly how Dealdash.com rigs it's "bidding" system to assure that Dealdash.com never actually sells high-priced products at a deep discount.  They simply bid up products to assure a profit or, failing that, buy back the products by "sniping" the "high bidder" at the last second.  But it's much worse than being sniped on Ebay, because at Dealdash.com you actually have to pay a fee FOR EACH BID WHETHER YOU WIN THE PRODUCT OR NOT.  Literally Money for Nothing.

Go ahead, look at the video I've embedded here, and then do a search of your own on YouTube under "Dealdash.com scam."  That is, if you aren't already sick of "almost" winning plasma tvs for $18 or Just Barely Losing at DraftKings.  In which case, you are probably a hopeless case anyway.

(BTW, check out two identical posts to Dawn's Totally Unbiased Review of Dealdash.com here.  Total Paid Troll Fail:)

Credit Repair-- again....here's how to make your situation even worse, and it's so easy!

I have a real love-hate relationship with companies like this.  I love their ads- they manage to use the cheesiest graphics and hire the most unconvincing actors (check out the young couple thrashing away in front of their laptop like they are watching a scary- or very funny- movie. More about them later.)  I hate their "service"- and I'll start my rant with that.

(Quick Disclaimer:  the following information is the result of research I've done.  I've never actually used any credit repair or tax evasion service, because I pay my bills and live within my means, crazy me.  I welcome any "corrections" if I get anything wrong here, 'cause I'm all about education.)

Here's how Credit Repair "services" generally work- the LEGITIMATE ones require a "one-time start up fee" called a "work fee" just to sign you up as a customer.  This fee generally runs between $25 and $50.  Then they go to work checking your credit report from the three reporting bureaus for "invalid" pings which may negatively effect your score (they have NO ability to go after the legitimate ones, so if you have a history of late payments or bankruptcies or defaults, these companies can do NOTHING for you, no matter they tell you in the radio ads and are careful NOT to claim in these tv versions.)

For each "invalid" report they get removed, you pay another fee- about $50 PER report PER reporting bureau (and remember, there are THREE of them, so we are talking $150 per bad report.)  And before you say "well, that might be worth it," please read the preceding paragraph again.  These companies can do NOTHING about the legit bad notices, which are the ones that are probably much more responsible for your lousy credit report.  So you may very well be finding yourself paying $150 to remove each ping and being rewarded with no change in your credit score.

That's the way LEGITIMATE companies work.  Believe it or not, if the company you hire only screws you over THIS much, you are better off than if you went to that other kind of "credit repair service" which actually charges you BY THE HOUR- meaning that you could end up getting a bill for hundreds or even thousands of dollars for the same pointless non-service or NO SERVICE AT ALL (after all, you will never, EVER get a guarantee of satisfaction from any of these people.)

Know what both the Legit and Truly Sleazy companies have in common?  They both offer a service you simply don't need if you are willing to spend some time on the phone with your creditors.  No credit card company, hospital, rental service, or any other organization you've had a bad history with* is unwilling to work with you on arranging a payment plan or removal of truly unfair notices on your credit score if you are honest about being willing to make those payments regularly.

Ok, back to that young couple, who were enjoying life in their spotless house, buying stuff online (note the credit card apparently glued to the hand) until suddenly confronted with the Its So Unfair bills.  These kids just want to get back to "buying the stuff they want," which I think got them in trouble in the first place.  I find them absolutely adorable.  And not in the least bit sympathetic.  Go to hell, stupid kids.

*the one exception I'll make is for Payday Lenders, who will NOT help you fix your credit score under ANY circumstances, because their business DEPENDS on your credit score staying very low.  I have no words strong enough for those vultures.