Four more dollops of joy from Reddi Wip

Commercial No. 1- Never mind the weird casting (is this guy the woman's husband, or father, or what?  They don't even look like they really even know eachother, let alone should be sitting at a table together) or setup (is this breakfast- he looks like he just woke up, she looks like she's taking a break from the office.)  Let's just jump to the fact that the guy here seems to be adding Reddi Wip to everything simply because it's there and he enjoys squirting it.  Where the hell does he get off adding it to the woman's fruit bowl- the can was just sitting there.  Isn't it safe to assume that it was perfectly visible to the woman and if she had wanted some on her fruit, she would have added it herself?  And what's the deal with her reaction- she looks annoyed, and resigned, and satisfied all at the same time.  What the hell?  Enough is NOT said here- and I don't think I've ever made that comment about any other commercial.

Commercial No. 2-   Why is the dad here sneaking downstairs?  Is he afraid that Mommy will catch him "stealing" a cookie from Santa, or what?  There's something really weird about a scene featuring Dad sneaking around in his own house.  And why was there a can of Reddi Wip just sitting out there- isn't this stuff supposed to be refrigerated?  Was it left out just in case Santa wanted to add it to his cookies and cocoa?  So the adult in this ad actually believes in Santa?

And wouldn't it have been a much better response to "what are you doing" for Dad to say "I'm eating a cookie that I bought and which is in my own house, go back to bed" instead of stupidly slathering his face with Reddi Wip?  Why does Dad owe an explanation to this kid (who is too old to believe in Santa, but gotta blame this on Dad) at all?  GO BACK TO BED.

Commercial No. 3- why are the two males in this house acting like starving dogs who haven't been fed in days?  And does food deprivation really make one's sense of hearing so acute that the slight gas-release sound made by a Reddi Wip can be detected on the other side of closed doors?  Please.

Commercial No. 4- this idiot kid's eye-rolling about being at the kid's table must have made him an absolute delight to his fellow kids.  I'm sure they were so happy when he came back because he found out that only kids were getting Reddi Wip on their pie.....but why was this the case?  We've already seen that adults like Reddi Wip at least as much as kids to.  The message of this ad- "being an adult is overrated"- clearly suggests that Reddi Wip is something we are expected to outgrow.  It's not for grown-ups.  But that message contradicts what we saw in the other ads.

I know, I know.  I think about this stuff way too much.

I wonder why I didn't get to this Reddi-Wip Commercial back in 2009.....

Why does this restaurant keep a container of Not Reddi Wip available if it's waitresses are going to bad-mouth it and do their best to convince customers to choose Reddi Wip instead?

Why is the waitress here determined to convince the customer to pick Reddi Wip?  Does she just love the noise Reddi Wip makes when it's applied to pie?  Does she hate the idea of opening that Not Reddi Wip carton?  Or does she just love being a condescending pain in the butt (seriously, just put the damn topping on my pie already?)

What if the woman had said "Oil?"  Would the waitress have then responded to the question "where can I freshen up?" with "restroom, or dumpster in the back alley?"

Owen's job description continues to confound me

Again, maybe I'm just skipping over the absolute dreck that this series of "Owen" commercials has become, but I just have to ask- wasn't this greasy geek himself just hired by GE a few months ago?  Why are people throwing their resumes at him- for all of the banal generalities he's thrown around about his job (he's going to "change the world" by "making it easier for machines to talk to eachother"- looks to me like he's just sitting in an incredibly sterile environment tapping away at a keyboard while the world outside the enormous windows just passes him by) he's never mentioned that he has any power to hire anyone.  In fact, in an earlier ad he made it very clear that he does NOT hire people.  So why are resumes being brought to his attention like this?  Doesn't GE have a human resources department- and if Owen is the human resources department, what happened to all that "getting machines to talk to eachother" and "changing the world" bs?

The Levittown Hillbillies?

1.  Someone invited these people to a wedding?  Seriously?  I would have hired guards to keep them at least 200 yards away.

2.  This lunatic lives in a freaking palace of a house?  I know that's kind of required for all commercial-world dwellers, but still-- this woman can't have a job that calls for more skill than restocking the shelves at the dollar store. She didn't pay for that house.

3.  These people must be the absolute delight of their neighbors.  Actually, I'm pretty sure that the neighbors are going to use the next few days to try to sell their houses to unsuspecting wannabee suburbanites who won't know until it's too late that they are living next to such loud, obnoxious jagoffs.

4.  Please don't buckle up, kids.  Just keep driving too fast and yelling "ROAD TRIP!!!!" every few seconds.  Nobody wants you in the neighborhood, nobody wants you ruining their wedding, and I know at least one blogger who never, ever wants to see you on tv again.

5.  Oh my God, I just looked at the side panel on YouTube and realized....this commercial is one of a series.  I am never going to run out of material.

On the road again....

Here is where I'll be until the evening of June 27th, and I definitely will not be posting until then.  Enjoy the archives while I"m away!

What Nissan thinks of pedestrians

Ugh, all this smug jackass wants to do is get around town while exercising his god-given right to drive 50 MPH in 25 MPH zones, and what happens?  Idiot criminal pedestrians keep "popping up," forcing him to actually pay attention (sort of) to his surroundings because Nissan hasn't invented Automatic Swerve To Hit Something Else technology.  Stupid pedestrians!

(Oh, and Stupid Bicyclist!  Where the hell do you get off being on MY road with your stupid non-polluting vehicle?)

(I like the way Nissan equates pedestrians as random, one-dimensional cardboard objects and not human beings- wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of anyone out there who might sometimes be troubled at the idea of speeding through city streets with all us stupid walkers about- hey, relax drivers!  This isn't about hurting anyone- it's about avoiding injury to your shiny car!)

I also like the way the first cardboard cutout is of a pedestrian looking at her cell phone- the message her is obviously "you need this technology because walkers are dangerous morons who aren't paying attention and will walk right in front of your Superior Mode of Transportation if they think they can get away with it."  Full disclosure:  I'm a walker, and I see plenty of distracted walking like this.  But you know what?  No walker is ever going to kill anyone by bumping into them while staring at their phones.  Distracted drivers (and speeders, like the a-hole in this commercial obviously is) kill people ALL THE FREAKING TIME.  So don't even get me started here, Nissan.

Meanwhile, the guy in this ad only brakes at the end, when a truly horrific accident which no doubt resulted in multiple deaths and injuries pops up in front of his car.  He responds with a self-satisfied "its no big deal because it isn't me" sigh, a smug smile, and a "we're better than those dead people" glance at his companion.  In keeping with the entire theme of the ad- the world around you and your car is a real pain in the butt, constantly threatening its paint job and your Very Important Schedule.  As a pedestrian and a human being, I can only respond  F--- you, Nissan!

I don't want to be around when this woman pauses for a breath and collapses into a bundle of heaving sobs

I was listening to a YouTube video while in the shower when this ad suddenly popped up-- and because it was not particularly convenient to climb out and hit "Skip Ad," I was forced to listen to three-plus minutes of this gibbering idiot be way too excited about making a Father's Day card featuring her Most Adorable Wittle Angel Who Ever Lived Carson (gag) in excruciatingly painful detail.  I don't think I'll ever be able to get her chirpy, If I Don't Stop Talking And Stop Smiling I Might Start To Remember I Once Had Dreams high-pitched voice out of my head.

And btw, what the hell is this woman on?  I mean, I've consumed an entire pot of coffee inside of an hour with a Snickers bar on the side and I didn't come close to becoming this insanely hyper.  All this over learning to use photoshop to compensate for the fact that you can't get your little brat to hold a sign still for 1.5 seconds?  What the hell is the matter with you, woman?  You went to college for THIS?

Oh but please don't take a moment for reflection.  Just keep focusing on all the Absoutely Amazing Things You Can Do With Today's Technology with your Perfect Little Bundle, and continue to share your Adventures in Mediocrity with us on YouTube (including your jaw-dropping Amazement that Carson has an actual loving relationship with his father, or your boyfriend, or whoever that guy is- why is this supposed to be impressive again?  The history of guys having close emotional ties with their kids predates YouTube, or didn't you know that?)  I'll just bring the damn mouse into the shower with me next time.