What hasn't been going on this summer: Binge Parenting

Or, apparently, any parenting at all.

Seriously, if your child spent the entire summer slouched on the family couch sucking down gallon drums of soft drinks while watching television, you've got problems that bringing home a backpack are simply not going to solve.  Because the fault doesn't lie with the child, Mommy.  It lies with you and your "I can't do anything about it so thank goodness the school bell is about to ring" attitude concerning the proper care and feeding of your daughter.

Because after all, there are still going to be weekends and holidays and all you've taught your kid is that when there's no schoolwork to be done, it's perfectly ok to get a jump start on that adulthood dealing with Type II Diabetes.  Not to mention her obvious lack of social connections (sorry, I mean FRIENDS) or physical activity or pretty much anything outside of television in her life.

Your child is in trouble, lady, and school isn't going to save her.  Because her real problem isn't a lack of school-imposed deadlines.  Her real problem is a lack of parents who actually give a damn.  Good luck to both of you dealing with that.

Oh just kill eachother. You know you want to.

Why is the kid in this ad carrying a huge toy truck through the store?  Are they going to buy the truck along with the glue, figuring that it will be broken in no time so they'd better go ahead and plan on repairing it?  Is the truck already broken, and they figured they'd just take it to the hardware store, pull some glue off the shelf, and repair it right there in the aisle, treating the store like a hospital for toys?  Or does the kid just carry that thing around with him everywhere, like a security blanket?

In any case, anyone else think that this kid is a little too old to be playing with that truck?

And anyone else think that if this couple gets into a fight over "brush" or "nozzle" on their glue bottle, they are experiencing a truly hellish marriage that probably should be ended before someone gets killed?  How drunk were they when they conceived that kid anyway?

I think they are all better off if that gorilla just turns on them.  A quick burst of pain, followed by the blissful eternal sleep of death, beats decades of suffering, doesn't it?

Could have gone my whole life, Lexus.....

...without seeing an ad featuring entitled douchenozzle owners of your LookAtMeMobile complacently singing "Blue Skies" to themselves as they cruise through their perfect lives.  yeah, you've got no worries.  Money makes your road smoother.  Tell me something I didn't already know.

Seriously, who the hell wants to see this?

(Though I admit I did find the "anyone have a link to this song?" comment by one YouTube monkey pretty funny.  Or maybe sad.  I'm not even sure anymore.)

Oh really, Verizon

I am supposed to believe that

A)  The adults who live in this freaking palace are deeply concerned about the price of phone?  Or anthing else?  Or

B)  The "family" in general is living a lifestyle than anyone would want to emulate (except for the ridiculous house, of course.)  I mean, really- anyone want their kids to be zombies wandering or laying about the palace like this?

These ACE Hardware Store ads don't deserve any more than this

Ace Hardware wins this year's Cute Idea Beaten To Death With Repetition Award.  Call it the Commercial version of the Razzies.

OH MY GOD DID THIS GET OLD FAST!

That's it.  Except to mention that I'll be away for the annual family vacation at the beach until next Saturday night, so please enjoy the archives until then!

Please explain this McDonald's ad to me?

I guess the message of this ad is that two professional lobster fisherman would actually finish a day of catching lobsters with a trip to McDonalds to eat what that "restaurant" laughingly refers to as it's Lobster Roll.  It reminds me of those stupid cereal ads which show people working all day at filling boxes with Honey Bunches of Oats or whatever and then sitting down to eat the stuff.  As if the food you are preparing for hours every day would actually be the same food you'd want to eat when the day is done.  Please.

But then again, the lobster in a McDonalds lobster roll probably tastes so dramatically different from the lobster you'd get at any decent seafood restaurant, maybe that really isn't a problem.

But no matter how many times I watch this mess, I simply cannot understand how it ends.  It looks as if the kid is about to reach for his lobster roll, and his dad gives him a "yeah, I can't believe we are eating this crap, either" look.  And then the kid gives a half-smile and resigned "well, we can't afford to actually eat the lobsters we catch, it's pretty sad but this is the best we can do" look right back.  But maybe I'm just misinterpreting?

This Dollar Shave Club Commercial Really Happened

I'd like to apologize to Geico for once calling one of their ads sexist.

I'd like to apologize to Dish TV for once calling one of their ads sexist.

In fact, I'd like to apologize to any company I've ever criticized for running what I considered to be a sexist ad.  But in my defense, I had yet to see THIS ad.

If I had ever considered joining the Dollar Shave Club, this ad would have thrown that idea right out the window.  I wouldn't come near this company now, out of principle.

That's all.  I simply cannot believe this keeps showing up on my television.  In 2016.